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My fiancé was trying to cut back on his own and had a seizure and died in my arms early Wednesday morning. It still doesn’t seem real. Our wedding was supposed to be on November 8th.
I feel so lost right now.
Just know that you are not alone.
I lost my fiancé on Wednesday morning. He had been drinking for years and was starting to taper off, but ultimately had a seizure and stopped breathing. I’m devastated and angry that he didn’t get medical help with quitting. I begged him to go to a facility, but he said he could do it on his own.
He leaves me and his 12 year old daughter from his previous marriage behind. I don’t think she knows the cause, she just thinks daddy didn’t take care of himself. He smoked, he didn’t eat, he had such bad anxiety and depression that it would cause him to vomit for days. He had lost so much weight in the last 2 years. I knew something was seriously wrong. He did too.
He told me last week that if he died to make sure and check in on his daughter. I begged him to go to the hospital but of course he wouldn’t. Our wedding was supposed to be November 8th and we were excitedly planning. I’m left with the wedding that will only be in my imagination. I’m angry that his stubbornness has left me heartbroken and alone. I’m angry that I couldn’t help him. I’m angry that his daughter will now grow up without a father.
But my heart also goes out to him for actively making positive changes. It was probably too late, and he went about it the wrong way, but he was trying and for that I am grateful.
I’m left having to explain to my friends and family why a healthy 46 year old man could suddenly die. Only one of my friends knows the truth. I’m ashamed. How can I heal from this if it’s such a dark secret. I just can’t bring myself to further tarnish his name.
I love you Bryan. I hope you find peace.