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So not fair Bump. I’d take some of the treatment from my son if he’d agree to be seen or talked to by anyone in the professional medical department. He won’t see anyone who will tell him it’s on him to change. We know we love them, but really, we need to save our marriages, be with our other kids, live our own lives because nothing we do changes anything with them. It’s on them. It’s just hard. Prayers for you. ❤️
Hi nannyger. I’m in a similar boat as you. I’ve had to take a break from my son. He’s an emotionally abusive and manipulative drunk and it was really starting to take me down. Although not talking to him is difficult for me as well. I start to forget why I chose to do it and have to think about it, then I remember why. He goes after me I’m particular because I’m usually the nicest to him, but he’s not nice to me.
May I ask how you’re coping with not speaking to your son? Do you have any tips?
Bump, I’m really sorry. How awful for you all. Unfortunately, their addiction makes them think only of themselves. I totally understand your anger. Even though it’s awful that they relapse, they kind of mentally escape for a while, while we feel everything with a clear mind.
I sure hope he gets back on track right away.
Usually people have bad dreams about their loved ones and wake up relieved it was a just a bad dream. I have dreams and my son is trying and doing better and then I wake up and the nightmare is real life. ????
Bump, it’s normal to worry. I do every
day. Hopefully your son will feel awful and not go all the way back in.
Let us know. Praying for you, your son, and your family. ♥️
Bump, I can’t tell you how sorry I am to hear about your son. I know too well getting your hopes up and then the devastation when they relapse. I know you love your son, you’re just angry and exhausted as am I. My son is no better. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve had to take a communication break from him because he’s an emotionally manipulative and abusive drunk. It hasn’t been easy, but I was really struggling physically and emotionally.
My son needs professional help that I can’t give. His mind is not right from drinking and I’m powerless to help him. Just prayers.
I think you, and all of us? deserve a life that isn’t all about our sons’ addictions. I’m trying to figure that out myself.
Peace and love to you all. ♥️
Bump- I understand where you are coming from. It isn’t fair to the rest of the my family either. That’s also been pointed out to me and I’m really thinking about it lately. It isn’t fair to my daughters, my husband, my sister, that my son’s problems consume me, that he gets all my mental attention and my health suffers and then they all have less of a person in me. I don’t quite know how to fix that, but I sure want to try. I want to try and figure out why I take his meanness just because I’m his mom, and a mother never gives up even if she gets destroyed?? Something is not right there.
It seems unfair that the person who is causing all the problems and at this point, won’t change is getting all the love and attention. My son won’t go to rehab or AA or counselors or mentors or anything that would actually make him face his problems. He just takes, gives no time or caring to anyone in the family- including his nieces and nephews, and is unkind and takes it out on me which I can only assume is because I’m the mom and am the nicest to him. Unfair. That’s why I have to take a break from him for a while. All I do is spin my wheels and exhaust myself trying to think of ways that will make him stop drinking and nothing works and I just need to face that. It’s on him.
DebC- my son doesn’t think of me at all. Right now, all I am to him is someone to prop him up and try to get money out of, which won’t work. But I’m learning that I emotionally enable him too. I didn’t even realize I could do this until people have pointed it out to me. I have a lot of work to do.
DebC- my son doesn’t think of me at all. Right now, all I am to him is someone to prop him up and try to get money out of, which won’t work. But I’m learning that I emotionally enable him too. I didn’t even realize I could do this until people have pointed it out to me. I have a lot of work to do.
I’m sorry you ladies are dealing with your sons’ relapsing. It’s exhausting. I wish you all strength and peace.
My son is the same, still a mess. I’m taking a break from him for a bit. I need to get some rest.
I’m sorry you ladies are dealing with your sons’ relapsing. It’s exhausting. I wish you all strength and peace. ????
Bump- I’m very sorry to hear about your son- he’s gotten sober and at least he knows he can. But really I think of you and the stress of it all. It’s just so much- it’s like their addiction became our life sentence. I hate it and don’t want it. Do you ever wonder how many of these relapses you can take? I do.
My son emailed the family and now he’s saying that he’s had a seizure which is news to me. In his situation, this is entirely possible and of course, I was extremely concerned. This was his response after my husband (his step-dad) sent him a firm, but loving email that he needs to take charge of his life and start taking care of his problems and not expect others to do it for him or financially support him. He didn’t address anything my husband said, just the seizure.
I’m his mom- I reached out to him last night and asked him questions about the seizure and if he’s going to get looked at by a doctor. He said the seizure is not a problem, that the problem is simple and that it’s me and I’m wrong and when ‘love’ happens, I will start giving him my disposable funds because of his scenario. So I actually don’t even know if the seizure even happened or if he’s just doing his manipulating. There’s no “normal” conversation between us at all right now- I tried.
So then it makes me feel like I need to just step away. Everyone is telling me to do that and to tell him that he can contact me when he’s been sober a while. My head says, ‘do that!’ and my heart says ‘how?’
One of my daughters told me that they have lost me because I’m so consumed with his problems right now. I’m really trying, but it shows on my face and mood. That makes me feel terrible. My other daughter told me something similar. My husband said he’s worried about me because I can’t keep a straight thought. I don’t want to be like this for them- it’s not fair.
If anyone out there has had any success with letting go with love, I would love to hear how you managed it and did it help? Is the not knowing worse?
(Lindyloo- my faith has carried me too…????)
I tried all along the way. I’d tell him, you’re going to get addicted to alcohol if you don’t stop, you’re going to lose your family if you don’t stop, you’re going to lose your career if you don’t stop, and it is true now. He still says alcohol isn’t his problem- it’s society, it’s his family, its misconceptions about alcoholism, it’s not his fault that he’s an alcoholic. That’s the biggest part of the problem- he downplays how serious it is.
I feel so incredibly bad for all you moms are dealing with drug addictions and have dealers coming to them and tempting them. My son walks himself to the liquor store. I guarantee if he had someone tempting him, he’d fail. The outcome is the same I guess. Their lives are a mess and so is ours.
I do the same thing even now. If I didn’t do some of things I did to help him, if his grandmother hadn’t given him the money, if I didn’t go out and get him in Philadelphia, would he have stopped sooner?
He and I talked about it all the time and he’d always listen and say you’re right and still not change. My problem is it took me so long to see his alcoholism for what it really is. ????
I don’t know either Kate, I wish someone had a real solution that would work. I tell my son regularly that I love him. I’ve given so much. I can’t even communicate with him right now. I try to have normal conversations, and all I get back is the weird emails.
So true….