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How are you?
How are you?
thelostone, I still come here sometimes to read your lessons and advice to David, as they are so precious and mature. Fruit of the pain that made you stronger and love yourself more. I had left the ex, I returned and we stayed a month together (march) he doesn’t want be with someone to worryabout being tired or have used coc@ine, and he dismissed me saying that it is time for him to be alone, and that he was fond of me. I know I was wrong to come back, I just didn’t want to be alone. In part I understand Davi, codependence, having invested and not having a return, not having been validated, and some good times. Now in April, already without him, after 4 months together (I was sick with a sexual illness that he passed on to me) helping both of us, he listless, indifferent. Then he bought me the medicine I asked for when away from him. And on returning, he again confused. I didn’t appreciate myself. He is strongly a psychop@t@ alcoholic addict, as Sam Vaknin says … I victimized myself and want to left the state of victim. I wanted to enter into this relationship, ignored the red flags, and remained in need, I regret it. This is what you said to David, I take so much for myself, if you love yourself, if you respect yourself, the pain of love passes. We cling to false, selfish people, to the difficulty. Love is simpler than that! Thelostone, I just unfriended him on Instagram and Facebook, and the next day he blocked me (angry I think), I said when he broke up with me, that I wouldn’t be one of the girls he used to give up on but he never went out … and that are poorly resolved on his social media shelf. Yes, I am suffering … because from another profile, I saw a movement of him with a woman very out of the standard that I have. I know that I am better than he deserved, the way is to allow time and God to heal me, I have prayed. To stroll. Read. Cry too. David, it wasn’t years that I spent, but I really hope you get out of it like me. Detoxing her. I will succeed … it is frustration to have been with someone like this, so as not to be alone and to have been “rejected” by an addict. His facial expressions, at the end, completely false, forced suffering and pity to end. I need to let go of the anger. David …. anger generates bonds with them, releasing them inside, every day as Thelostone said, let the thought go …. if we fight we get angry, I pray to forgive, forgive myself for having taken that 7 months. What the hell.
When I read your answers to Davidk I feel blessed for precious lessons for me. Like to not be easy but put myself first. And to watch out about expectations, no expectations no disappointment. We always expect the best of people, from ourselves either, but to put ourselves first instead look outside, for them, and they don’t really think about us as precious…when using days in a row.
The guy I was going out, 3 months away from him… then I was mad because he didn’t help me with the diseases, talking to him insistently, he bought the medication that I was needing yet. He said that didn’t have notice that the problem was so serious aff!
And now in March, I was again with him, here at my place. He only says that he needs to stop, then he was using everyday, he showed me with his cellphone how he uses and how much, was oh my, with salt.
He will not stop. Really, cocaine is not easy to get out. He gave me birthday present, chocolates, truly for the problems last year…diseases etc.
But he had no initiative to invite me to go for a walk, or being here with me. He send messages but always me to invite him here. He only lives by parents money, society money (if he didn’t have this society with his friend, dad’s money, he would never stop any job…for sure), and thinking about himself and cocaine, beer etc.
He said again he doesn’t want serious relationship (responsibility that he doesn’t have with himself) of course. I don’t want serious relationships with him either, because he is a serious addict, selfish. But I would not like to be alone… I would like to meet a nice man, who really cares about me, call me to go for a walk, nice places and conversations.
I was reading Davidk and your posts, the best thing would take care of our lives, stop contact with them, like they should do with drugs, not half contact…like an addict… God help us.
I’m learning a lot with you guys here.
How are you Davidk..?
I read your answers a long time ago, you are really trying and this is great to hear. Yeah, praying is better than other bad things, and commitment with yourself and health. I hope you get better and better each day. From Brazil, my prayer for you dear one.
you are right Thelo..about focusing on you, the important thing was to put in the letter what seems certain of the pain of it all. Yes, your physical health first, too. How unpleasant to find out that he does this, even further reinforces your decision to keep him away from you. That after the letter he can understand that he needs to get away from you and live his life, even if he wants to get well, if only because he wants it for himself. With each contact of him, your mind is reactivated unfortunately. That’s why I was recommended to block him on my whatsapp, on social networks to delete, because of me, because he doesn’t even care about me. I read an article about cocaine addicts, who even looking at where they use the drug, or the utensils they use, remember, already makes them want to use it, see how strong this addiction is. You don’t want to go back to him and decide that and don’t go back, but it’s bad that he always tries to have contact, it’s like having the feeling of everything that went wrong upsetting you again. The feeling of disgust I had about him, being able to go out with a prostitute and giving me those illnesses, of them, and he lying, that’s what I try to reinforce. I heard that the moment has to come to feel NOTHING, neither what was good, nor what was bad, nor anger or frustration. It will pass as you said. May they disappear from our minds and your lives, because he doesn’t want to know about my life.
“because of the drugs, I didn’t grasp the damage I was doing…
as long as they are using drugs, they don’t have to deal with their conscience.”
where did you have access to this text? the title looks good. I wrote him several letters, about what I discovered on the cell phone about the website prostitutes, the chat with the dealer the day I was there, and talking to other women while with me, being a spoiled son of wealthy parents useless. I thought it was heavy but it was all I wanted to say, I tore them up, it was to relieve. I had already called him, and said everything I thought, that he would never get the motorcycle he wants, because it smells with every use. He just did … uhum … or said nothing. Indifferent, but I believe it is due to psychopathy. They just don’t like to be threatened, so he got mad when I reported that I would go after him if I confirmed HPV. Yes, it was great to write the letter Thelostone. As you already said and you were aware, the weight goes away, and that he is “sober” when reading. The ex doesn’t look for me because he has other interests, I was trying to help him out, it tired him, he just wanted to victimize himself, try to take some money but he couldn’t, absurd because he gets his parents’ allowance. Even if I sent a letter, I already gave direct messages in msg about the prostitutes, the dealer, and talking to others … he doesn’t care, I was an adventure. I remember him simulating facial expressions that mattered. I imagine that you Thelostone has made a lot of difference for him. But look at the opposition in David’s case, he did a lot for her, and she doesn’t value it. You can’t understand their heads.
these days I thought that it’s easier for him to have given up taking this with me, as he said: I don’t want to take this any further … Because he has cousins, uncles who live here, the partner who is a friend in work, and the dealer I don’t know who he is. So, he is very confined, he always said that he likes his introspection and space even too much, that he knew it was not good, but it was like that, of course, the drug … priority. I have no friends to hang out here. I talk to a friend on WhatsApp. And my friend at work. And you guys here. I don’t have cousins, uncles, my brothers have their things of their own and we don’t have intimacy, because our mother is narcissistic … problems. I live alone with my cats, they distract me. It is easy for him, he has the space to use the drug in the apartment he lives with his divorced brother, his brother … suspicious, but I gave indirect about his brother and cocain. And he likes to be alone, sleep a lot because of the drug effect. In the messages that I saw his cell phone, he contacted girls (prost) website, but he must have already be with some of them … the ones I saw, he didn’t, just asked the price. He expects the woman to take the initiative by the messages I saw whats, I insisted a lot to get to know him. Then they understand our need … he was already using so many days in a row, that he was angry, agitated, complaining about everything and everyone in that victimistic way. I think at the end of the year when he traveled to his city to see his parents, he stayed with some woman there, because if the woman go to him, of course he doesn’t miss the chance. But with me he was no longer working in bed, even as an excuse for me to break up with him, from what I read in articles on narcissism/psychop. We cannot have our life centered on them. I was worried David that you said about them in our mind, God help us and I pray for that, that we will think about ourselves again, because they are there with the cocaine, and they are ok without us. And at some point, they will only have the cocaine… not even family or “friends”, he try to pretend that is a nice man, he is very polite and funny..but to have some secondary gains…and money from his family since they are rich and they just send money! They are a problem… a real one. I’m just upset.
I also listened to the music on youtube, crying I stopped listening in the middle … even though I hadn’t stayed with him for more than 6 months, I intensely wanted to keep him close, like my cocaine. My source of priceless pleasure, to appease my loneliness, someone to give me hugs, and sleep together (sometimes even with his back to me), which makes me feel alive and with tachycardia, energy, alive. Because alone, I don’t appreciate myself, I feel bored, sad, depressed and tired, useless, going from work to home, and without news, thankless with what I already have, sometimes not giving so much value (just like him). Am I not different from him with cocaine? Then when I smelled him next weekend, new energy, new vigor, sometimes even almost an overdose, but it was my excitement, I was using him as a drug to not be alone or face my own life and like me same! This is how they live, fleeing from themselves, and you get swallowed up in the process by living their lives, not yours. It is hard for David and Thelostone to think that they also addict us, and steal from us. And it turns into rehabilitation daily, not looking at the phone, the social network, not thinking if they are with someone. Well, Thelostone, he’s looking for you, etc., you’re an exception. David, the addiction to run away from ourselves, wasting our lives, by people who don’t want their own lives. Thoughts corrode us as I believe theirs for the drug, just waiting to contact the dealer … and lock themselves in the room to use it. I’m looking to take the advice into practice, let it go every day, right Thelostone, one day at a time, remembering that they are cold and indifferent, and that we deserve much more, people like ourselves, cool, concerned, loving, who look for us too, no ??? I cheer for it, I cheer for the 3 of us, I also think too much like the two of you, and I keep ruminating on things, what consoles me is to know that it is not only about addiction, he is a cold and manipulative psychop # who pretends emotions. I went for a walk today in the park, eating out alone, and chasing thoughts. If you lived here in Brazil, I would call you, for sure.
You are a very strong person, this sadness really comes … you did well to write a letter to release some of the letter’s pain, whether or not you sent the letter, the feeling was transferred and left your interior, not accumulating so much more . I cried here with you, touched by your posture. We are human, we have feelings, but you know well that getting “good” is a temporary state, for most of them, isn’t it? this cocaine is as strong as anything I’ve never known before. I felt your pain and yes, even if he wants to go to rehab, suddenly it may be for some secondary gain, it is complicated but analyzing every act of goodwill is necessary. unfortunately, he has to improve because he understands how bad it is, but the core of the reward is bigger. I would like them to stop this, of course, but before honoring promises to other people, they have to want to stop because it hurts everyone, kills them with each use, makes them difficult for society in general.
The boy I’m not with anymore, makes himself a victim of drugs, but he’s psychop @ … so there is emotional manipulation. I was really angry that he could have given me HPV, and I told him that I would find him wherever he went, if I got cervical cancer or had to pay something, if he took care of himself, and the person he went out with before me, I wouldn’t take it, I’m co-responsible, but I’m going to make him pay and he’s warned, even if I let his family know in months, or even years. They are fanciful, the drug gets them off the ground, promises the world and changes. I’m looking to go out more alone, eat out, pray a lot. I also cry like you, but seeing that he pretended facial expressions because he has no emotions. And my ego was frustrated that he left: how does he not want a nice person like me? and I was mad at me: how could I not be alone, I wanted to take someone more months who doesn’t even want their own well-being, imagine my well-being?
Sometimes I send a message and he ignores it, makes passive aggressiveness, and I feel like crap, because I still feel upset to be alone again, but as you have written to us several times here … we need to value ourselves.
That’s what David has to think about, too. Thank you for sending news, you two.
Hello, how are you? Thelostone.
Your advices don’t get out of my mind and heart.
And David.. how are you either…
Read this and the best advice of Thelostone…
https://adfam.org.uk/help-for-families/finding-support/forum/thread/3656
Yes dear, if he wants to go out and stay a long time without, and even then they will always always have relapses and it will be very difficult for them to be without a long time. Just read the posts here, and the scientific articles I read. I believe in God and that Jesus can do that, but still with a very strong chemical inclination, they will always relapse and get worse. So, it would be reasonable for your life to meet someone really healthy. If it goes out and stays clean a long time ok and you will never know if it is true. I know now, and I wouldn’t risk having spent more than a month with him, they just suck and give us nothing. Read the post I told you about the boy who spent 7 years with a girl and is now suffering from an addiction to her person.