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I understand Joanie. I fantasize that I could be with him every second so he can’t drink, and I’ll bet he’ll still find a way because it’s the way he copes with his problems. And what life would that be for me? I think you understand all too well.
Thank you for the prayers. We need them. ♥️
My son and I and my sister met for lunch the other day. He had been sober for a couple of weeks before that. The weekend before we met, I suspected he wasn’t because he didn’t respond to texts from me. He showed up for lunch and was very shaky- bad. I could smell alcohol on him and he was very teary-eyed and depressed. I just tried to stay upbeat.
I said let’s sit in my car for a bit because he seemed like he needed to talk. He hugged my sister good-bye and was shaking so bad he almost fell over.
He got in my car and instantly said he relapsed and had drank the night before. but that he had nothing to drink since then.
We just calmly talked about what he was going to do to try and get better. He started becoming agitated and had trouble talking and then he went in to a full on seizure in the front seat of my car. It was so scary. I just held him and talked calmly to him. It took him a while to even know where he was. I immediately took him to the ER because it was clear he was not going to be able to detox at home.
I spent the entire day with him at the ER and they kept him overnight. A person with addiction information came in and we talked with him for a very long time. My son did listen and he seemed like he really wants to try something. The addiction person said it’s harder to get in to full time rehab without having tried outpatient rehab first.
It’s been a few days since then. He did look over the materials and even stopped by to see where one of the places was, but as of today he hasn’t moved on anything. It’s so hard. This is the pattern when he gets sober. He gets very depressed and has so much guilt and then… well, we know.
Please pray for him and me too. I thought he was going to die right there in my arms. I hated to see that, but I was on my way to taking him to the bus stop and it might have happened on the bus. I’m feeling so sad at how serious his alcoholism has become and feeling incredibly helpless. I’m seeing him tomorrow because I need to see how he’s doing.
Hi Joanie- I’m so glad to hear that your son is doing better. You’ve given so much to see him to this place, and I hope that now you’ll be able to recuperate a bit. I pray your son stays the course- it sounds like he really is trying.
Kate- I hope that you are doing alright in your life too and that time will soften your grief. ????
Ivy- it’s nice to hear from you. It sounds like you and your son are on a difficult path, but doing your best. It’s really heartbreaking the damage that addiction causes them. They are battered and bruised and we are as well. I’m glad to hear that your son is experiencing some serenity at times and I hope you are too. Your story touches my heart. I pray that you are doing okay and your son too.
JB3- welcome to this group. I hope that you find a place here to be heard like no other place can do, because we all understand. There is no judgement because none of us has the answers, but we can cry together and hold each other up, and maybe even give each other hope sometimes when we somebody’s son doing a bit better.
Mammyessex- I hope that you can take a mental break from all this sometimes, although I’m sure it’s difficult when you look at your sweet sons faces and immediately think of their father. It’s hard to hold everyone up when you’re barely getting by yourself.
Love and hugs to you all… ❤️
Hi Jem- I’m glad to hear that your son is at least going in a positive direction. As moms, we’ll try anything, and maybe this will be the right thing for you both. I will keep you all in my prayers..
❤️❤️❤️
Hi Joanie- I’m really glad you are home. I’m sure your home is much more of a comfort zone than your son’s place. It’s terrible that your brain can’t rest in either place. When you’re with him you feel trapped, and when you’re home, you’re worrying about him. In the end though, his sobriety is his responsibility.
You are a good, loving mother and I hope your son sees the sacrifices you have made for his sake. I hope you can energize yourself with your family, friends and home environment. Hugs to you! ????
At this point, he’s doing alright. He’s been home from detoxing at the hospital only a week. I’ve been in communication with him and he sounds good; however, it’s always fingers crossed as I’ve been down this road many times.
Yes, God bless Katie. And you too. ❤️
It’s good you’re reading it. There’s a lot of wisdom in those pages. Most importantly, that you’re not alone. There’s a lot of embarrassment with addiction and it’s very difficult to share this with people, sometimes even your own family. I would have never, ever thought this would be my life. That’s why this forum is great. Plus, as you’re reading the threads, there’s some pretty horrific stories on here. It’s a safe place to share.
Hi Mammyessex, yes, unfortunately addiction does turn them in to people that we don’t recognize. That alone creates some of the trauma that we as family members go through. Addiction, by it’s nature makes them selfish because they put that before everything else. One thing to keep in mind is that addiction chemically changes their brain, so even though their behavior is so shocking, they are not really truly themselves- your loved one is in there. That’s not to say that you should put up with it, because that would not be healthy for you. Your kids need you and you deserve to take care of yourself as best as you can.
I’m sorry he left you, my husband left me too, while I was pregnant with our third child- my son was our first. It’s not easy at all. One of the hardest things we’re all trying to deal with is seeing our dreams shattered with our addicted loved one. I’m sure you feel abandoned in so many ways. Their addiction feels like an abandonment anyway.
I know this is not true, but with both my husband and my son, it felt like their addiction was deliberate towards me somehow, that if they loved me, they would stop. I’m learning with my son because it’s gone on so long, that he loves me, but the addiction is at times something he can’t control.
Rest and heal. Counseling has been enormously helpful for me and reading anything I can about addiction and how to handle your life with an addicted loved one. This thread has been a godsend. These are truly people who don’t judge. We just hold each other’s hands as we do our best to go on. I’ll pray for your family. ❤️
Hi Mammyessex, thank you for nice words. I too, have lived with an alcoholic husband (my alcoholic son’s father). It is a very difficult situation. I tried covering it up constantly so my kids wouldn’t see it, which unfortunately was enabling for him. And kids are smart, they see things.
The advice we give each other really is the same for you. Learn how to focus on yourself and your life too. Addiction swallows up everything and your mom, so you probably already don’t have much time for yourself. But try, you matter too. ♥️
Hi everyone. My son was discharged from the hospital that very night at 10:00 p.m.! He didn’t have any clothes because I had taken them to wash them because he had wet them when he had his episode- whatever it was. They gave him some random clothes and no shoes and he didn’t have his wallet to call an Uber, so he walked home. It was probably 25 degrees that night and the hospital is not that close to him. I didn’t know any of this until the next morning. I guess he handled it. I could get mad at the hospital, but frankly, I’m grateful that they take care of him all these times he needs medicine to detox. He said sometimes they’re not super nice and sometimes they’re very kind. Everyone I encountered was very nice when I was there with him.
He rested a couple of days and so did I. I wanted to see him and we met for a lunch by him. At least he was clean, and sober. He just looks so worn and thin, but that’s not surprising considering he’s beat himself to hell. We had a very heartfelt talk. He’s said he’s going to get in touch with a counselor- I hope he does, he truly needs one. He needs a lot, but that would be huge start.
I told him I’m just done with anger- it’s wearing me down. I told him I need peace in my heart, that I love him very much and I want him well, and I want to move forward. I will still keep my boundaries, and I told him that I’m here for him, that I want a relationship with him that’s healthy, that I miss him and he said he did too. He said he really wants to be done with all this, I pray he can.
For me, I just need him to know I love him, won’t enable him, but I’m still here for him in the ways that I can.
Prayers for us all, and our sons too.. ????
Thanks Lindyloo- you made me cry. Love to you and thank you for the prayers, so much. ♥️
Bump- I am so glad to hear that your son is staying the course in rehab. I truly, truly pray that this time will be it for him- you’ve been through so much.
I’m sorry to say today has been an awful day. I hadn’t talked to my son for a week or so and I called him just to say hi. He didn’t sound good at all, and was stammering. He said he was having withdrawal and then all of a sudden, he just stopped talking and wouldn’t answer me. I could hear banging sounds and sounds like him breathing heavy and gurgling kinds of sounds. I was pleading with him to answer me. Assuming he was having a seizure, I called emergency services. Paramedics arrived and I could hear them banging on his door. He didn’t answer, so they broke down the door. I could hear everything they were saying and he started talking but seemed disoriented. I pulled up as they were helping him walk to the ambulance. He looked awful; very skinny and disheveled and dirty. I broke down. The police officer said his apartment was full of trash and empty beer cans. My son hugged me while saying he’ll be fine, which, of course, he’s not. I followed him to the hospital where they began giving him the detox drugs. No one knows if he had a seizure , including him. I tearfully told him he must change, he must get professional help and go to rehab and despite all this he still said no. He wasn’t very with it, and then he just fell asleep from the meds. They’ll keep him for 1-3 days and then they’ll discharge him with resource options that he won’t use. I cried all the way home. It’s heartbreaking.