Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
I am sorry to hear that you haven’t had contact yet DNAnon.
I’m hoping Danman is doing well still too.
Do you think when you text your son that he puts up a barrier because he feels you are accusing him of taking cocaine (which he has been doing of course)? Mums are so protective and want to make everything right.
It’s good to hear that he is now seeing his kids and hopefully soon he will be able to resume a normal relationship with you too. It’s awful to say but we cannot control what happens when or if he lets his kids down. My heart goes out to you. But you yourself are not letting them down. I hope you get what you desire, a happy son with a normal, happy life.
Keep well.
I think my brother in law thought it would be a straight road. What with my sister doing so well for four weeks. It was a miracle in my eyes too. But being on here has made me realise that relapses can happen after seeing other peoples stories. It helps.
It’s a hard decision to make separating, is he putting the ball in your court?
It’s good that you have been helped going to the al-anon meeting hopefully it will give you insight and you won’t have to separate. (Unless of course you decide you want to.)
I have asked her to go to an open meeting al-anon next week with my other sister and myself going for support. Hopefully then she can go on her own and feel comfortable. We do all need to talk to people in a similar situation and from your experience it looks like a positive move for us.
Keep strong.
I’m currently trying to support one of my sisters.
She too has a drink problem and can function easily under the influence. She has been doing this for years lying and manipulating.
Her husband had given her an ultimatum the drink or her family. She decided to accept his help and support and for four weeks she has been sober. She was feeling much better in herself too.
She has now relapsed. No trigger that I can see or get out of her. She decided to walk to the shop and get a bottle and she downed it all before her husband got home from work. After finding the empty bottle he told her to leave the family home. He cannot put up with the abuse and violence anymore.
He is devastated and angry and can no longer support her addiction.
My sister and myself have rallied round and are trying to support her. She says she wants help. It’s hard as we too have had the abuse and violence for years.
A drink has not passed her lips for two days. She is living on her own at the moment and I’m making sure she makes time for herself as she has not done this for years. She has an appointment at Turning Point next week and I feel is a step in the right direction. We cannot do this by ourselves and I have convinced her she needs to speak to people in the same situation so she can realise what are the triggers and what makes her drink to access.
I wish you well, you are not alone.
Hi Michelle. I hope you have got through to your husband and he is trying to stop the cocaine usage.
I know what you mean when you say they change. My husband has changed completely. He doesn’t have a glimmer of the person he used to be and he cannot feel the love for me that he used to and he doesn’t know why. Luckily I do, cocaine came before me. My husband was the greatest before the coke took hold.
I hope he gets help with his addiction soon as I wouldn’t want another loving family destroyed by cocaine.
I wish you well.
You are not alone Lil. I have been in the same position.
Does your husband realise he has a problem or is he happy doing what he does? I ask this because mine doesn’t realise he has an addiction and it has ruined my life.
I feel for you having ‘lost’ your husband and your life to cocaine. Like myself. I understand you completely saying you feel like you are living someone else’s life. It is a nightmare and can only be solved by your husband wanting help for his addiction and wanting it wholeheartedly. I say this because I hope he gets help soon before he loses all the ability to love what he once did. I’m in this situation and I don’t wish it on anyone.
My ‘husband’ also went out overnight repeatedly and not returning home until he had had his fill of alcohol and sniffed enough cocaine.
Please talk to him when he returns and comes down, ask if he wants help, he is the only one that can do it.
I hope you can get your husband back and your life back on track. You must also look after yourself and keep strong.
I’m sorry to hear that you have been forced into doing this. It is heartbreaking. Keep safe and like you say focus on yourself and your children for a while. It’s your time now. Stay strong.
Have you spoken to your mum about needing her to be there as a mother to you?
My sister has a problem with the drink and is nasty and violent. This has been happening for years. Doctors would’t help and a councillor didn’t think she had a problem with drinking eighteen cans a day. Recently her husband has said enough is enough. He has suffered through the years more than me and my other sister. She has now decided to do something about it. She doesn’t want to lose us all. She hasn’t had a drink for three weeks now. But I’m afraid it took losing us all to do something about it. Keep strong and keep yourself well.
I don’t think we can help until they want it. We can be at the end of the phone and try to be supportive, its all we can do.
I have spoken to my sister this morning on the phone.
She is now three weeks without a drink, going from eighteen cans a day plus cups of whisky. I cannot remember a time that she’s not been on the drink.
She never seems to get a hangover so thinks she isn’t an alcoholic as her husband calls her. But she definitely has a drink problem, she was violent and spiteful the majority of the time. She went to the doctors and told him that she had a problem, he prescribed anti depressants which obviously didn’t work washed down with a can of beer. She also went to a councillor that said she hadn’t got a problem. So no help was provided even though it was asked for repeatedly.
The thing thats helping now is realising that she will lose her loving husband and son, which she does not want to happen. They had a heart to heart and he told her that arguing and falling out with family and friends could not continue. My other sister and myself had refused to talk to her for months. We cannot help.
We talked about the cause of her drinking she says there is no reason for it. We have come to the conclusion that it is a habit. She now doesn’t go shopping on her own so she can be persuaded not to buy drink. If she wants a drink her husband is there to persuade her not to and it is working. She wants it to work and has accepted the help. She feels much better without the drink now and she didn’t turn anything I said into an argument.
My ‘husband’ was the same. Going out, drinking excessively and using cocaine. He would be out all hours only coming back to come down. I was there to pass the tissues, rub his back whilst being sick. Getting the paracetamol and orange juice to cure the headaches and hangover. But he chose that lifestyle, he preferred it to the happy life we used to have.
He was a horrible, hurtful person and I will never get over the spiteful things he said to me and I cannot easily forgive now. I thought I could.
He has left the marital home for over a week now. I too worried about the come downs but at the end of the day it is his choice to sniff and drink, like he says to me it’s his life he can do what he wants.
My ‘husband’ has been going through a very stressful time but I know I do not deserve the treatment he has dished out to me and is continuing to do so. He didn’t think he had a problem, still doesn’t.
The man I love has gone and no amount of pleading has brought him back. The majority of his family and friends are into drugs, taking or dealing, one way or the other so they are of no help. The anxiety is still with me.
Lime18, I don’t think you are a misery at all. I can understand your devastation, I feel the same. Thinking of them every minute of every day. You eventually fall asleep thinking of them (husband) you wake up numerous times in the night thinking of them, then you wake in the morning thinking of them, feeling sick. There is no peace with this addiction. I can fully understand and I know I will not feel real happiness again either. I’m worn out too.
You need to look after yourself.
It’s not easy giving it up and it will be a long haul. But he really has to want to stop and not lie to you just to keep a roof over his head whilst you are providing his creature comforts. You work hard and you can’t risk your job constantly worrying about him. I’m the same I constantly worry at work, luckily I have an understanding boss and have worked there a long time.
Looking back now I have picked up my husband after his all night drinking and coke sessions. This is at the weekend though when I don’t work but it’s still the same I have run around after him.
Hi Bobby. How are you feeling?
Only me here at the moment and the ‘wife’ of a cocaine ‘user,