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He text us at 7.30 am this morning. He said his gf will be in the same place but don’t send messages because she won’t be able to talk about it. We can’t check on him because he lives in a flat and when we press the buzzer he just doesn’t answer. In his previous text he said he would be away for a week but from your experience it takes a month to detox. I dread to ask what it could be that you don’t want to say. Me and my husband keep thinking he may be in hospital or something. We have been through various scenarios but it’s just that the previous text he sent to my hubby said nothing to do with drugs. So worried but will just have to wait. I start a new job next week and need to focus on that.
You are definitely getting back to normal if you can spend the day at IKEA, ha ha. At least I can still laugh!
Hi Danman, sorry to digress on your post. I have a question for you. My son has text myself and my husband today to say that he is off today and that he will be having no contact with the outside world till it’s over. Any idea what he might be doing? He did text my hubby the other day to say he will be away for a week but that it was nothing to do with drugs. He said his gf will be in the same place but not to text her as she won’t be able to text about it. Again any ideas?
With regard to yourself your mum must be so chuffed with you. Your gf and kids have got there husband and dad back. Enjoy a ‘normal’ weekend and you keep up the good work x
Hi Jennifer, I really feel for you as you can see in my previous posts I am in a similar situation to you with my son but he no longer lives with us. Fortunately I have my husband and we do have each other to share our pain and thoughts with and take our anger out on. I really think you need someone you can talk to and share with in addition to on here. Is there one friend who you think you can trust? Other than that you need to do something for yourself i.e. A hobby, meeting up with friends – just to take your mind of things for a short time. Have you got other family you can see? Like my son yours doesn’t seem to want to stop so I have realised it’s not much use offering support. Hope this helps and that you get some advice and support from an expert. You take care x
Not at all, I think we all need a rant. Sometimes it helps a little if we tell someone else. I know exactly what you mean about those evil drug dealing scum. What annoys me is that some of them seem respectful and have their own families. I hope they all get their comeuppance one day. I hope that both our sons will hit their rock bottom and really make an effort to get clean. It can be done. Look at Danman and how he is fighting to change is life. I wait in hope too along with you. Take care x
Oh Cathy, I really feel for you. Your son’s addiction to ketamine seems to have had devastating physical effects. I think you are doing all you can by offering your support but it really soundslike he does need professional and medical help. You can only do so much and you still have to live your own life. Are there any support groups for parents near where you can get some help for yourself?
Hi All, it’s good to read all your posts which makes me realise other parents in same situation as us. My son is 32 and has been a cocaine addict for approx 10 years. He started socially at weekends but it has now taken over his life. Two failed relationships, one child with each. He has no job as ended up self employed but was unreliable. We helped him sell his house before Christmas before it got repossessed. We haven’t really heard from him since end of November as he has cut us off. He ended up with a large amount of money. We were paying his household bills so that he would be straight with these. He still has big debts from credit cards but we consolidated these through Stepchange. He also owes a close family member a large sum of money which we are now paying off. Gave his girlfriend his xmas presents and have tried to contact him via phone, text but hardly anything other than odd short text. Can’t go and see him as he lives in a flat with security code access. We know from when he was in his house that he would just ignore us and not answer. He hasn’t been in touch with his kids or their mums since end of November. He had just got back to seeing them after not seeing them for months. Can’t get any info from his new gf as she has to check with him. She is standing by him but not telling us what he is doing even though we are offering our support. I have watched videos on YouTube and sent for books to try and understand the addiction. I text him and explained what I have done and suggested he watch one of the videos. When I asked if he had watched it he said not yet and then I haven’t had any response since. Over the past two years he has lived on and off with us and let us control his money but in the end he always takes back control and goes back to cocaine. We are both at our wits end and it’s caused a massive strain on our relationship. We have been to counselling but stopped as hubby said it focussed on us but didn’t tell us how we can help our son. Sorry to pour it all out but it does help.
Absolutely brilliant Danman. As I have said before just you keep an eye out for that little devil, especially if you have a drink. Speaking of which you could very easily bump into me in Bolton, but not at night as I am not that brave!!
My son is still not responding to me and I have decided to follow the advice and leave him alone to see if he will get in touch. He responded to my hubby to say to stop talking about ‘drugs’ or he will stop texting him. He also said he is going away for a week. I have tried to ask his gf how she would feel if her son didn’t want to see or speak to her for no reason but have not had a reply.
You have a good weekend too. Continue moving on and upwards x
Hi Claire, like above I think your partner has done really well. From reading other posts it seems that a relapse is part of the recovery and it’s how the person deals with it. I can also understand your apprehension whether it will be a one off. He probably genuinely felt he would be ok and with you there. Obviously that wasn’t the case so bear in mind for the future. It sounds like he wants to continue with his recovery and leave the relapse behind as a blip. Maybe give him the benefit of continuing supporting him with his recovery. I am sure you would notice the changes in his behaviour if he relapses again. But also explain to your partner how you feel about the relapse and talk about it before putting it behind for you both. Good luck x
Wishing your and your husband so much luck with his detox. No experience of alcohol addiction so no advice, sorry. Try not to get too overwhelmed. The main thing is he has decided to do something about his addiction and that’s good. Maybe just take it one day at a time whilst he is going through the detox. I don’t thing it is going to be easy but it will definitely be worth it in the end. Sending you both lots and lots of luck.
Everything you are saying is absolutely true and I do know as I have read the books and know about the lab rats choosing cocaine over food and ultimately dying. We have attended a support group but stopped going as my hubby just wanted to know how to help our son and it was about us. He just won’t give up on him and feels he is doing this if we don’t keep trying to contact him. Our son has been using cocaine for 8-10 years now so you would think that he would be getting to that stage by now. Two relationships ruined, losing his house, no job, not seeing his kids. How much lower can he go! This has affected all our family, not just us but the family member we are paying the money back to, his brother and family and our grand-children (his kids). I wish we could be strong and disassociate with him but he is our son and we can’t move on.
Bhoyo thanks for the advice about offering help to our son. Good to see it from a different prospective. What we are worried about is that we helped him sell his house in November and he got over £20,000. He owed us money but we didn’t expect any back. However, he owes a family member money, which we are paying back as my husband was the guarantor. I think we thought as it had been discussed with him that he would pay some back to the family member. We worry that he will spend all the money on the big C and have nothing left. Then what will he do as he isn’t working, living with his current gf in her flat. Like you said the longer he leaves not contacting us or his kids and their mums the harder it will be.
Anyway, how did the meeting go for you yesterday? Hope you got some good advice on what you need to do.
I don’t really know anything about alcohol addiction but you definitely need to speak to someone and get some support for yourself and your son. Get some advice from your local drug and alcohol support association. Good luck.
No my son has still not been in touch with me. I spent all day crying on Friday being snappy with my husband because that’s what we do. I sent my son a text today to say I was feeling better and asked how he is – nothing back! My husband has text him to let him know about the research I have been doing to try and help him. He has text him back to say to stop texting him about drugs or in his words ‘that sh-t or he will stop responding to him. He has also said he is going away for a week, (nothing to do with drugs). It’s no use texting his’gf’ as she won’t tell us anything but says she is doing her best for him!
Danman, you have come through the worst and are doing really well. Keep it up, but remember about how it can creep up on you so just stay aware. You enjoy your family time.
Bhoyo I am amazed how you are functioning and managing to have your kids 50/50. I hope you do try to stop because I have seen what it can do to families and children. My son hasn’t seen his children since November and he hasn’t been in contact with them or the mums. No Christmas presents for them. He is not functioning or living an exciting life. He is no longer working and doesn’t want to. He isn’t going out and partying, however I realise he may be partying on his own.
Hi Danman, been reading Louise Clarke which is helping me understand cocaine addiction. Just wanted to ask if those tablets are any good with the cravings. In case my son gets in touch and wants to stop . . .
Just wondering why you are speaking out about it now? Do you Truely want to do something about it? Dare I ask how much you have been using? I dread to think how much my son has been using. Are you thinking of quitting?