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Your post is so very true and so similar to my experience. The self pity is something I hear a lot. He also sends lots of voice messages and my daughter says don’t read them if he’s been in a angry tirade but I always listen because I think he may do something even worse if I don’t listen . He says I don’t lovery him I love my daughter more and my other son more. It sounds so childish but in his head he believes it . He thinks we have turned against him . The jelousy is very real he’s jelous of his siblings and I think somewhere inside he’s jelous of the life we had before the drugs and drink took over. It makes me feel useless as nothing I try to do has ever helped . I moved in with him last year he said if I did he would give it up . But he continued using and when I saw him actually using denied it and called me a liar. I can’t talk to anyone really. I’m embarrassed to tell people I make excuses for his absences. And have been left mortified on many occasions his behaviour is so erratic he can go from laughing to flipping out in minutes. I’ve had some really embarrassing situations over the years. I know there’s worse things with the addiction to worry about than that but I find that after all these years his addiction still makes me feel ashamed . It’s a horrible drug isn’t it . I still have hope he will want to recover from this . We have to have hope.
Hi , my son has a big problem with cocaine. He is 32 yrs old and started off maybe 10 yrs ago using at weekends. Gradually I noticed changes in him. Losing jobs having no money and not having contact with me as much. We are /were a close family. Now he uses every day . I don’t recognise him anymore. I haven’t seen him for 2 months .I keep contact by texts . He says he will visit but something always comes up. I know his life is all about planning to get the drug . When I saw more of him the arguments were terrible. He would go in to rages and say awful things to me. He’s totally paranoid and with the drugs come’s the mood swings. He was always sorry after he had been awful. But then the next time say the exact same things . It drove a big wedge between us because after years of the same abuse eventually I stopped asking him to come round .I love him but I was dreading him coming because I couldn’t take any more. I’m nearly 60 in bad health. I’ve gone with him to get help from various organisations but I realised he only ever went to please me and and he never followed any thing up. The rows are very hard to deal with and I stopped even trying to reason with him . I was arguing with a substance not the son I knew . I’m sorry I can’t give you any advice because all these years later I still don’t know any answers . I suppose one thing is years ago I stopped taking it personally and the penny dropped that I couldn’t reason with him the drug is far more powerful than me x I wish u well x
That would be fantastic. No more batteries. That could be my new code word . Batteries. I do have to speak in code a lot . thank you for the chat and actually managing to smile it’s been a bad day . Hope you get some sleep x
Lol I’d like his to run out a lot more ! I wish he was on pound shop battery’s and not duracel!
I know what you mean I knew nothing really about cocaine until I found out he was taking it . It’s very scary when it comes into your world. You worry about the user and worry about other people’s reactions. Good luck with whatever you decide and I think there is no right or wrong way to deal with it. We didn’t choose to be in this situation we are trying to help our loved ones and whatever we choose to do its because of our love for them x
Yes when I was new to all this many moons ago I used to make the mistake of arguing with him it took a while until it dawned on me I’m arguing with the drug not him. Now I find it better to wait until he’s not high or coming down which is a art in its self. He used to ask me to stay at his but one time he was really verbally aggressive to me and I did draw the line and I’ve stayed since . It was a hard decision but no one should be treated like that and all his excuses didn’t make it acceptable. Hope all works out well for you.
Sounds like your having a awful time , I’ve had many of those over the years with my sons addiction to cocaine. It’s a lonely place to be in at times as any other illness you can talk about freely but I find it difficult as not many people know my situation. I’ve had too many embarrassing situations caused by him my skin is like a rhino now . It’s a horrible drug. I’m sorry I can’t give you any useful advice. I should be able to I had years of experience but I have no answers. I muddle through one calamity to the next . One thing I learnt was not to take anything he says to heart anymore. I used to get so upset when he said hurtful things etc but I’ve learnt to not respond and I suppose it’s easier for me I can leave he doesn’t live with me . Hope everything settles down for you. The nights are always worse I find. Sorry not much help but wish you well.
I can understand how difficult this is for you . My son has been addicted for a long time to cocaine and other drugs. In my experience it has caused me many dilemmas . I’ve covered for his behaviour , not told certain people the whole story etc. I also moved in with him to help sort him out again having to tell certain people a different reason for my staying with him . I think if you tell your dad your going to upset your brother and if you don’t you could upset your dad . You can’t win . It’s going to have to be your call and I know it’s hard but maybe at this stage with the possibility of your brother getting the help he needs maybe I would let your brother decide who he wants to tell. It’s his illness and I think you sound like you wouldn’t like to break the trust at this stage . Well done on your support it’s difficult. I’ve been doing the same now for a very long time . I wish you well.
Hi I’m sorry you are feeling so down and I really haven’t got a lot of advice other than now you have made this step maybe you could continue and try to maybe phone one of the support lines for addiction. I can only speak as I’m a mother with a son who has a big cocaine addiction and also smokes weed like a chain smoker. He has had relationship break down as this has been a 10 year habit . He had a great job , great friends and family but has lost most of them to this horrible addiction. Im still there trying different suggestions I’ve arranged rehab but so far he isn’t ready. I’ve learnt over the years that I can’t make him live the life I want him to have. I think you have done wonderful to make this step . Please keep seeking support it really is there . My son always says that everything was better when he was with his partner and thinks if she was back all would be better but sadly the drugs have caused him to be very depressed and I think he wants to believe she would make it right but all I can continue to say to him is he is the one that can make everything right no one else. This horrible drug has stolen everything and he is the only one to re gain life . I wish you well in your journey and what a massive step you have taken . Good luck.
My son has lost almost everything he smokes weed and takes cocaine every day. He can hardly function . It’s been 5 years at least. I don’t know this person at times . It’s so sad to see he had the best job and everything to look forward to. All I can say is that I can hear that you want the change, that you realise what it’s doing to your life and that is so important. Once you can see that and admit it that’s so good. My son has said it because it’s something he wants me to believe but unfortunately it’s words he doesn’t mean it yet. I’ve arranged rehab etc but he doesn’t want to admit it yet . So basically what I’m saying is I believe you and I wish you well in your life . You made the important step.
Well done that is a big achievement and I appreciate how difficult it must be. I hope it continues and it’s so uplifting to hear that x
Please attend a meeting if you can . I wish my son had continued because they welcomed him , they don’t judge and it’s a valuable support. I wish you well and I hope you get the support . Best wishes
My son used to say I only use it when I go out, tried to make it sound like it was as normal as having a pint …everyone does it..fast forward 10 years. He does it every day . It’s ruined his relationship. It’s ruined his mental health and physical health . It’s got to the stage we don’t know this person . We have supported him to attend groups. I moved in to help him get clean but the reality is he can’t do it the addiction is beating him. He’s lost everything and maybe even now deep down he doesn’t really want to . He would trade family for this drug in a heartbeat. Don’t underestimate it and think you can control it because before you know it your under its control .