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Hi Hox, you need to stop thinking that this is all part of your fault as it isn’t and you shouldn’t be ashamed at all. Why shouldn’t you go to the gym? So what if people know you and your husband. You might find they won’t say anything. If they do just fob them off and say you haven’t seen him for a while. Have you got any work friends you could got out with? You really need to start getting yourself out there and living your own life x
Hi Louise, I think you have already made the first move by deciding you don’t want to be with your bf anymore. Remember you have nothing to be ashamed off so try not to worry about what people think. You need to start living your own life. Get back into going to the gym. Have you got any work friends/family who you can go out with? You talk about your dad not understanding. My mum is 81 and she knows all about my son and his drug addiction. She may not understand it all but she is a good listener. She also cuts every article she finds in the newspaper about drugs out for me to read – this can get a bit OTT but she thinks she is being helpful! You get yourself out there and start living your own life.
Oh Kim, I really feel for you but just know that you are not alone in this situation. There are loads of us, parents, in a similar position to yourselves. Our son is 32 and in the past we have bailed him out, paid his mortgage, bills and drug debts. He did come back and live with us for a while and I have to admit it was really difficult as although he started in a drug rehabilitation programme a number of times he never stuck with it. He now lives with his gf as we helped him sell his house which resulted in him getting a large sum of money. He has hardly been in touch since. Anyway a couple of suggestions, see if there is a drug rehab service available in your area for your son. However, it is no use unless he wants to quit. You can also get some counselling for yourself as a parent. With regard to paying off his drug debts we stopped doing this as it felt like we were enabling him. I know it is tough love and you will worry about the consequences but tell your son you can no longer pay for his drug debts and he must think about this before he gets himself into a situation. These are just possible suggestions. Stay strong.
Danman you have done so well and you knew that there was likely to be a relapse. The really good thing is that it has made you more determined. You can do this again and like you said it will probably make you stronger and less tempted again. Remember you have been clean for 2 whole months. This is just a minor set back in your recovery. You stay strong and determined.
You mustn’t blame yourself at all. My son starting smoking weed at school and I just thought it was a teenage phase. Then he had a family and I thought again that he was settled and happy. However he started using cocaine and he has now lost two families, including his children. It must be so difficult for you as he doesn’t live near you. You haven’t said how old he is. However, he has admitted to you that his use of cocaine is out of control which is definitely a good start. If he is sleeping through the day it can be an indication that he has been on coke through the night. While he is keen perhaps see if he will get involved in a drug rehabiltation programme. Although your husband doesn’t want to get involved with your son’s addiction at least he is concerned for you. Myself and my husband were able to see a counsellor for ourselves who gave us advice about how to deal with our son’s addiction. Maybe you have a similar service nearby that you can access.
You stay strong.
I agree, anti-depressants and alcohol do not go well together. How old is your brother? Is he at college/working? Are you able to persuade him to,speak to a counsellor? It is difficult to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. When he is feeling sorry for his behaviour perhaps you can try and talk to him then.
I agree, I think it is more than just weed, especially with dealers involved. If you can try to talk with him. Is he ignoring your attempts to contact? Have you any idea where he could be? Hope you manage to get in touch and speak with him.
Hi Vickie, glad you are able to smile when you think and speak about your special brother. I hope I am never in the same position as yourself with regard to my son. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about how you were able to move forward with your life. You are a real credit for the cause and I applaud you for being so pro-active in helping other users. Thank you so much for your contribution.
Hi Paula, there is hope for us all if your son is able to change his lifestyle for the better. Hope he continues to stay clean. It is also difficult for our sons who unfortunately can’t get away from those evil influences. Best of luck to you and your son x
Sorry to hear that your son is still using and things aren’t getting any better. I think it’s good that you are focussing on your other children as they do tend to lose out. Hopefully that will take your mind off your son, although you will always be there for him. It’s so frustrating for us mums as unless our son’s decide themselves that they want to stop and change their lives there is very little we can do. You take care xx
Hi Lou, we came to the conclusion that he and his gf went on holiday abroad. Why he said things like no contact with the outside world until it’s all over we don’t know. We have tried to contact him since but he has not responded. We called round his flat the other day but he wouldn’t see us and said he will when he is ready. When this is going to be we have no idea. We are 99% sure he is still using but can’t get this confirmed from his gf. He hasn’t seen his kids since November and it’s his daughter’s birthday tomorrow.