[hw12]

Thank you so much for your honesty.

I dont think he is using at the moment but i cant 100% know when he has lied before. But to be honest until I found the bags before xmas i hadnt know then whole time we had been together because i didnt know anything about drugs.

Hes never got money but nows hes saying its paying off old drug debt, not sure how thats any better tho when it could have been a holiday or a wedding.

Hes always got a runny nose but says it’s hayfever. I dont know what to believe any more.

I think im holding on to the person i fell in love with. And if hes clean now and does seem in a better state mentally i cant see him in the same light any more.

And i do feel a fool for allowing myself to put up with it all. So in a way i feel like iv allowed him to treat me in this way.

And you right about the free ride. Hes got money to pay drug debt and cocaine when he was using but doesnt consistanly put money into the home where he lives and eats.

[hw12]

Everything you are saying to me are things i could have said myself. I think the biggest thing for me is that im so angry at him for ruining what we had and we cant get that back. We were supposed to be getting married, he said when he got his tax back we were going to book our wedding. He got it back and recently told me he has paid some of a £5000 drug debt with it. Its just one thing after another. Then on the other hand he can be an amazing step dad to my 2 kids. He is the only person who has made me feel the most love but also the most hurt.

He moved into my home a year ago, but i dont rely on him financially. I could never put myself i that position with him he cant be trusted with his money. Hes got a good job when he actually goes, but never has money. He contributes once in a blue moon. I honestly dont know how i feel anymore. I cant imagine where the relationship can go, i wouldnt want a lifetime of this or to buy a house together.

[hw12]

Thanks. I have wrote letters before, because when he was in deep depression h wouldnt get out of bed and i used to write things down to let out some frustration because i dont have anyone to talk to. Its funny because 2 years ago before we met i have a handful of very good friends and was close with my 2 sister and now i dont have anyone. My family dont like him they dont think hes any good for me and cant understand why im putting myself through it all .

And you were right in what you said about feeling like your losing your mind, the reason i came looking on here in the first place is because i feel like it is me thats slowly going mad. I feel its changed me as a person, im angry and suspicious over everything he does.

[hw12]

Thank you very much for replying to me. I feel better just speaking out, iv kept all these feelings inside for a long time. I feel like one minute hes the man i want to spend the rest of my life with and the next i hate him for what hes done. I feel like iv helped him and now im the one that needs help because of it!

[hw12]

Thank you for replying.

I feel like i am at a point where i need to talk through these emotions because i have been bottling them up and its not done me any good. Its changed me as a person.

I can speak with him, but he just thinks i need to move on from this. Which i agree, but its easier said than done.

I do love him, but things are nothing like they were and he thinks that’s because of how i am being towards him. I just feel so angry that he ruined what we had and for how i was treat. I just cant seem to get over it.

[hw12]

I am also in a very similar situation. Met my partner 2 years ago, i knew he had done cocaine in the past but i thought it was in the past. We got engaged and he moved into my home.

18 months later i felt so stupid to find out he had been addicted to cocaine all along and owed £4000 to drug debt. So much sneaking about, lies, paranoia, mood swings, how he thought and spoke at that time was like a different person. A vile person. At the same time he was suffering with depression, i supported him through the lowest and darkest times. Little did i realise because I thought i was strong and just wanted to help him, he has dragged me down with him. He finally got help and isnt using but hes doesn’t help financially so basically lives supoorted by me despite working full time because of money he owes, and im now just full of anger and resentment towards him for ruining what we had.

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