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I think thats the way forward to keep busy, it does take your mind off things for a while focusing on the job. For me though after work its hard to get out the house. Anxiety and panic attacks are my problem. I plan, then all fails at the last hurdle, one day I will get over the finish line. I’m panicking writing this so I know its bad.
He still doesn’t realise that the coke has altered his mindset and blocks out our previous happy life and has actually admitted he does this. He’s a totally different person. Cold as ice mostly and on very rare occasions tearful with remorse.
He has not been out on the usual stuff, alcohol and coke but he is going out with other dodgy friends and relatives now and is up to no good. I’m waiting for that knock on the door one way or the other.
I’m so glad that you are hearing something positive regarding your son. Are you keeping yourself well?
Still feeling quite strong here, husband still hasn’t moved out. Should have been three weeks ago. He didn’t wish me a happy birthday on the 21st which was either a good move from him or he had forgotten. He has only been out once over the last week and not with the ‘coke friends’ When I told him that he’d chosen coke over his wife I think it hurt him.
Stay strong.
I feel for you. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Can you bear to do a text saying you will always be there for him when he’s ready and leave him to it? It will be hard, but what you are doing now is hard on you too. You are making yourself ill and whilst he is on the coke he’s not thinking of anyone else’s wellbeing. It’s a cruel way to treat people, but thats what coke does to you. He probably feels like you are harassing him all the time, we know this isn’t true as this is what we do when we care for our loved ones and want whats best for them. At the moment he feels like what he’s doing is best for him. It seems like your life is on hold until he comes to his senses. Keep strong we are with you.
I’m so glad you know the tricks your mind is playing on you. Thank you for sharing these episodes, knowledge is good. Keep up the good work and the reading Dan. Now you are officially addicted to reading like a lot of us on here.
I didn’t realise how many of us had an addiction to reading books.
You are not alone. There are plenty of us with the same problem. I see the same pattern with my husband, late nights and not wanting to do anything with me. Christmas day was spent being ignored and humiliated in front of people who work for him. Then Christmas night he went out to a friends house where there is plenty of drink and coke. He then spends the day after ill in bed with ‘flu’ etc.
The thing is I can’t do anything about it, he says he doesn’t have an addiction. It is hard to get off coke even if your husband admits to taking it.
I also worry like you about him dying. When he’s out, I think he could be involved in an accident. When he gets home, he locks himself away and tries to sleep it off I hear him gasping for breath and coughing uncontrollably.
When they are on the coke they do not care about anyone or anything else. They can completely change in personality and only feel emotion when they want to or if they have to.
We can only help when they ask for it and let them know we will be there for them . I felt alone too until I found endless support on here.
We have retaliated on numerous occasions, I suppose its because we are sisters. She says that she loves us and wouldn’t let anyone else hurt us but she can.
With the excessive drinking she has aged visibly. She looks older than me and I am twelve years her senior.
She hasn’t attempted to call us so hopefully she is still being cut down. Otherwise she will crash and burn alone.
I might seem heartless but I do have problems in my own life so I have to put her on the backburner now and let others take control.
You are definitely not alone.
My sister has the same problem. When she has asked for help the doctors and councillor said she has no problem with the drink. She can lie and manipulate good.
After revealing to her husband that she drinks eighteen cans a day (This is not including the whisky that she drinks from a cup) she has finally said she has a problem. Her husband is now cutting her down. She has agreed to this and I hope that it works.
My sister is the same. She used to say she hadn’t got a problem just liked a drink. But if she didn’t have a problem we did. She doesn’t get hung over and drives everywhere.
She argues, falls out with friends and family. She fell down the stairs and badly injured her heel. She has even physically fought with us and after she doesn’t know what she’s done or the hurtful things she says. She is pure evil on the drink which is every day. She has been hospitalised for stomach pains and the doctors after tests say she’s fine. Talked to a councillor she said she was fine and hadn’t got a problem.
Well she has, just last week she revealed to her husband that she was drinking eighteen cans a day. Eighteen cans……no wonder she threatened to punch me on the jaw and called my other sister fat. We didn’t speak to her for a long while and refused to answer her calls this made her think.
Her husband is now cutting her down with the cans after a heart to heart telling her that the situation couldn’t go on, falling out with folk and the health issues that she will eventually have and she agreed. He has had it bad for years and she also has a young son. Hopefully she will not hide the alcohol and drink behind his back like she has done before.
Join the library Dan, it’s better than buying your books.
I’m afraid it won’t get any easier until he wants to stop.
You do need to look after yourself though. It’s hard when all we think of is them. Problem is they are not bothered about us only the cocaine.
I don’t cope very well I’m afraid.
Fourteen years happily married. Then nothing, the cocaine has taken over my life. I have no happiness anymore, just an uncaring husband that has no feelings for anyone or anything. I have come to terms with the fact that it is his choice to sniff it.
I understand now.
A form of manipulation, your fault because you were too soft. So he decided to smoke weed and snort coke. This does mess with your mind and in some cases you have no feelings for anyone or anything anymore. I am witness to this in my household.
To get money to fund his lifestyle he manipulates you into giving him money. That in turn has now given him mental health problems so in his manipulative mind its your fault that you were soft, your fault that you gave him money and your fault he has mental health problems. The docs can’t help, so you have to pay for his ‘medication’. Sorry for this, my previous relationship before my husband was with someone that was a master of manipulation that drove me mad and made me paranoid for years. I do empathise with your situation.
Hi Bev.
Can I ask you, hopefully without offending why you feel guilty for how your sons life has turned out?
I have a husband who does cocaine.