[franticmum]

“eric” go away, come on adfam this is totally wrong, remove this horrid excuse for a human being, it makes me feel physically sick that these people are able to comment on our blogs, we are families going through hell and the last thing we need is these lowlife on here, I understand that it must be hard to control but please find a solution as this site has been a lifeline to me and plenty of others….. Rant over xx

[franticmum]

oops sorry for the essay didnt realise I had wrote so much 😉 xx

[franticmum]

I have Fiona, hes out of hospital seems it wasnt as bad as he led us to believe surprise surprise, on a more positive note he is now in the hands of the mental health team and has agreed to going through the detox programme yet again, not holdin my breath but crossing everything that can be crossed, if he successfully completes that then they will assess his mental state to see just what the long term drug abuse has done to him, I have spoke on the phone at length to one of the nurses there and they have mentioned paranoia, schizophrenia, and all sorts of long worded conditions, the thing is Fiona I cant feel any pity for him this is a result of all the years of drug use, you reap what you sow comes to mind, I feel really hard thinking this, but yet again he wants everyone to feel sorry for him, ive seen and heard it all before. At least at the moment I know where he is and professionals dealing with everything, I have told them I wont be visiting and want some distance from it all, its the only way at the moment I can cope, its sad that at one time I would have been pleased that things seem to be getting better but ive been let down too many times, so watch this space you never know miracles do happen, take care love
keep strong
Sue Xxxx

[franticmum]

keep your chin up Fiona my love, another day is almost over, keep strong we will all get through these horrid times together, goodnight god bless to you both xxx

[franticmum]

keep up the good work adfam, this site is a ray of light in the dark world of addiction, its so good just to talk to people in similar situations, Thank you adfam

[franticmum]

Susie my love, its this that is wearing me down you get a glimmer of hope and try to cling on to it then in a blink of an eye its gone, will they ever stop being selfish? somehow it doesnt seem so, my lad is in hospital yet again, after having a lovely weekend lots of cuddles with my 6 wk old granddaughter, got a call from a sister at the hospital saying he had been rushed in again seems he took a ‘bad’ dose of heroin, after weeks of no contact he expected us to go rushing to his side, well not this time, im just furious, if he choses to inject that s**t ( excuse the language) he has got to face the consequences i will not be a part of his drug riddled life any more, think I shocked the nurse a bit although im sure she has seen and heard it all before.
At this moment of time im so angry, and sad and tired I have on many occasions thought what life would have been like if he hadnt been born, all the good times we shared through his childhood have been wiped out by the suffering he has caused.
Well ladies we must must keep strong and accept that if they dont want to change we cant do it for them, but dont let them drag us down, its so good to have you all in my life although we dont know each other we understand the emotional rollercoster that all our lives are, take care lovely ladies I feel so much stronger tonight and you all must take some of the credit, I hope you all have a peaceful night and tomorrow is another day 😉 night night to you all you are all included in my prayers
love and hugs Sue Xxxxx

[franticmum]

Thanks Susie I know you are right, its just so hard I feel as though im losing my mind I just cant stop thinking about him and what hes up to, I spent the whole night last night laid thinking of all me and the rest of my family have gone through what his addiction has meant for us, its just not fair that one person can cause so much pain and suffering, My youngest son is coming over to take me to his home for the weekend, Ive got to get a grip for the sake of everyone they dont need to worry about me on top of everything else. I have got somehow to put the past behind me and move forward maybe after the weekend hey, just so at a loss at what to do to get over this
Thinking of you two lovely ladies I will try to keep strong
love and big hugs
Sue Xxxx

[franticmum]

Susie thats really great news, i truly hope it works out for you all, keep strong and positive and as Fiona says one day at a time take care love,
Sue Xxx

[franticmum]

He always will be your son Fiona and like me you hate what he has and is doing but love the boy who is your son, hold onto the many many good and happy memories that im sure you have, Ive not seen my son for over a month now and its so hard but im informed that somehow he has managed to keep hold of his flat so at least he has a roof over his head but unfortunately has got several “friends” staying with him, god only knows what state he is in, I am determined to stand by my resolve and have no contact I cannot continue to live my life as I have for many years so something has got to change and I cant see it being him. Its not getting any easier though, all I want is my little boy back and I know thats impossible, too much has happened that cant be undone, im feeling so down tonight as im certain you are, life is so unfair, take care hunny im praying extra hard tonight love Sue Xxxxxx

[franticmum]

hi Fiona love just want to let you know Im here if you need a rant, try to take one step at a time day by day, you cant be held responsible for your sons actions easy to say but please believe me you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, true friends will not judge you, if they do they are not friends, people will always talk unfortunately, but you are better than them, you have done nothing wrong, loving, caring and trying to help your son is not a crime, you have done what all decent mothers do, take care Fiona love, keep strong for you nobody else
love and hugs
Sue Xxxxx

[franticmum]

keep strong Susie love, will pray that whatever the outcome it will have a positive impact on your son. You sound that like me you have reached the point where you are coming to terms with the fact that your son has got to be responsible for his own actions, I have also laid some ground rules that need to be followed for me to have any sort of relationship with my son and the biggest is of course he must be clean of ALL drugs, at the moment he is unable to do this, and although its has tore me apart I am so determined to keep a distance from him, We have tried for many many years to help him only to have him abuse our help, so this time it is definitely true tough love. there is still a huge part of me that worries that he will not get through this time but if that is the case it is his choice, I refuse to be a part of his addiction any more. Sorry ive rambled on about myself again but I hope that with the help of the lovely people on this site we all will become stronger and be able to find some peace of mind.
Stay strong ladies we can get through this
love and big hugs
Sue Xxxxxx

[franticmum]

oh fiona love, my heart breaks for you, when will the nightmare end, I have been thinking of you during the last few weeks hoping and praying for a happy ending for you, its the vile drugs that have hold of your son once again its scary to think what lengths an addict will go to get them, there is nothing anyone can do or say at the moment to put an end to your suffering but please please remember that you are never alone with your thoughts and fears, although I have not posted for a while I regularly visit this site as for some reason it helps to calm me a little, just knowing that there are people who really understand what familys of an addict suffer. I will definitely log in here every day if it helps you just a little to get through this horrid horrid time, take care love and try to keep strong
I will pray for all us who are suffering and just maybe he will hear and grant us a little peace of mind,
sending you a gigantic cyber hug, xxxxx
love and hugs Sue Xxxxxxxx

[franticmum]

thank you both for your kind words, It really helps to share on here, nobody judges, I think because we all have lived either as a partner or parent of an addict, its empathy not pity that comes through in replys. I have had many many hours of counselling through the years but although it helped me, I never really felt they understood what I had gone through. Here I can share my deepest thoughts and feelings, at times just visiting the site and reading the posts and replies gives me some sort of release I cant really explain Not that Im glad others are suffering like me but, I dont know I cant put into words how my heart is lightened a little.
Lily1 you certainly havent depressed me, it helps to share experiences, my youngest son was only around 11 when this first all started he saw thing no youngster should ever see, he was bullied at school because his brother was a “druggie” he saw me trying to keep it together for him and at 17 he supported me through really bad times in short I nearly lost my life to the big C (still cant say the word), I battled and beat it, all the time out of my mind with worry of not knowing where his brother was. My other son was older and had left home to live with his partner he still feels guilty about it. I have so so much to be thankful for Im so proud of the two of them, they are hard working family men and have given me 5 beautiful grandchildren, I still to this day dont know what went wrong All 3 of them were brought up exactly the same and until 16ish he was just as honest and hardworking he did well at school and was a brilliant footballer to the point of being approached by a scout of a well known football club, his future was looking so good but then like a pack of cards it all tumbled down, im sorry if im rambling again but once I start I cant seem to stop, at this moment in time nobody has seen or heard from him for 2 week now but I know from past experience he will just turn up as though nothing has happened and expects to be treated as if nothing is wrong, can I handle him this time, I truly dont know at the moment, all I hope for is a little peace of mind.
I will pray for you 2 ladies and send big cyber hugs to you both, amd remember ladies keep strong and take care of yourselves you are the most important person in your life, hope you have a peaceful weekend

love Sue Xxxxxx

[franticmum]

keep strong Fiona You are included in my prayers every day
love Sue xxx

[franticmum]

hi Fiona I hope and pray that this time he will succeed, and you will get some peace of mind, as much as I get strength from this site it is also heartbreaking reading how many others are in our situation, its so hard to comprehend how this vile drug causes so much pain and suffering, keep strong love and I do believe there is a god so will be praying hard for us all take care
love Sue xx

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