[gil]

It’s awful so many are affected by this. I empathise with them but also they are the only ones who can stop this. I’ve been through so much the past 3 years and way too much to go into. I feel like I’ve done all I can we spilt for a while hoped me a wake up call was fine for a couple of weeks then it’s the disrespect, stonewalling, disappearing won’t answer phone, gives no explanation where who been with and then blocks me… it’s awful how to treat someone that way but I guess the problem lies with them not with us.

I’m really lost, my heart is breaking I can’t talk to anyone about it as afraid of what they’ll say, don’t want to publicise our business. It’s just the total lack of disrespect and vileness I just don’t and can’t understand it. I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and I’m treated as the one who has the problem ????

[gil]

Hi this sounds oh so familiar! The aggression is definitely a craving I thought also but I find when he doesn’t have it he drinks ALOT! Jack and Hyde for sure and treading on eggshells… it’s awful. I think we’re all in the same boat you love them for the glimpse that you see when normal but that doesn’t last. ????

[gil]

You are stronger than you think! You’ve offered so much to people on here.

It’s hard I get that. And your doing great only to be relapsing after wider spells. Don’t beat yourself up your trying and getting there slowly!

[gil]

Thanks for your reply.

So I eventually got an apology 4 days later and told it would never happen again.

But I’m not so sure……

he doesn’t remember the shoving????? and said he doesn’t remember much…..

guess what! He’s been on it again this weekend blind drunk and literally packed his stuff up and left….not even rowed as such….

I’m adamant I’m not chasing him this time. He needs to sober up and come down off whatever he’s on and think about things as this is a constant circle and I literally can’t take it anymore….

[gil]

Hi dan, we’ve had an emotional week to say the least! He’s in cycle weekly now of dissapearing which was once every three weeks. He talks a good show promises loads and then just walks retreats to parents. Almost like emotional detachment.

He says he will do X Y Z but never follows through. It’s draining!

Any suggestions?

[gil]

Thanks for the replies guys much appreciated!

He try’s limits the drink a few bottles then soon as weekend comes around it’s bottles vodka or gin!

Posted another thread this evening I’m so upset, feel unwanted , unloved and just fed lies and treated with no respect. I have empty apologies and then it happens all over again.

I’ve now stopped the chasing to as that was making unwell. The ignoring gaslighting it’s mental torture no matter how much of a mess your in. You don’t treat others like that!

I question is he acutuallg ever going to change. I thought as he had a lot on previously it was driving him to due to stress. But I think there is far greater issues mentally and physiologically with addiction. As he sees it he doesn’t do it every day. And says people do it frequently at weekends. As almost to justify his binges cycle every 3 weeks.

I’ve tried stepping back and the longest we’ve spent a part is a week and just don’t know what to do. We’ve planned so much in this year and some plans have already been broken. Just feel like I see a glimpse that he wants a straight happy family life and then next he’d rather hide himself away binges and then hit repeat apologies and making things up and then bang cycle repeats.

[gil]

Hi Danman83,

no I’ve posted a few times. Various things drinking and binges. The constant cycle.

His actions are so hurtful. I have regret apologies. I’ve needed him more than ever this week and he’s let me down. And instead disappears.

It’s cruel, he ignores me. I can’t get my head around when he’s in this bubble he doesn’t think of anything else!! It’s sad, upsetting cruel and torture for me.

[gil]

Hey so I’ve been constantly in this cycle. And I’ve decided enough is enough!!

He’s vile and on a downward spiral out of control!

So I’m stepping back I’ve given all I can!

Hadn’t seen him since Wednesday I’ve had a few messages but they’re just vile nonsense!

Last night he was quiet then about 10pm tried to pick a row over message to engage in convo. I know he’s been on it just by the way his messages. He’s a different person jackal and Hyde!

4am I woke up to two missed calls me being me worried called him back he was just silent on the phone I tried talking to him for 8mins asking where he was was he ok. Nothing then he hung up.

Obvs mind does overtime called and called him till 5am.

So I called to the house called the bell then remembered I had spare keys. Found him in bed he was alive so I left.

Then vile messages have started again how dare i break in?!

It’s time I start thinking and caring about ME! He’s in a vicious cycle and he has no remorse, no apology he’s been like this constantly for over a week!

What I’m saying it’s super hard and I hear you! But if he’s not going to change then you can’t help guide your wasting your breath! Also it’s impacting your health anxiety and depression. No one should make you or I feel like that. It’s not healthy. Standing back last night I’ve noticed I’ve isolated myself because of the situation. And that’s not good either.

I’ve always lived life and crazy thrown anyone who stopped that to the side! BUT this person has a hold on my heart that no one has before and it’s hard. So I know how you feel but it’ll strip you of your self esteem.

[gil]

Thanks danman83

I think he’s hit rock bottom this weekend…. ????

[gil]

I think he’s sucidal this evening. He’s emotionally disconnected all weekend with me.

Tonight he’s sending me pics of when he was in hospital. Saying he’s battling every day and masking and hiding his pain???

[gil]

It’s like talking to a brick wall! He almost died last year was traumatic for me and was by his side the whole time. He gave it up for 4 months and then relapsed before Christmas and has gained pace on 3 week cycle again. He was going it before hospital but told me it was anxiety and depression and that he needed to be alone. But he was binge that time in secret. Obviously he told me at hospital. Promised the earth had done nothing did the running healthy eating and relapses.

Promises and cycle continues.

Just hopeless. I’ve tried today which isn’t the best I guess cause he still caught up in his self absorbed self and high and intoxicated on vodka. So not getting through. He’s very jackal and Hyde. He’s verbally nasty and as much as I try to ignore what he says it obviously cuts deep.

My friends and family don’t know anything and if they did they say I’m nuts!! It’s hard when you love someone and see the good underneath but the pushing me away just hurts

[gil]

Hey temptation is always there. But what you’ve done is realised it and addressing it and that makes you a stronger person!

[gil]

Hey, thanks for the reply.

That makes sense on the emotional relapse. And yes your right he makes things out more than it is as an excuse.

It must be awful dealing with that. I’ve done it recreational years ago with friends but never became addicted. So i can’t rationalise how if that makes sense it takes a hold of you. But he’s been doing it years and a lot I think past 3-4 years so it’s taken it’s toll.

That’s awesome advice I’ll look into that app.

Hope your ok and keep strong it’s hard but at least your trying and that is all that counts.

I hoped after he took his life last year he said he’d change didn’t drink or anything else for 4 months and then just one bad day triggered old memories or whatever and relapses.

His current cycle is 3 weeks and binges so he does do it every day but when he does he doesn’t stop blows £200 or more and the drinking is ridiculously out of control.

Anyway thanks for your advice! Good luck!

[gil]

Hi mikey, really sorry to hear this. My boyfriend did a similar thing. His was down to physcosis he takes so much that hears and sees things.

He continues to relapse and binges on a three week pattern. Your doing the right thing reaching out and asking for help.

My boyfriend won’t thibks he can do it alone but he can’t. I wish you well

[gil]

Hey, I’m in a similar situation to yourself. Constant cycle but mine is 3 weeks cycle. The remorse kicks in days later and promises about that’s it kick the habit but then 3 weeks later it starts again.

I’ve tried a few things even making appointments but they weren’t kept.

I really feel for you. Is he lying about when he’s doing it and hiding it? Either way I think it’s a convo when he’s not high to say this is make or break. That’s the convo I’ll be having shortly. Good luck

[Author]

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