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Hi Celtic I’m the same, never cried this much in a long time. Then go to rage, then my tummy hurts, then I ache. Last night I was up and down with cramps all night in my legs. But it changes hour by hour. In between awfulness I made myself go for some beautiful walks even though I didn’t think I had the energy to put on my shoes and I’ve came back feeling so much calmer. I pushed myself to do physical jobs I didn’t want to do and felt pride and up when I’m done. It’s such a rollercoaster and I know I’m know where near the end yet but it will be worth it. I know it’s lucky I don’t have work at the minute but I think if you can occupy your mind it helps you forget how shit you feel for a little while. We are all in the same boat just hanging on in there until we can be like the people who have posted saying there on day 42 etc and have never felt so good. I can’t wait to be that person. Hang on in there, I will too!! Sending loads of love xxx
I hope this doesn’t sound condescending since I’ve never met you, but proud of You Emmie. I know I’m close but I hope that’s me real soon. I’m starting to feel pride in myself again though so I must be getting there, but we’ll done you xxx
Morning everyone, hope everyone is good today. I’ve gone from wanting to cry to rage today! One emotion to the next, gonna use it and do some jobs I’ve been putting off. Popped some multi vitamins and some magnesium tablets. I haven’t had the restless legs yet so I’ve gone for the pills it says on the box they are good for fatigue so fingers crossed ????. Gonna try another walk later because I felt so up after that I just hope my horrible jobs don’t suck all my energy. I haven’t been shopping yet but celery is definitely on the list for when I go. Good luck everyone xxx
Hi Celtic, I’m so gonna try your celery blend ! I haven’t been to the gym but I move been for lots of walks in the beach and to the woods. I saw a fox and a deer and I was like wow!!! I forgot the little things that can mean so much but then at the minute I just cry over everything! I lost my mother feb 2020, then covid hit and my head kept spinning since. I loved and loved next door to her, her house was our house and my babies, well she said kids were the rainbow but grandkids the pot of gold at the end. It hurt us all a lot to lose her and happened in ways so much more quickly then we thought. I was the rock but feel guilty now because it was always Dutch courage making me that strong. But I loved her and was there and now Im just trying to be the person I know I should be, deep down want to be, and nervously finding the courage to be. Christ we’re all human I know this, it’s always so much easier to find empathy, forgiveness and love to anyone but yourself. Gonna set my alarm be up early to the woods tomorrow no matter how shit I feel. It feel’s good to know that I’m not the only person feeling like this, even though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone if you know what I mean. Sending love xxxx
Hi Celtic, I’m so gonna try your celery belnd! I haven’t been to the gym but I move been for lists of walks in the beach and to the woods. I saw a fox and a deer and I was like wow!!! I forgot the little things that can mean so much but then at the minute I just cry over everything! I lost my mother feb 2020, then covid hit and my head kept spinning since. I loved next door to her, her house was our house and my babies, well she said kids were the rainbow but grandkids the pot of gold at the end. It hurt us all a lot to lose her and happened in ways so much more quickly then we thought. I was the rock but feel guilty now because it was always Dutch courage making me that strong. But I loved her and was there and now I just trying to be the person I know I should be, deep down want to be, and nervously finding the courage to be. Christ we’re all human I know this, it’s always so much easier to find empathy, forgiveness and love to anyone but yourself. Gonna set my alarm be hot the woods tomorrow no matter how shot I feel. It feeels good to know that I’m not the only person feeling like this, even though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone if you know what I mean. Sending love xxxx
Hi Celtic, my anxiety/depression was linked to grief so I don’t know if it’s even remotely similar to what your going through. At that time though I like Casey told the doctor I was struggling with my mental health and was prescribed various pills at various times that sometimes helped sometimes didn’t. I always checked myself to see if they could be taken with codeine though as I Lao wasn’t ready to share my addiction. I’m till prescribed propanol but rarely take it now though. What I am finding though is that withdrawing I’m crying a lot and having dreams like this morning about my mother where it felt real, we were talking and just for a second when I woke I picked up the phone to call her before I remembered it wasn’t real and she wasn’t going to be there. I think codeine and pills masked a lot of emotion I should have dealt with and the time and stopping is making me deal with it all hardcore. So please be careful and get all the help you need. Loads of love xxx
Morning all, last night wasn’t a good night at all! Bad stomach pains all yesterday and after eating very little all day yesterday at 6 this morning I thought maybe the pains were hunger pains and made a sandwich, that didn’t end well for more or the sandwich! Not the best day today chills/sweats/emotional. But I’ve had some paracetamol and ibuprofen, a coffee and got my ass up and moving. One foot in front of the other today! Good luck everyone xxx
Hi guys, hope your all doing well, well done Emmie for throwing away those pills. I’m really envying your camping trip, I saw a campervan and a motor biker yesterday and balled my eyes out. I think when I feel like this I just crave freedom from everything all the hurts and responsibilities. I’m still sort of tapering if you can call it that, I’m almost done in a week and the otc stuff was so weak compared to my usuals amount I don’t even know if it has helped or what. I’ve been through every emotion possible through manic angry cleaning to crying and crying and crying. I think for me that’s worse than the physical hurts though that’s no picnic, but I hear what everyone is saying and I think my heart and soul need to cleanse. I’m also giving up alcohol at the same time so maybe that makes me emotional too. I always use an app called Breethe, always have and usually listen too bed time stories to help me drop off. One story I’m listening too at the moment over and over is called stillness speaks, it’s about living in the present and finding your inner self and I’m finding it helps. I like us all it seems have used codeine and other stuff as a huge big emotional hug, more so when my mother passed 2 years ago. I cared for her at home at the end and my use went from more recreational too hard core, so I think now going through withdrawal is also me dealing with things I should have done along time ago. I’m going for a walk along the beach later with my dogs. I have an older lab and a baby staffy who I think was sent to me just at the right time because I wasn’t going to get a pup for one reason or another I had to take him on but along with my kids he’s a little light in my life at the minute. Him running up jumping on my bed and kissing the life out me until I get up and give him love and food well it doesn’t get better than that. He’s so funny. Wishing you all a good weekend and a speedy journey back to yourselves xxx
Morning I tried earlier to submit another post but I’m not sure what happened it just didn’t submit. I also have read so much of myself in your stories. I decided to do the taper route, I have massively reduced my intake by about 85% and although I feel bad I’m out of bed trying to do stuff. I feel a lot worse today though. I’m going to keep going, but should I just carry on withdrawing until my body is used to what I’m taking now then reduced, or drop again before I get comfortable. I’ve gone from a pack of 30mg codeine phosphate over a day to 3 solphadine max 4 times a day. Not gonna lie it hurts! Any advice on how to keep going would be so appreciate. Thanks for listening xx
Thanks so much everyone, your all so kind. I think I was probably on average taking 840mg codeine a day. If I couldn’t get a supply I would switch to tramadol because that stopped the withdrawals. After listening to everyone I think I’m going to try and take 2 co codomol 4 times a day and taper from there. I know that’s a massive drop but I really feel like I need to do something drastic or I will be stuck on this same cycle forever and I want to be the best mother I can be for my amazing kids. I have no more devil pills left now so I will co purchase the cocodomol tomorrow and start from there and see how I get on. Before chatting on here I hadn’t thought that VT might mean I couldn’t manage to look after the kids. Hopefully this plan will work. I will let you all know and if not maybe I can try something else and find what works for me. Thanks again xx
Thanks for all of your advise, my kids ar a little older 14 and 10 but obviously I will still have to cook/clean take care of them etc. I was mainly using 30mg codeine phosphate. Probably at least a pack a day. I can’t taper on those because I know I’m too greedy. If I got the solphadine type ones I know I would be too frightened of taking too much paracetamol so would be less inclined to abuse those. If I took those as instructed, 2 4 times a day would that be enough to help me get through the day without being as Ill as you have both said. I know such a massive drop is still going to give me withdrawals but will I still be able to function? Then maybe just drop down from there. Or would that just be pointless and CT is the only other way? Sorry for rabbiting on. It’s so good to talk to people who know what this is like. I really appreciate it xx
Hi guys, I’ve been following this group for a while now. I’ve tried and failed a few times to quit CT and taper but never had the strength to do it. Something over the weekend had me hitting breaking point. I’m ashamed to say I got drunk and then told my dad, brother and sister about what’s been going on. They could just understand me through the tears and snot. My dad cried, it was so awful. My husband knew my problem but I hid a lot from him too, he is so relieved that it’s not a secret anymore so he has people to lean on too. My family were so supportive I felt like I just didn’t deserve them. I’ve promised to do CT, I’m off work for the school holidays so now is the time. I couldn’t get past day 4 in the past. I’ve been reading everyone’s tips and I know to buy magnesium spray, is there a particular type that’s best? I’ve heard immodium melts will help, berrocca, paracetamol, ibroufen, lots of water, Tavel sickness pills. Is there anything else that might make this more bearable. I’m so scared. Thanks in advance x
I have spoken to the gp and I have been prescribed various things for anxiety but nothing really helped. I’m still prescribed propanol so I could try those again is need be. It makes me feel better knowing I can contact the GP if need be. Im really going to give this a good go. I have a plan, thanks again x
Thank you, definitely would not say better but not quite as horrendous as yesterday. My tummy is upset, still going hot and cold and feel tired. Can’t wait to get through to the other side though x
Morning everyone, I’ve woke feeling a little better this morning. I know it’s a rollercoaster, but I’m glad I don’t feel as horrible right now. I’m proud I didn’t cave because I was so close to throwing in the towel yesterday. Your messages got me through, thanks. I’m here fighting today. No alcohol for me today as that’s a trigger for me. Hope you all have a happy new year x