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Hi Weegem- I’m also glad you found this thread. Dealing with a loved one who has an addiction is so consuming and very isolating. This is a wonderful group of people who truly understand the absolute despair, fear and anxiety of dealing with this. There is a strength in not feeling alone. No one here judges or has all the answers, but they have compassion and total understanding and that means so much.
Lindyloo is right, as hard as it is, please try and be kind to yourself. Seek out therapy if you can, read everything you can, pray if you choose to, and stick with us here.
Sending you a big hug. ????
Hi nannyger- it’s nice to hear from you! It sounds like you are plugging along as best as you can, and aren’t we all?
Thank you for the prayers, you’re in mine too. ????
Hi Joanie- it’s nice to hear from you. It has been quiet on the forum, which hopefully means good things. I’m glad you’re staying back a bit from your son just so you can rest since we never know what around the corner.
My son has been sober for a few weeks now- every day is something, but who knows? I’m trying to do the same. I’m trying to use this time to replenish my reserves.
I hope everyone and their sons are managing ok.
Love to all! ❤️
Thank you everyone! We are all stronger together….❤️❤️❤️
Hi Joanie- it sounds like your son is currently having some issues with his Covid. I don’t think he would still be in the hospital. When my son had Covid, he was also detoxing and they determined that his Covid wasn’t bad enough to keep him, so they detoxed him and sent him home.
I completely understand the anger. And it’s so very hard because there really is nowhere to put that anger in our position. Our sons have an addiction, so it’s pointless to lash out at them. And it doesn’t even help. Although I must say, there is a part of me that has anger for that small moment when they are currently sober and they take that terrible step to go out and get some alcohol. I’ll just never understand.
You can vent your anger to me anytime. I totally get it. Please keep resting so you can get your strength back since our lives are so unpredictable sometimes.
Hugs ????
Thanks for reaching out Joanie! I’m doing better. I do often feel alone because no one close to me is in the same place emotionally as I am. They just want to act like he doesn’t exist. Unfortunately that makes him worse. Yet, I understand where they are coming from because the same thing goes on and on. It does take a lot of patience to continue supporting them when the story goes the same. My sister is very supportive, but I don’t want to burn her out so I don’t always talk about it so that our relationship is more multi-faceted.
My son has been doing better the last couple of days, so that helps the stress level go down a notch or two.
I, too pray that they will see some sense. I know that my son wants to stop drinking- he tells me he does. I just really want him to get some therapy of some kind. He absolutely needs someone who can help with him the mental part of staying sober and not going back to what he knows to cope.
How is your son? Is he still in the hospital?
Joanie- I am so very sorry to hear this. After all you went through to try and get him past this. I can only hope that this is just a temporary relapse for your son. I just don’t understand the mind of an addict, how they can come so far and then go back to the very thing that is ruining their life. I guess I’ll never know or understand it fully. The pull inside their brain must be so strong, and of course, it’s a pattern and behavior for coping with things that is so ingrained, that they go right to it- at least my son does.
My son has been all over the place. He’s been trying to wean/taper and it didn’t work, so he ended up at the hospital again yesterday morning. The tapering is such a terrible idea anyway because how can you expect an alcoholic to moderate their drinking when every other time they can’t? My son is on the state medical care so it’s basically free when he does these hospital visits. If he had private insurance or no insurance, he’d probably not go and would probably have passed away by now from withdrawal. I admire the ER nurses/doctors who see this over and over again and have to be professional and caring.
My week after Easter was bad too. I knew my son was doing bad. He texted me that his phone wasn’t working and that it was about to die and wouldn’t charge. On Monday, I said I would take him to the Apple store. I went by his place and he texted me to cancel. I went up and knocked on his door and he was a drunken mess and so was his apartment. He cried and just looked awful. He’s so skinny. He’s down about 35 pounds from last year. He said he doesn’t eat. I have brought him food and some was still in his refrigerator. I messed with his phone a bit and it had blood on it and that’s why it wouldn’t charge. He didn’t know where the blood came from, he said maybe he had a bloody nose. He couldn’t seem to figure out his phone on his own- his critical thinking skills are zero. I brought him more food a few days later and when he came down to the car, he was so weak he could barely walk. That was Friday and by Sunday morning he went to the hospital. I was relieved for about a second, because this is the madness of it. I’ve spent the last few days very depressed and teary. I feel like I’m watching him die and I can do nothing.
I’m sorry that you all got Covid. I can’t believe I haven’t gotten it yet- knock on wood. It’s coming for all of us at some point.
Joanie, I hope you can get some rest and take care of yourself while you are sick. The brain never rests though does it? You are good mom and have done so much for your son. This is on him.
I often feel very alone in all this. How does your partner feel about all this? How does his brother feel about this?
Thank you Jem. I have been reading about it a bit online. The addictive part is what concerns me, that’s why I thought I’d ask if any of you ladies had experience with it. His psychiatrist has not suggested it to him which makes me think she doesn’t see it as an option. How is wish it were as simple as a pill!
Hi Jem- it sounds like things have been up and down for you. It’s definitely not easy.
A friend mentioned to me that she had heard about Ketamine for alcoholism. I know absolutely nothing about it. My son has had pretty significant depression since high school and he has pretty severe anxiety. Looking back, he’s always had anxiety even as a little boy. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have ADD.
I just don’t know enough about Ketamine. I seem to recall that some of you have mentioned it with your sons. Can anyone share with me their experience and if they think it’s something worth trying before I mention anything to him?
Ivy- what a very powerful message you have shared. It’s very real and we as the loved ones know all of it all too well. You are so right about the stigma placed on addicts. I must say I myself, have had some of those emotions at times when I’m frustrated. It’s such a complex problem that doesn’t seem to have a clear definitive answer in the psychiatric and medical community. And if they can’t figure it out, how are we as family members supposed to?
So true Kate- ❤️
Thanks Joanie- I hope your son is able to join you all for Easter- that’s a good step and I hope it will feel good for him to be with his family.
You are right about the anger part and I certainly had that which you know since you read my story here.
I am at a low point mainly at just how serious it’s become and how he is suffering. I’m doing my best. ❤️
Lindyloo- I’m encouraged to hear that your son saw the light with his bad relapse and started the process for his recovery. I do pray my son will do the same. He’s so up and down every day. Last night was the weird texts to the family, but at least now I know and just sort blew it off rather than let it get to me the way I used to.
Kate1- thank you for reminders to just love him. After all you’ve been through, I’ve really been listening to the things you say and I am in a place to just try and love him and let some of the anger go. You’re right about the choices and the outcome and that outcome could be that he doesn’t survive this. I need to love him so that no matter what happens to him, he will know that he is very loved by me.
I pray for a miracle. Sometimes I feel like I’m grieving him like he’s gone, because that’s how it feels sometimes and it’s hard to have hope, but I must because it’s all that I can do- and prayer of course.
Love to you both. ❤️
Hi everyone, my son canceled several times and then finally admitted that he had started drinking again. It’s hard not to be disappointed, but I do understand that he is addicted and this is the nature of alcoholism. It was just so soon and it makes me afraid for his health.
I stopped by his apartment yesterday to drop of some things and gave him some home cooked food. He got in the car and he wasn’t sober, so there were tears and guilt and the “whys”. He’s clearly in a tortured state and it was just heartbreaking. I just told him I loved him and to just keep trying. He said he tries every day and no one sees it. I told him that I’m sure that is true, but that I really want him to get external help as in counseling and support groups. He said he’s already trying to taper down to stop, but who really knows. I can’t imagine living the mental and physical torture he does every day.
It’s been tough on me and I’m aware that I need to take a breather and get back on my feet. I haven’t been feeling too good and my Rheumatoid Arthritis has been flared up, and my vocal chords have been flared up from reflux due to stress and I’ve been hoarse. So I’m just going to try and catch up on some rest.
And then Easter’s coming up and as usual we can’t all be together. My family is to a place that many of them would be fine with him coming, but I actually don’t think my son is ready to talk to that many people about himself. I asked him about it, and he agreed with me that it would be too much.
I hope that all your sons are doing alright, thinking of you all with love and prayers. ????
Thank you ladies for your support and warm thoughts.
My son and I were going to meet today but he asked to postpone until tomorrow. He said he’s very depressed. Frankly, I am too.
I appreciate you all so much. My husband just worries about me and his solution would be to keep him out of my life, but I just can’t do that.
You’ve all followed my journey here, and the times my son and I don’t talk are just torture. Being in a place of anger just doesn’t work for me. I’ve come to a place where I want just want to love him how I can, when I can, and try and take care of myself somehow. Some family members don’t understand that.
I’m grateful for my faith. I place him in Jesus’ hands.
I’ll text you all know how tomorrow goes.
Love to all. ♥️