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I read your words… I feel your pain… I know your hurt. I, too, met the love of my life when I was 24. We didn’t meet in college or anywhere like that but at my workplace. From the moment I saw him I knew we had a connection and I knew it was really special. We fell in love over the course of 2-3 months of dating. He too was hiding his drug problem from me except he didn’t and hadn’t quit! When I found out I was devestated but also understanding… why I was understanding is beyond me. I had 2 young daughters from a previous marriage that their father had cheated on all of us by being with another woman! I guess I wanted to understand it in order to keep from losing him and being lonely. The damage of that was far worse than the initial loss for him in the beginning would have been. I found out he was smoking crack cocaine (hundreds of dollars worth a night) when I was waken by the pounding of state troopers fists on my front door! They ask permission to search my home and ‘tada’ there it was inside a medicine bottle stuck into my couch cushions! He was man enough to admit to it belonging to him which kept me from losing my babies and also going to jail but he also managed to agree to ‘narc’ on his dealers. Which he did and it sent them to several years in the pen! That is what caused his crack cocaine use to come to a halt. We lived in a small town with no more than 3,500-4,000 people in the last census report. You can just imagine how quick news of is ‘narcing’ spread throughout that town. Anger from many caused us to have to pack up and leave. I stayed with him thinking the worst was over… wrong! He picked up on abusing pain pills and started drinking liquor on a daily basis. Even during a hospital admittance he had me slide whiskey in for him! Which he had already on more than several occasions taught me to obey him. So I did! He has caused me to have broken ribs, broken nose, 2 black eyes, multiple bruising all over my body, and scarred my forehead from a beer bottle that he broke in my face! I was terrified to leave him. He would threaten me if I tried saying he would kill my girls. My way of fixing my problem was to join him in his drug use and also become lost to the drugs euphoria which made everything seem o.k. when under it’s influence! I also became addicted to pain pills and will always be an addict. I realie it now but it took me a very long time to admit my problem. & years I spent with this man! 7 years I lived in and out of hellish situations with him. Some were great times… I have thousands of great memories but then I also lived in hundreds of bad times which always seemed to get worse and worse. We had to seperate when he got arrest for a warrant issued by his ex-wife for child support. He was extradited back to that state and that is where he remains to this day! We didn’t split by choice but by force. I do still love him and I will till I die but sometimes it’s better to just love someone but be apart. After all we went through I now see that. I should have walked away in the begging when I found out he was on crack. I will love this man until my dying day… I have only learned how to live with the hurt of not having him, and deal with living again with a broken heart. I honor what we have inside myself. We call each other daily or at least send a quick text when we have really busy days! He knows how I feel and I know he still loves me! Sounds crazy saying that after everything we went through! We relive moments together… and cry together … we see what we had will forever be only memories and that instead of hurting each other during our worse times we should have embraced each other. I can’t tell you what to do! I know I LOVE my ex and will forever LOVE him. No one will ever compare or replace him in my heart! You ask should you wait? My answer to you is do what your heart pulls at you to do… if it says wait he’s worth it and he ain’t a lost cause then Id say your heart is right! No matter what you decide to do just be 100% positive it’s whats best for you. Don’t wait out of pity, don’t tell yourself he needs you cause he has his problem. If those are the reasons you feel you need to wait for him then don’t bother! His problem will exist with or without you… you are powerless to it and only HE can be willing to STAY OFF the drugs and want to get better FOR HIMSELF! I pray he has this very thing in his heart and on his mind to do. If he does and you stand strong beside him the 2 of you could possibly have the most fantastic life full of the kind of ‘fairy tale love’ that most people only long to experience during their life! So, is he worth waiting for? What do you think your heart is saying to you? I will say a prayer for you and ask God to help guide you to make the best decision! I’ll ask for Him to take your worries of his (your ex’s) failure away and I will ask God to watch over your ex , help guide him to becoming better, give him strength to continue staying clean and ask that God sees to it your ex Never stops loving himself because if he stops loving who he is then he will drown himsel in addiction so bad he will be on everything lose everything and be hurting everyone without a care in the world… we don’t want anyone to be like that! God Bless You for sharing your story. It brought me much pleasure to think about my life during the ‘good times’ I had with the love of my life! Thank you!
No, as a matter of fact, it won’t. I believe it will probably intensify so you should definitely go to your family physician and see if he/she feels you should be on medication. This is a life long disease that your son now has. Even if he gets thru recovery he is going to continue struggling the addiction for the rest of his life. I’m sorry to sound so cruel darling I just need you to understand the magnitude of this. Once someone becomes addicted to something that person stays an addict. It is solely up to the addict as to whether they are a recovering addict or a addict in use of their drug. I detest these drugs! How they come into our loved one’s lives! It turns everyone’s world upside down! I will say a prayer for your son and your family! I hope all goes well!
It is so easy to hear the hurt and desperation and cries for help in your words! I can’t make your hurt go away, I can’t bring your son back, I can’t make him clean and I can’t make him laugh but I will make a point of saying a prayers for you as I lay down to sleep tonite. If you don’t mind me asking… did ur son die? Or are you just full of anger that the person he was before addiction is dead? The son you once knew?
I have read and re-read your words… such strong words… and still I can’t tell if you are just angry with him for his addiction or angry because he is passed on!
I want to say somethings… You are a very strong woman and I do feel (by reading your post) you can handle what life has thrown at you. It’s never easy… losing a loved one to addiction! What worries you once had seem so small compared to what your worries revolve around when someone you love become an addict! It’s an awful thing that affects every family somehow or another. If a family is lucky enough to not have an addict in their life then I can guarantee they have someone in their lives that are ‘dealers’. Drugs! What was the need for all these drugs that seem to take over our world?
I want you to know that I am truly so very sry for the affects that addiction has had in your life .
I don’t really know how many people on here know the number one fact about addiction… so I always make sure it is mentioned in the posts that I reply too. Addiction is a disease! A disease that comes into the body by a person choices that they make but still a disease. It is a disease which has NO cure! Once someone becomes an addict they will be an addict till the day they die. Same as an alcoholic. Addicts can make their life good and can get control of themselves once again and stay off them the rest of their life but they are still an addict. It would only take 1 time using for an addicts mind to trigger a complete loss of control and start using daily again. Becoming clean is a long and painful thing for addicts and those who want them to get better. Some addicts might get clean for months and years then with just the blink of an eye they fall from sobriety and have to start all from scratch again.
Please rest as easy as you can tonite. It is hard! I don’t even need anybody to tell me what they are going through for me to know they are fighting against the devil himself when drugs are involved! Hope to hear from you again! Feel free to respond as your heart sees fit! I’m no stranger to anger, hurt, rage, fear, etc. I will be here for you as long as you need me! If you’d rather me not answer your posts feel free to let me know and I will leave you to yourself. This website is based around families who want to share their stories ! Sometimes it helps just to get all the feelings that are bottled up inside out! God bless and I will be praying for you and your family!I want you to set for a few minutes and try to put yourself in your hubby shoes. Think about what he must feel everyday knowing his problem with crack and heroine is not only hurting himself but his family. There is a few questions I would appreciate you answering if you don’t mind. if at anytime you feel I’m getting to personal please feel free to let me know I have over stepped my boundries.
How much does your husband use daily?
Is he currently employed? If so, how long has he had the job he works?
Where does all of his money come from that goes to his addiction?
Do the 2 of you still spend time each day putting the other first and trying to keep your love alive?
How many children do you have counting the one you are expecting?
Does he hide his addiction from all of society?
Has he ever became physically abusive towards you due to NOT having the drug in him?
Have you, at any point in your life, done drugs with him or anyone else?
Please don’t take any of those questions offensively. I’m only trying to get the details so that I may address you in a better manner. Thank you and God Bless!My best advise for you is “tough love”! What I mean by that is kick him out of your house without any funds, do not give in to him when he plays his apology card, show him you mean business! Reclaim your own life and show him he no longer has control! If for some reason your husband doesn’t or won’t agree to it then pack your things find a loved one to stay with and tell him he and your son can do whatever. Show them that you are taking your life back and rejoicing about it! If they want you in their lives they will respect your demands, if not, then you will still be able to be in peace as you continue living for you and not for his attention getting ways! God bless and stay strong!
Mina, I read your post about your son and his habits with weed. I am so sorry that your family is going through this tough time. As a mother also I can’t even begin to think of how bad I would hurt if it was one of my children. I’m sorrry to say that I can’t give you much advise if any really but I am here for you if you just need to talk. Quick question tho, what symptoms and signs does your son show when he hasn’t been able to smoke in days on end? What is the withdraw like that he experiences? I will keep your family in my prayers. God bless you!
Let me say this… God bless you for your honesty! I too know what you are going thru. My ex-boyfriend was also addicted to crack rock and pain pills but my story is a little different from yours. When I met ‘Brett’ I fell in love instantly! He too was an older man. After a very short 3 months him and I moved in together. It is during this time that I found out he was using crack, taking pain pills, and a functioning alcoholic. I had 2 daughter from my previous marriage and I also became scared of social services getting involved. Brett used so often that I became an enabler also and had became comfortable with it as if it was just the way of life. WRONG! I can’t set here and say I made it through without social services involvment because I didn’t. When they got involved it got ugly, I thought I was gonna lose them for good and like u said they were happy healthy and loved so very much and they were the one thing I was sure of! In my county I was lucky because social services accepted the fact that I was not a user. With that being said they didn’t allow me to be with Brett as long as I had my girls so I was left with a choice him or my children! My heart didn’t hesitate on what to do and neither did I! Although he was someone I had fell in love with he wasn’t someone I’d give my girls up for. My advice to you is to get out! I understand the two of you have these kids together but sooner or later it’s gonna come down to one of two things… you will either lose your children because of his use or they will find out what’s going on and the emotional impact that it has on them may be too much. You say you know he loves all of you but it’s not enough love to quit using! Have you ever took the children and left for a month or so to see if he’d consider quitting in order to have you all back in his life? If not, then maybe you could try that. He may surprise you and show you he does love you enough to quit! God bless you my prayers are with you and your family. Stay strong don’t give up! Remember, every storm runs out of rain!