[gcr]

Hi Annie,

I’d love to hear how you’ve been a year on.

I have been suffering so much.

My boyfriend and I have known eachother for about 15 years because we’re family friends. Over the past 5 years we were more than friends, working out if we would be more. We did become more and we spoke about us being together forever and how glad we were that we made it.

Last year he told me he had been suffering from a cocaine addiction over the last couple years. We were still able to function ‘normally’ as the addiction didn’t seem to interrupt our relationship too much.

I never judged him, I straight away supported him and did everything I could to make sure he knew he was loved. The addiction escalated and really took hold of his life from July-Sept last year. He would mostly suffer from the lows and wouldn’t be able to get out of bed.

He went to rehab in Oct 2021, saying that I was the reason he wanted to fight for his life. He came home with the same determination to kick the addiction, but realised it would take 100% of his energy. We agreed on space on our relationship so he could focus on recovery and when strong enough we would rebuild. The space was for the goal that we’d be together st the end of it, so not broken up.

I agreed to this ultimate sacrifice for the sake of our future, we wouldn’t have been able to have one at all if he relapsed and died. I couldn’t risk taking away his focus from his recovery.

I found out two weeks ago (through our family friend connections) that he is expecting a baby, next month. This means he cheated on me before he went to rehab.

I never thought he’d do this to me, he could hardly get out of bed at the time this would’ve happened. I’m in shock. I’m also so hurt that he has allowed me to ‘wait for him’ this whole time and still won’t talk to me.

He says he is working through it with his sponsor. So I just have to wait? My world has been destroyed, he would’ve known this day was coming for months so has had the time to get his head around it.

I’m so hurt, and so sad that we won’t have a future anymore. He has ruined any chance of that.

As far as I know, he isn’t with the girl which makes me feel slightly better. I wouldn’t have been able to cope if they were already playing happy families.

I just wish he would stop being so selfish for a second and let me sort to heal. He knows I’m going away for a few months, and if I don’t hear from him before then.. I’ll have to rehash it all later on.

All advice welcome

Grace x

[gcr]

Hi Kate, I’m sorry about your loss. I hope you find some peace knowing you couldn’t have done anything to force someone into getting help. We’ve all tried at some point and even if we’ve managed to get them to rehab, it doesn’t mean it will work. They have to truly want to take control of their own lives. Addiction is a terrible disease, it does not discriminate. I’m sure he appreciated your love and help throughout, a lot of people would run at the first mention of addiction. Take care of yourself x

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