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Hi mrs p,i do indeed understand your suffering.And every so often,i feel i need to talk about my heartach”regarding my adorable son.since my last time visiting this site,unfortunatly,there has been no improvement with my sons addiction.If anything,it has got worse.But i stil maintain,that i will “as a mother”be hear for him.But will never enable him in any way.I have “over the past 20 years”realised,that there is only one chance for him to overcome this desease,and that is,when my son has had enough.As i have said,i am not a religouse person,but i will pray for you,just as i pray for my son.Take care,and i wish you and your son well.And thank you so much,for the time given,to read my post.As i do not receive many reply,s,when i need them most.So i remain greatful,and look forward to talking again.Until then xxxxx
Hi mrs p,i do indeed understand your suffering.And every so often,i feel i need to talk about my heartach”regarding my adorable son.since my last time visiting this site,unfortunatly,there has been no improvement with my sons addiction.If anything,it has got worse.But i stil maintain,that i will “as a mother”be hear for him.But will never enable him in any way.I have “over the past 20 years”realised,that there is only one chance for him to overcome this desease,and that is,when my son has had enough.As i have said,i am not a religouse person,but i will pray for you,just as i pray for my son.Take care,and i wish you and your son well.And thank you so much,for the time given,to read my post.As i do not receive many reply,s,when i need them most.So i remain greatful,and look forward to talking again.Until then xxxxx
Dearest Max
Thank you so much for your reply,and kind words.I am so sory,that you two, are having to deal with your sons addiction.It is indeed,a very lonly place to be.It,s easy for others,to say,you should use tuff love.But if they have never been through,this hell,they could never understand,why we do what we do.I myself “since my sons addiction”have never judged no one.I myself,will stand by my son,till my last breath.But i wonder,would i still feel the same,if my son,did not work,sleep on the streets,abusive to me,blame me for his addiction,come,s home every now and then.Who knows,how much, one can suffer.I do know,that these legal high,s,are very addictive.And the trouble is,they have to have more,”as like crack”its the only thing that makes them feel better.It,s a never ending jurney.I think that maybe talking to others”on hear”that keeps us sane.U would not wish this life,on my worse enamy.you wil see, by my previouse posts,that,not eaven a heart attack,could take the devil off my sons shoulder.But some how he is still working,and paying his rent,for his lovly little place.I think i could write a book,of how life has been,for the past 18 years.So many people,have turned to legal high,s,owing to the low cost.But so addictive.I wish i was able to offer some comfort to you Max,i truly do.But it seems,that we can only;tell one another of our heart ache.And my heart aches for you.Life should not be like this.Some times i wait and wait,for reply,s to my post.So i was so greatfull to receive yours Max.So please keep in touch.Until then,xxx take care,and know,that i am always ready,to listen.And as you say,your not alone.Love Eavy.xxxDearest Suzy,thank you so much for your post.Your story is heart braking.I can not remember, ever reading such a tragic story.I often wonder if my son also dose heroin,as it seems to go hand in hand with crack.He knows that heroin is my worse nightmare.Having said that,the crack is the devil”as i call it”.He is now at the stage,that crack is the only thing,that makes him feel normal.What makes it so hard to bare,is that,there is nothing us mums can do,to save there lives.My son is on my mind 24 ,7.And waiting for that knock on the door is like torture.I also have a daughter,7 years older than my son.She is anti drugs.And finding it so hard,watching her brother,deteriorate over the past 18 years.I seem to spend all my time on line,looking for answers.By now,i realise,that i am never going to find any answers.But still i dont stop looking.So Suzy,the only comfort i am able to offer you,is that you are not alone.Suzy,do you often wonder”as i do”how many mothers,fathers,brothers,sisters,nan,s,grandads”could go on”whom are going through this hell.My son went to thiland a couple of years ago.My brother paid his fare.He spent 6 months over there,lived with his dad”been divorced many years”i thought,this was going to answer all my prayers.After a short time there,his dad rang me,to say he is heavily drinking and caused trouble where ever he went.I new then,that if it were not crack he was addicted to,it would be something els.He has lost his 11 year old daughter yet again.So once again Suzy,remember you are not alone.Who knows,what the future will be for us.But please keep in touch,and look forward to comforting one another.And just before i conclude this post,does it comfort you,being a drugs councillor,and do find it rewarding.I myself was thinking,maybe i should
Help mums like us.Dearest Suzy,my heart breaks,to know,how you are suffering,.If only i could do more to comfort you.In all sincerity y.EavyDearest broken mum,i am so happy,to hear from you.And more than happy,that you have reached out to your daughter.Dont be to let down ,that she has not been completely honest with you.She will take little steps at first.She will,i am sure,take comfort,that she can now confide in you,and that her mum,will support her,no matter what.You have done so well.And i am touched,to hear from you again,thank you.you remain in my thoughts,and in my pray,s.Please keep in touch.Eavy.xx
Iv only just seen yr post Suzy.Ow i know what hell you are living.Look at my posts under “EAVY”.Only difrants is that my son is a crack addict.But i oftern wonder,if he does heroin,as these 2 drugs seem to go hand in hand.My sons addictuon has been on going for the past 18 year,s.As you will know”reading my posts”suffering a heart attack,did not deter his addiction.I just wanted to let you no,i understand your torment.My son of nearly 40 years old,is my life.I will never give up on him,just like you.Your post was december 2016,it would be so nice to hear from you,maybe we could comfort one another.I think we are in a place,where we are at a loss,as to where we go next.Thank you in advance,for your reply.Eavy
Im just sitting hear,as i do every day.
from the moment i open my eyes in the morning,until i go to bed,my boy is continuasly in my every thought.So im thinking,this is no life.Im 66 years old,and life should not be like this.Thinking about my son,is weighing me down.When he spent 8 weeks living in my lovly little flat,last summer,I took good care of him,i waited on him hand and foot,made sure he took all his medication”after his heart attack.Turned my little porch way,into a walldrobe.I loved every single day.He went to work every day.Came home,had a shower,got dressed,ate a propper dinner,went to his CA meetings.Home by 10pm,and he was looking great.Such a handsom boy.My heart was bursting with pride.I told my self,this is what he needed,the love of a a caring mum.I lost count of how many times i told him,how proud i was of him.He managed to save up enough money for a deposite,and a months rent,to move into his lovly new home.I thought it was two soon to leave me,but he felt so ashamed,that he was sleeping with me in my bed.Honestly,i was under no ellusion.But i am a mother,who,s son is a crack head.I can believe,how i have got through the past 18 years.Theres nothing i dont know about crack”or the devil i call it”.I am aware,that ,nothing can help my son,and the only thing that makes him feel normal,is the crack pipe.As iv said,in a previouse post,it,s a waiting game.But surly,this hell,must come to an end soon.Cos the thought of me burying my son,is two much to bare.There must be so many mums dads sisters and brothers,sharing this hell.My heart aches for each and every one of you.Just wanted to talk,so thanks for listening.Eavy.PS.MY THOUGHTS ARE STILL WITH BROkEN MUM,And hope she is ok,.Thank so much for your kind words.And please be reasured,that you have indeed,eased my situation,by you”and you alone”responded to my story,despite the fact,you were also,desparate for emotional support of your own.Your reply was to comfort me,and was completly selfless.It was for the above reason,i asked,”in my reply”for more imformation.Thank you seams inadequate,for comforting me,at a time,when i was losing all hope.I sincerely hope,we talk again,but in the mean time,i wish you and your daughter well.You also take good care of your self.Eavy
Dearest broken mum,thank you so much for your speedy reply,and for your honesty.I can completly understand ,how you must be feeling.You say,you want your daughter to be the daughter,she use to be.So you must of seen a change in her behaviour.If this is the case,then that is a good starting point,for you to reach out to her.Tel her of your concern,and tell her,how you have been feeling.She will never have to know how you found out.Please beleive me,the reason you hacked her facebook account,was only because you love her so much.you have done,what any loving mother would do.I also have a daughter,she is grown up and has a son now.It was not until she had a child of her own,to realise,the hurtful things she said and done,when she was a teenager.Teenage girles are so hard to deal with.My boy was totaly opposite.When you feel the time is right,and your daughter shows obviouse change in her behavior,this is your opportunity to reach out to her,support her.You may have to play the waiting game,so be patiant.And remember,your daughter,maybe experimenting like thousands more.I will never,for as long as i can breath,give up on my son.I two am playing the waiting game.I am waiting for my son,to say iv had enough mum,please help me.I honestly feel,that this is a passing phase,.I do hope,that i have given you,some peice of mind.And a way forward,so your daughter will never have to know”what we mothers do”to love and protect them.I wait in antisiption for your reply.I two genuinely hope,that we”you and i”find the answers that we need.And who knows,our conversation may help many other mums.You remain in my thoughts,and “although not very religouse”i still pray to god,and will pray,that you sleep a little better,tonight.Love Eavy.xxxx
Dear broken mum
thank you so much for your compationate message,of wich i was very greatful.You did not give much of of an insight as to why you feel like a broken mum.Therefor i can only read between the lines of your message.Thinking back,all them years ago,”i remember very clearly”my very first thought,was to,track down my sons suply,r.But it did not take long,to realise,that this would be completly pointless.Crack was my sons drug of choice,and would find another suply,r in no time at all,so your battle becomes pointless.You menchen that your daughter,has not reached the stage of addiction.This tells me,your daughter may be in denial.I can only presume,that you yourself,are not at all aware,or nore do you have any clue regarding your daughters drug of choice.Your coment,Quote:you can not understand,why,after loosing everything,and him coming from a loving familly ,i can not understand,why this would not be enough to stop him:unquote:.This also tells me,you have no knoledge,regarding crack addiction.If you are able to give me more of an isight,regarding your daughters situation,and indeed,your own concern,s,i would be happy to listen,and support you,.And indeed,answer any questions you may want to ask me.Thank you in advance for your reply.Until then,i can only wish ,you and your daughter well.
Yours in all sincerety EavyI to have a 39 year old son whom has been addicted to crack for the past 20 years.I completly agree with Flo”above”.6 monthes ago,my son “following yet another 3 day binge”had a masive heart attack.The paramedics worked on him for 30 min,befor they were able to take him to a special cardio arrest unit.The main artery to his heart was blocked with a blood clot.He had a stenf fitted,so the blood could continue to flow.This is my 2nd comment on hear.My first coment,was a detailed discription of the hellish place a mother endures,of a sons crack addiction.My son came out of hospitail,and was heavily using again within 2 weeks.There is only one thing in the world,that makes my son feel normal,and give him any motivation to live,work,and to cope with this life,and that is to smoke his crack.I know that,or i strongly believe that to be true.Our sons are very ill.But no matter how much you love them,you must not keep catching them when they fall.
Not put a safety net in there way,so as to make there fall a lilttle softer.It takes courage,to let your beloved son,to fall and reach the bottom.It may take many years.And sometimes,they reach the bottom,only to fall yet again.You will always be there waiting,but never give them a thing to enable them to use.Money is my sons worse enemy,but stil he works to fund his addiction.So after 20 year,s,i am still waiting for the rock bottom.My heart is not broken,but as yours,in a thousand pieces.I hope i have given a little hope and comfort to the hell we are in right now.