Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hiya,
Yeah still here- I totally hear you with the struggling and feeling like caving. I pray it gets easier and less tempting. I find being bored the worst- I can really focus on my aches and anxiety and then all I can think of is ‘this could all go away quickly with a few pills.’
I’ve been doing ‘yoga for cravings’ and yoga for drug withdrawal as well as a meditation on YTube for drug addiction recovery. It helps. If nothing else, for 10 mins or so, I forget the cravings. Take good care – hang in there. I’m already at day 15 and I never thought I’d make it this far.
I’ve found it really helpful to read that day1 and 2 are the easiest- I had mistakenly thought they would be hardest and I’ve been really disappointed that my withdrawal symptoms have been so tough since day 3. I’m on day 14 now and things are just starting to settle but restless legs still rear their head now and again, my stomach is still trying to find its own rhythm and my anxiety is giving me trouble. I’m avoiding caffeine to try and reduce my anxiety where possible: I just have a deep since of ‘meh.’ Like, I can’t be bothered with anything at all. I know codeine would give me an energy boost and I’m not doing to cave in, but it’s rough. Good luck everyone in your journeys xx
I don’t have much to offer because I’m only on day 12 or 13 of cold turkey and it sucks, I’m not going to lie. I know what you mean about the high only lasting 20 mins or so and then the rest of the time being preoccupied by getting hold of the stuff but I think a lot of that was masking anxiety. Now I’ve stopped, I’m feeling the anxiety I always used to feel, 10 years ago when I started using codeine to feel invincible.
I hope it passes for all of us. My stomach has been awful too- it’s miserable isn’t it?! But today is the first day it’s been more manageable. So I guess it’s a sign I’m getting there, however slowly and uncomfortably. Today is my birthday. The first thing I wanted to do this morning was take pills but instead I went to see my therapist and then went paddle boarding. One hour at a time, right? Take care all. Love and light xx
How you doing today everyone?
I am so glad I found you guys. I had a terrible time yesterday and today feels much the same- total exhaustion but with anxiety at the same time. So I need coffee to be awake enough to work but the coffee just makes my anxiety worse. Last night I stayed at my wonderful boyfriend’s house and I had the worst restless legs AND arms. Jesus give me a break. I lay there all night trying not to disturb him but having to fidget anyway. I’m feeling really bloody fed up today. I don’t even know how I’m doing everything – I went paddle boarding and swimming, I went for a run yesterday- but please don’t mistake me for someone with any energy at all. Even making a cup of coffee exhausts me. I’m just pushing myself and praying being active helps. This place helps me- I was thinking of you guys and your journeys last night when I couldn’t sleep. I could have cracked- my bf has codeine in his cabinet- but I thought ‘then what, Emily!? Then you’re back to the start again. You have to get through this.’ I just lay there thinking ‘this is so awful. Take the tablets and start again tomorrow.’ Then ‘no. Think of the others on this forum- they can do it and so can you.’ Ugh. I think I spoke too soon saying I wasn’t having many withdrawal symptoms.
I’m with you- it hasn’t been a breeze and today I’m feeling like my bones have been replaced by concrete and my blood with quicksand. I feel like I’m wading through treacle. I’m cracking on with physical activities – I went for a run, did some gardening and cleaned the windows but my GOD it’s an effort!! Ugh. I know it’s worth it and I’m not tempted to crack but I want to acknowledge it’s really hard at times. Love to all xx
Not condescending at all. I really appreciate your comment. I feel proud of myself too, for the first time, and I’m proud of all of us on here, prepared for this battle. I used to think it was my fault I ended up addicted to these pills but I realise it’s not. The pills were a symptom and I’ve been focussing on them being the problem xx
All good here – I hope everyone is hanging in there. This is an emotional rollercoaster and I’m so grateful for having had therapy today. A combination of it being the right time for me, will power, experience of quitting (so being prepared for what to expect, and not being side swiped by withdrawal symptoms) and therapy seems to be doing the trick. I’ve broken the habit of reaching for the pills with my coffee first thing in the morning which I never thought would be possible to break. I feel free and I can look people in the eyes for the first time in my life, without shame. That is so empowering for me. I send each of you love and resilience for this fight xx
Morning all,
I hope everyone is okay today. I am on day 5 – the camping was exactly what I needed although I did experience the ultimate test! I camp in my little van and I discovered a bunch of pills in the glove box that I didn’t know were there. I’m so proud of myself for disposing of them. I haven’t had any sleep- the restless legs are torture aren’t they? But I can handle it. I trust that it’ll all pass in time. Sending everyone so much love and healing energy
Morning all,
I hope everyone is okay today. I am on day 5 – the camping was exactly what I needed although I did experience the ultimate test! I camp in my little van and I discovered a bunch of pills in the glove box that I didn’t know were there. I’m so proud of myself for disposing of them. I haven’t had any sleep- the restless legs are torture aren’t they? But I can handle it. I trust that it’ll all pass in time. Sending everyone so much love and healing energy
I totally get it – sometimes feeling happy to be in that tunnel. It’s a lonely place to be, too. I went to see a hypno-analyst after years of therapy (which didn’t work for my addiction) and in one hour I discovered the route pain that I’ve been medicating . I was just sobbing ‘I’ve always been so alone.’ I realise that codeine is my longest and most faithful relationship and that’s really sad. Unbearably sad. I think slowly healing myself enough to meet a loving human being has been the catalyst for ending with codeine. Maybe that resonates with you too? I really recommend hypnoanalysis – I can’t afford it but I figured if I can buy drugs, I can bloody well spend the money trying to get off them!!
Thanks guys- what a beautiful surprise to read your replies! I sort of expected I’d be writing in to an echo chamber. I feel really supported by your comments and I wish I had more than love to send everyone who is struggling. I wish there was a magic wand but I’ve realised that there’s only one way out of this, and it’s to go through it. I used to wish I could just go into a coma for a week and sleep through the withdrawals but I think the suffering is part of the process. That said, I hate suffering (haha- who doesn’t?!) and I’m not very good at it. Your comment resonated about living life without a protective bubble of codeine- that’s the real challenge isn’t it? The CT is just the start. I can see how life’s ups and downs have made me reach for my reliable buddy time and time again. It’s scary to think about doing life with no shield. I don’t drink and I’m not about to start. I guess most adults use alcohol to cope and numb, which is mostly more ‘acceptable’ than codeine.
Anyway, thanks for your replies guys. It means the world to me, here in the late sunshine in beautiful West Sussex
Hi everyone – I don’t know if any codeine recoverers use this page any more but I wanted to come on here to introduce myself just in case. I’m a week off of 42 and have abused codeine for 10 years now. I’ve got my life in order- I’m finally happy after an abusive childhood led me to make terrible life choices, so I couldn’t in good faith keep abusing this drug any more. It’s been a source of deep shame and secrecy for me and I’m sick of living like that. I’m in love and loved by an amazing man who doesn’t know this about me and that is enough for me to end it for good.
I’ve never quit for longer than a few weeks before- I go through the hideous withdrawals and then sort of think ‘ahh well I proved I could do it, so now I can use them again.’ Ffs. Today is day 3 and I’ve chosen this week because my partner is away on holiday with his son and work is quiet. In fact, I now have three days off and have taken myself camping in my little van and, for the first time in YEARS, I’ve come away without any codeine. I didn’t even want to pack any. I feel very emotional- I’m grieving I think, because ten years is a long time to depend on anything. I feel proud of myself and yeah, so I ache and my nose is running and I’m tired and I didn’t sleep well- so what? I’ve had worse in my life. That’s how I’m looking at it now. I don’t fear the CT withdrawals like I used to. I don’t want to give them my power. I’ve got yoga and movies and books and my journal. I’ve got the tools I need.
So hi- I’m Emily and I’m an addict. And I’m done with this awful drug now. I want to live my beautiful life without being dragged down by the constant desire to use, or being pulled towards chemists I feel ashamed to visit.
Sending everyone in the same boat love and healing energy.