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Welcome Cornwallmother, I’m glad you found us. You are not alone.. ❤️
HI Cornwallmother, I just posted on the Theresa thread that I told you about above. That should pop it up to the top spot on the Share your Story thread.
Yesterday was an angry day. I spoke to my sister and they had just gotten a new puppy on Saturday, the day after husband called me and things were bad. When I spoke to her yesterday, we only talked about the new puppy and when I tried to bring up her problem, she said she had to go. This is why the addiction thing is insanity. I was given a bombshell about her drinking, spent the weekend crying about it, and she wants to move on as if it didn’t happen. My son does this all the time. When he gets sober, he wants everyone to move on and pretend as though the past didn’t happen. Meanwhile, you’ve been through hell.
While I was talking to my sister, my son sent a text to me, his sisters, and my sister and said that he is very sorry, and that he has relapsed and to send him love, which we all did. I reached out to him privately and he didn’t respond for a whole day. I finally texted him that he needed to let me know that he is okay and he said that I’m being his parole officer and that it makes him relapse! I told him that I shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around him, and that if he relapses, it’s on him.
I’m feeling stronger today. Just fed up with all of this. I’m so sick of it all. It’s yet another reminder to myself that I need to focus on myself and my life and the good things in it.
Love and hugs to all. ❤️
*I’ve done the same thing as you with hitting submit over and over. It’s confusing because after you hit ‘submit’, it says ‘submitting’ and then resorts back to the ‘submit’ button. I’ve found that if you go out of the forum and then back in, you can see that your comment actually went through.
❤️
Take care of yourself.
Hi Cornwallmother- I remember you. If you go back through your thread, you’ll find me. I’ve often thought of you and how you and your son are doing. You were one of the first people to reach out to me when I posted a few years ago.
I’m really sorry to hear the nightmare you are going through still. It sounds awful. I’m still living my story with my son since I’m still here.
You are not alone. There is a great forum on here with moms who have addicted sons. Go to the adfam home page, then on the bottom left, click on the From the Forum tab, and then the Share your Story tab and click View All. If you scroll down, there is a thread under Theresa and you will see that there is a huge amount of posts on there. It is filled with stories of moms and their addicted sons. It is full of wonderful women, including Lindyloo above (Hi Lindyloo). She is the sweetest person. If you had the desire too, you could read through the posts, which could take a bit, but it is full of help and support which we all need. They don’t judge, they understand and we all need that on this crazy journey.
I’ll be praying for you and your family. It sounds like you are in a high stress mode right now. I hope that you able to take some moments of rest to deal with it all.
I hope to see you over on Theresa.
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Lindyloo- words I need to hear. I’m grateful for your caring. If I’ve learned anything through this process, it’s that I have no control over what anyone else does, even those closest to me.
My sister and I spoke yesterday. I would say that she is minimizing her problem right now. I remember that well. However, she did tell me that she has been seeing a private counselor for a few months now, so I guess that’s a start. I just got so overwhelmed like I had lost my bearings, since she and I have had each other’s backs for so long. I felt like I was losing another extremely important person in my life. I know I have lost what I used to have with my son-it will never be the same I don’t think, just different, and there’s a grief to that. With her, it remains to be seen.
Thank you for your prayers, they matter. I’m just being mellow today. I’d really love to be in my garden, it’s a mild 70 degrees and so beautiful! But, my back won’t allow it, so I’ll sit outside and read and just soak it in. And later, watch some American football which I love.
Fedupmom- I’m very proud of you for taking some steps to back away from your son mistreating you. If nothing else, you can feel good that you are no longer a party to his addiction and that takes some of the burden off. Stay strong as you can.
Love to all- ????????????
Thank you Joanie- it means so much. ❤️
Hi my friends. these last couple of days have been tough. It’s not my son. My sister’s husband called me last night to tell me that my beloved sister has a terrible drinking problem. My sister is my very best friend in life. We are only one year apart and have always been close from when we were little girls all through the tough times in our life- divorces, deaths, children- all of it. She has been an enormous support to me with my son’s troubles. I was getting worried about her myself because it often seemed like when I spoke to her in the evenings, she seemed tipsy and in the last year, often drunk. One time, she forgot that she was talking to me and thought I was someone else. I thought that maybe this is her having her end of the day drinks. I know many people do that and manage fine. Well, her husband told me that she’s been getting drunk every night for the last year or two. He’s not perfect, sometimes he doesn’t treat her right. I guess, yesterday, she was drunk by 3:30 in the afternoon and then just fell asleep. The saddest part is that she still has 2 young adult children living at home and this shocks me because she has always been such a good and devoted mother. Her daughter (whom I’ve very close to), called me too. She said she has been caring for her and putting her to bed on many occasions because my sister’s husband gets very angry at her and yells at her which breaks my heart.
The hard part is she never told me that is struggling so bad. I’m pretty sure that it is because of my son and didn’t want to add to my troubles. That hurts because we tell each other almost everything.
I’ve been crying all day. My back went out and I’m having a flare-up with my Rheumatoid Arthritis, so it’s been rough. I reached out to her and we are going to talk later today.
I know that this thread is for our sons, so I probably won’t post about this too much and keep it on our boys. You all have walked with me on my journey. If you are a praying person, may I ask for your prayers for everyone?
Hi Lindyloo- I read Kulstar’s story. He’s amazing and shows so much growth- especially in his thinking. It does give hope… ❤️
Hi DebC- thanks for your reply. It has to be so very hard to have them in your home. That’s at least one piece of it that I’m not dealing with. The stress would probably do me in. My son is 40 years old with a Master’s degree, and still trying for a PhD. He knows he can’t finish it, he’s too far behind. He’s basically continuing to take out student loans and uses that as income while he “tries” to finish his degree. He admitted to me a while ago that he was drunk through most of his Master’s degree and even when he took his Master’s degree test. He said he got one of the highest scores. His drinking increased when he went on to the PhD and things didn’t go well there. By the time he was student teaching, he was missing classes and students were complaining. One even said they could smell alcohol on him. He was on the hot seat and his family and I convinced him to come home, thinking being with his family would “save” him.
He thinks he does his best work when he is drinking. I personally think this latest relapse is him thinking that it is the only way that he can work on his dissertation. So foolish. His PhD is in Philosophy, so it’s not that he will land some high paying job if he finishes. There just aren’t that many jobs out there for his degree, and now he has a bad track record.
I’m glad that you are going to work on setting some boundaries for yourself. It does help- maybe not them, but it will help you. When my son finally runs out of money, I don’t know what I will do. I don’t think I can take him in. He lived with us many summers while in school and drinking and being lazy all summer. It was awful.
I don’t think my marriage would make it- he’s not his biological father and has less patience for it. The fear of homelessness for him is always looming. He says he’d rather be homeless than work at some “soul-crushing” job which is just ridiculous.
Just keep taking care of yourself. We’re moms, but at some point does this have to a death sentence for us? It shouldn’t.
Imagine- I’m so glad that your son is in a place where hopefully he can turn a corner. Take this time to recharge your batteries. Love to all. ❤️
Thank you Lindyloo and Bump for checking in on me it’s very kind. I’m doing alright today- just irritable. I had bad dreams last night that I was so angry with him, so I must be deep down. It’s hard not to when it seems that things should be fine with him. But then, I’m not in his head to know if there were stressors or triggers. The spring was just so rough with his seizures and all, I just really thought that would be enough with me nursing him back to health. I think it’s getting to me too because autumn is coming, which is such a beautiful time of year, and for the last 12 years, it’s been tinged with sadness because of his addiction. And then the holidays… I was looking forward to one that might have been ‘normal’. Who knows, maybe it will be? Maybe it won’t. At least I know that scenario.
As you all well know, it’s so hard to maintain composure so as not to trigger them in any way. But we’re human too, and I want to tell him things from my perspective. But I’ll wait on it until I feel I’m ready. It’s just that you put so much energy in to them when they look like they’re on the road to recovery and it’s a let-down. I don’t regret it- I’d do it again. Maybe someday it will stick. Maybe it won’t. Either way, I have no control clearly, and I need to keep living my life.
Eddie123- thanks for the tip on the charity there. I’m here in the US and thankfully have resources to help me through. Especially here, where everyone truly understands.
Lindyloo- I do want to read Kulstar’s story. Can you tell me which heading it’s under?
Hello everyone, I hope you and your sons are managing. My son has relapsed again. I know this is how it goes, but I’m tired right now. I found out he had relapsed the night before I left for a little trip with my hubby and siblings and their spouses. We really did have a good time, but it was on my mind the whole time.
It’s been numerous times that his problems have ruined a vacation of mine. I’m hoping it’s a short relapse, but I don’t know. It’s just so hard because right now he really has everything he needs to succeed. He’s reconciled with his family somewhat, he has financial means thanks to the government, he has two counselors and free healthcare, and me in his corner. I was irritable inside this weekend. It’s hard always being the cheerleader for him, I have feelings too. I want to tell him off, but it won’t help, so here I am with you all. It’s just so tiring when they turn a corner, and then they don’t. I just have to be forward thinking and hope for the best. Thank you for listening. ❤️
That’s so great that you got to see the Queen and Prince Phillip pass by!
I understand the worry with your son being low. I think depression is probably a common denominator with all our boys. My son has had pretty significant depression since high school. I always worry when life throws him curves that we all go through, but he’s still working on appropriate coping skills since his coping has been to use alcohol for the last 10-12 years. It doesn’t seem to take much to tip him over the edge. I hope your son will use all the resources that have been made available to him. Hugs ❤️
She really was a selfless, dignified, and honorable person- qualities that are lacking in many public figures. I hope that it’s not the end of an era, but it could be.
It’s funny, the United States fought for independence 246 years ago so we wouldn’t have a monarchy, and we are kind of obsessed with the Royal family over here. Although most of the people I know over here aren’t too enamored with Meghan- although she’s American. I just thought it was very unclassy to do that interview with Oprah. Not a great way to ingratiate yourself with your new in-laws, but that may be just me.
The Queen was just so amazing and I always thought it was so sweet how she dressed in such bold colors and always with a matching hat! We don’t really do dressy hats here, except for when it’s the Kentucky Derby, and here in Colorado, we are so casual, that it would just look ridiculous! The women here are obsessed with Princess Kate!
Lindyloo- things are okay here. My son has been doing okay since the brief relapse a bit ago. We met for lunch last week, and I could certainly feel a little bit of self-protection from all the things he said while on relapse. Even though he has apologized. I hope that your son is still doing well.
Bump- I hope your son is doing okay. I have followed your story for so long, that I’m really cheering for him- and you too. ❤️
My condolences to all of you, my UK friends, on the loss of your Queen Elizabeth. We here in the US had a fondness for her and greatly admired her long service. ❤️