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February Marie and Deb C. I just feel so much empathy when I read your stories. I’ve never been able to speak to anyone who can truly relate but the people on this site can. The support is amazing on here.
Firstly February, wow, your son is highly educated. I used to think if my son had of done this or had of done that, he wouldn’t of found drugs. One of the scenarios was if he went to university he would of been OK. Your story makes me think otherwise.
A Councillor, an ex addict, who also has adhd said she would of found her way to drugs no matter what h we scenario.
Deb c, in answer to your question, I went to the charity ‘accommodation concern’. I think they have these in many towns in UK. I enquired about there supported living scheme and luckily, after meeting my son, they accepted him. He had to be homeless to take him in though. He’s living in a house with others with certain difficulties but he does get support.
It let’s me have some space, though financially he’s still tapping me up.
One of you ladies mentioned the stress it puts on your marriage – totally agree. My son is not my husbands child, I think it must make a difference. I often wonder if my son was my husbands, would we be in this situation? That’s a whole other story. My marriage is hanging on by a thread now, holidays ruined, my young daughters exposed to horrible behaviour and drug talk. Hopefully we can try and mend things, we’ll see.
There’s no where else imI can read real stories of other people sharing similar experience to me. Where ever you are, be kind to yourself. Sleep well everyone. Let’s hope for a brighter future x
DebC. My heart went out to you when I read your post, I know these feelings too well.
I hope you don’t mind me saying but I’ve had massive help and support from accommodation concern. They have put my son on their Supported Living programme for 6 months. He has moved into one of their houses.
Its given me some space to breathe and to have time away from him and his vile behaviour. Is this something that you too could enquire about? My son gets regular visits and help by having someone to talk about mental health, addiction, budgeting, cleaning and housekeeping. It’s been 2 weeks but it’s been a big help. I just get phonecalls now and I can end the call when he insults me or is aggressive.
Its such a hard life seeing a loved one so unhappy and also being the recipient of their venom x
Eddie123 – thank you for the recommendation. Noted. Its good to know about this charity. Thank you
Thank you bump 22. Yes you’re right, I should try and put some things in the diary for me and me young daughters. K am at his neck and call. No more!!! Thank you x
Thank you bump 22 and penny m. I don’t know what support he will be getting in his supported housing. Their communication with me is non existant. They haven’t replied to my emails for some info.
I didn’t know you could block someone’s phone number temporarily. As always, your comments are so valuable and I appreciate them. We all speak of self care. I will try. Boundaries sound very important too.
My son said he has a chat with someone tomorrow at 12 noon, so fingers crossed he engages with them. Good night ladies x
I’d like to thank Theresa, Penny M, Bump 22 and February Marie. You’ve all taken time to write in support and it is really useful.
Where else could you possibly get anyone to understand the madness?! Thank you all.
Some real gems of advice. I’m going to have to read it all again. Penny M, your personality disorder thought is spot on. My son has the traits of a narc assist or oppositional defiance disorder. Bump 22, I know absolutely nothing about the supported living scheme. I’ve sorted it all in a rush. Did it help your son? If so how? The charity are not great at replying to me, I guess they are speaking to him direct. I really hope they can help him.
I saw my son yesterday and I was actually frightened. He was in a rage as he got in the car. (all because he’d lost his bank card). He said he felt like killing someone to go to prison or killing himself. He was in a rage. He smashed his TV up in frustration. I was scared.
I haven’t heard from him today which is good. I’m hoping the supported accommodation will help him today.
Love to everyone xx
Morning ladies. My son moved into supported housing last night. He’s been bombarding me with messages about how sh#t it is. Saying no Internet, he’s smashed his phone and TV in anger. I had hoped to get a break from him, that he’d leave me alone but I think he’ll try and make me feel bad from afar. I love my son but sometimes I think I hate him. His personality is vile. I gave him a lift with his TV and belongings last night and I got a barrage of abuse. He’s asking me for another lift even as I type this. Grrrrr!! I want some space from him. He will have some interventions on Monday so I hope that might help a bit.
Hope you ladies are OK and have a restful weekend with good health and peace of mind xx
Hello ladies. Some very heartfelt points of view being raised. All equally valid, we are all doing our best. Sometimes we get it wrong, we are human. I find it valuable to hear from others who have perpaps walked in my shoes, to learn from their experiences.
The reason I’m on here now is my son has been so vile today. He has made me most awful comments about me treating him like an animal and swearing at me via text because I don’t immediately answer phone when at work. To give context, I work in a school so I can’t have my mobile out. He was so furious with me, he scares me when he’s like that. My mum (his nan age 83) has been helping him, feeding him until his place is ready. She too took the brunt of his abuse. She rang me in tears saying she couldn’t cope with him anymore.
He’s back again wanting food, being more polite now. When I say you owe nan an apology for being so nasty to her he says ‘that’s how I am, I get angry at everything’ shut up talking about it, he says. I went on to say ‘you can’t be horrible to people, you can’t speak to people like that if you get a job’ he replied, I will.
I’m just wondering if others have their heart broken by their loved ones being verbally nasty – then act like nothing has happened next time you see them?
I don’t mean to blow my own trumpet but I am frequently complimented by school parents at how kind I am. I do try and help others and I do my best. So how come I can have a monster for a son who tells me to f##k off and speaks to me like absolute dirt? It’s so hurtful. It feels like I’m talking to a brick wall. What’s the point in him even looking for a job if he can’t even be civil to colleagues? He is so nasty even when people show him kindness (my mum and I particularly, we are big softies and he abuses that I think).
Sorry to vent!! X
Hello ladies. Some very heartfelt points of view being raised. All equally valid, we are all doing our best. Sometimes we get it wrong, we are human. I find it valuable to hear from others who have perpaps walked in my shoes, to learn from their experiences.
The reason I’m on here now is my son has been so vile today. He has made me most awful comments about me treating him like an animal and swearing at me via text because I don’t immediately answer phone when at work. To give context, I work in a school so I can’t have my mobile out. He was so furious with me, he scares me when he’s like that. My mum (his nan age 83) has been helping him, feeding him until his place is ready. She too took the brunt of his abuse. She rang me in tears saying she couldn’t cope with him anymore.
He’s back again wanting food, being more polite now. When I say you owe nan an apology for being so nasty to her he says ‘that’s how I am, I get angry at everything’ shut up talking about it, he says. I went on to say ‘you can’t be horrible to people, you can’t speak to people like that if you get a job’ he replied, I will.
I’m just wondering if others have their heart broken by their loved ones being verbally nasty – then act like nothing has happened next time you see them?
I don’t mean to blow my own trumpet but I am frequently complimented by school parents at how kind I am. I do try and help others and I do my best. So how come I can have a monster for a son who tells me to f##k off and speaks to me like absolute dirt? It’s so hurtful. It feels like I’m talking to a brick wall. What’s the point in him even looking for a job if he can’t even be civil to colleagues? He is so nasty even when people show him kindness (my mum and I particularly, we are big softies and he abuses that I think).
Sorry to vent!! X
Penny. Thank you so much for your message. I don’t mind you being blunt. Your words were so insightful. I’m sorry to hear about your experiences. That sounds very traumatic and hurtful. That sounds heartbreaking.
I can see he’s ill, but it could just be a virus. (He now said this is what the doctor said) . I did sit in the waiting room so I know he went in.
This morning he’s sweating and clearly ill but also being verbally aggressive. The fact he’s still got the energy to swear at me tells me he’s not ill enough for hospital.
Your advice is right, I would never tolerate such abuse from a friend. I’m finding it hard to disassociate myself from him when he’s ill and asking for help. He’s getting a house on Friday so I see that as a relief knowing he’s got somewhere safe to sleep. I keep remembering what a lovely boy he used to be.
It sounds like you have somewhat got your life back. You deserve happiness, we all do. Thank you. I will be reading your post frequently to remind me.
Hi Feb up mum!
Thank you for your message. I appreciate your comments. An xray would be good I think too. He’s very aggressive when well, I didn’t know that was a side effect of cannabis. I thought it might be part of his adhd.
He does seem a little scared. I can’t believe that even though I’ll, he still goes out to do his ‘thing’. He will have support led accommodation by next week. I’m on count down. Such mixed feelings. Thanks for your support x
Jem. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I have no idea what he told docs. Blood vomit was yesterday x 2. Vision problems today. I do wonder if he’s taking more than weed. He lies so much, I wouldn’t know for sure. There is lots of aggressive behaviour, nasty, nasty comments and no compassion what soever. Thought that was adhd tbh. I’m going to sleep now, it’s the only time I’m not worrying!! Thank you for your support x
Thank you Feb Marie. I appreciate hearing from you. Seizures sound scary. So difficult to be a bystander and see them unravel.
I just think if they saw him at the hospital they would turn him away. He’s not doubled up in pain and there is nothing physical to see (illness). I’ve given him a bed but my husband is fuming. We don’t see eye to eye regarding my son. I think a mother’s love is forever, no matter what.
Hi there. I’m wondering if any parents can shed any light on effects of addiction on health. My son (age 19, daily weed addiction) has spent last 3 days complaining of health issues. He’s been unwell. His vomit had blood in it, he’s hot and cold, stabbing pains, he has also complained of losing his vision for about 20 seconds. He’s been to the doctors today but I don’t know what was discussed.
I’m wondering if he should go to hospital but think I might be over reacting. Plus getting him to cooperate will be difficult. He is homeless, not looking after himself at all. I’ve given him a bed whilst he’s ill. I think I’d be crewel to turn him away when he’s vomiting. Despite being ill, he’s still managing to get out for his daily dose. I’ve just picked him up after he said he’s lost his vision. Not sure what to do. I wondered if you ladies witnessed the health of your loved ones deteriorate? Did they go to hospital? I know the gp today listened to his chest for an infection but that wouldn’t show up much, would it?
Sorry to babble on, I guess in summary, I’m curious if there is some typical symptoms of health neglect to look out for.
Thank you to anyone who reads this and if this sounds familiar, I’m interested to hear what you did xx
Hi there.
Interested to read your post. My son has had a very late adhd diagnosis age 19 this year. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try, he refuses the medication. It’s hard to distinguish how much of his vile behaviour is unmedicayed adhd and how much of it is cannabis addiction. (He says he only uses cannabis, daily, but I’m not sure I believe him). Can I ask how receptive your son was to taking the adhd medicine? I am desperately trying to get my son to try it, at least, but he flat refuses, and he’s nasty about it too. My son does the opposite, diliberately, of what I’d like him to.
I’ve had some councilling and a most excellent book was recommended to me. I’d strongly recommend it to anyone with an adhd child. It’s called scattered minds by gabor mate. It changed my life, and understanding of his behaviour. You should read it, for sure. It helps you to help them.
Anyway, I’m off to London for the night on a theatre break. However my son has just rang to say he’s vomiting blood so I might end up having to get train home!
Love to you all. Stay strong x