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Your story mirrors everything I have been thinking and feeling, I wish i could give you a hug. I want to believe that we can get through this and that it will get better. But for myself I am worried at what it might cost. I feel like I’m getting more and more isolated and even starting to doubt my own sanity. Take care of yourself.
They don’t understand, after my husband tried to hang himself twice and set fire to him self one in just two days the ‘medical profession did nothing, just wait to his next appointment they said. I told them he wouldn’t be alive in a weeks time! ‘m lucky he is till here but the drinking still goes on and the help still isn’t there. The NHS isn’t up to the task and Private care is to expensive even if you can find someone to give you the time of day.
I know what you mean it’s always our fault and the hurtful things they say just keep coming. Although they say it they never mean it its just a way of dealing with their own anger. It’s doesn’t help much to know that as it still hurts but i’m sure he still loves you. We have been trying to get help for years but the doc’s etc will only look at the drinking as the problem and not the depression that came first. Don’t give up hope, our hope is all they have.