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My sister is an alcoholic. She used to tell me that her husband was abusive and controlling and thats why she would drink. I now know that it was the other way round since she started her antics with me. She is manipulative, controlling and abusive when under the influence. Luckily for us she now goes to AA and a drink hasn’t passed her lips for weeks now. We live in hope and it has been a tough time for us.
I wish you well.
My ‘husband’ used to do the same thing.
When out with me he would have a couple of drinks and drive us home safely. When out with his mates he would drive home blathered and coked up. It was very worrying at the time and he would say he felt fine. He got away with it though, the police never caught him even though the places he frequented where heavily policed.
Believe me I had to be so firm with her, but everything still seems to be going well.
My husband of fourteen years decided to up his cocaine and alcohol use to block out a court case that had been going on for years. Instead of talking to me about it he chose to lie telling me everything was ok and he was sorting everything out.
In the past he would use it rarely in social situations which were few and far between. I wouldn’t have noticed if his personality hadn’t changed so dramatically from my loving, hardworking husband to an absolute arse hole. Sniffing coke changed him. Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights he’d go to friends that partake in the dreaded stuff and not return till the following day. He would go to bed on his return for the rest of the day only getting out bed to be sick after the come down.
He would lie and say he had flu. You can’t have flu for a year. Sniffling, sicking up blood, aching bones and muscles, constant headaches, I can go on. I told him to go to the doctors as he needed to get blood tests as he couldn’t be so ill for so long. Guess who refused. Cocaine wasn’t a problem for him only me.
He continued to use after leaving me.
Friends have spoken to me since telling me of the dramatic changes they have seen in him. He tells them he is looking after me financially but he isn’t They advised me that he hadn’t been going to work. So my revelations were not a surprise. He lies all the time. Only his ‘coke friends’ accept his behaviour as normal.
It’s now post trial. I went everyday supporting him. But every night he would go back to the coke and the ‘coke friends’ I would see glimmers of my old husband and then he would disappear.
I’m now trying to cope with my income. I’m trying to run his business too whilst he is away. I get no thanks. Not that I want any, recognition would suffice. The twice a day phone calls have stopped now he has his ‘friends’ numbers.
I do love my husband but he died the day he chose the coke and alcohol. He is now a monster that I despise and have no respect for because of the constant lies and deception.
Thank you 🙂 at least they have a happy ending. You are right it can happen if you really want it and work on it.
My sister is an alcoholic. She used to drink all day, every day. Like I would drink cups of tea.
If she decided to top up the eighteen cans with whisky or worse raki that’s where the trouble would start. She was pure evil with her tongue the things she would say were so hurtful. This was to me, my other sister and her own husband. She would turn on friends too. Afterward she would have no recollection of what she had said or done and would be mortified when confronted. I have mental and physical scars.
If your other half binge drinks on occasion this could be sorted if she loves you and doesn’t want to hurt you just by cutting down, so the episodes don’t happen. Easily said though. She can only do this herself no one can help if she doesn’t want or feel the need of it.
My sister has always had a problem with alcohol.
She can drink eighteen cans a day and any extras along the way including drinking whisky out of a cup.
She drives under the influence too, has been for years and has had a few scrapes and bumps along the way. No one would know she was drunk.
She has lost friends and family have distanced themselves because of the violence and insults.
She has seen an alcohol adviser in the past after being referred to by the doctor. This adviser actually told her she hadn’t got a problem and was wasting her time. This was not helpful as this enabled her to carry on drinking.
She did give up the drink for four weeks earlier this year. Not a drink passed her lips. Then for some unknown reason she decided she wanted a drink. Went to the local shop, bought a bottle of Malibu and downed the lot before her husband returned from work. She forgot to get rid of the evidence. He looked in her bag and found the empty bottle he was devastated and felt let down.
So after years of physical and mental abuse her husband told her to leave. She had to leave behind her son, her dogs and her remaining friends, in fact her life.
This was the turning point. If her husband had left nothing would have changed, she would have still had the comforts of being at home.
She was alone and devastated by what she had done and was doing to everyone. She wanted her husband to support her but he couldn’t any more. She missed her son. Missed her dogs. Missed her life.
I told her the only way she could get her life back was to concentrate on herself. She had to get help for the drink and realise she has a problem.
I sent her to an AA meeting. After the meeting she was devastated, she couldn’t stop the tears falling. All she could say to me was ‘my names …….. I’m an alcoholic’ This was another turning point actually realising it wasn’t just a problem she was an alcoholic and not one drink could now pass her lips. Two days later I went with her to another AA open meeting. She likes this group and has continued to go every week and is doing well. She is now back home and has her life back.
If her husband had not made her leave and I had not made her go to the AA meeting we would not be where we are today.
You are not misreading the situation and you are not being unreasonable. You want the best for your wife and boy.
My sister (k) has always had a problem with drink. Hiding bottles and drinking whisky out of a cup. She was always drunk, abusive and violent toward her husband and myself.
To cut it short her husband had had enough. Told her to leave the marital home and her son. Having nothing left she turned it round with help from my sister (l) and myself. Got her to an AA meeting and she immediately knew she was an alcoholic, not someone with a drink problem but an alcoholic. She goes to one meeting a week now and gets support from there. It is working. She is back at home now and so far it is looking good.
I’m glad your mum understands Danman and supports you. You are right it’s not hard giving support, when you love someone you want to do all you can. I’m sorry that your gf can’t do this for you for whatever reason. It cannot be easy to abstain otherwise no one would be addicted in the first place.
Thanks for the advise on the key trigger, knowledge is good.
Danman, you are doing great.
Why does your gf not support you? Have you told her that you really need her to? Have you told her how it makes you feel not having her support?
Don’t be lonely Dawne, there are plenty of us on here that are affected one way or another by coke. Hopefully today has been your start to recovery.
Thanks Danman. Thought you were asleep.
I cannot fully understand addiction myself. My husband is a user of the dreaded stuff. You are not alone on here.
Dan was on earlier on asking what you are addicted to and he can advise what he is doing to get off the stuff.
What’s your trigger Alcohol?
I’m sorry about the loss of your son and daughter it’s truly heartbreaking. Looks like you both need some bereavement counselling, losing another son would be devastating. Please tell him how you are feeling. I wish you both well.
Hi Dawne, what are you doing at the moment to stop using? Have you any family and friends to support you or are you doing this on your own?