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Hi DebC.
I am so sorry to read your post. I can understand the pain and frustration you feel. It’s so horrible not knowing which way to turn next.
Is your ex husband your sons father? I wondered if he could share some of this burden with you?
With regards to your living arrangements, it sounds like you are at the mercy of your son. I’m no expert but what is your line/point where you would throw him out and stick to it?
I’ve had councilling over the same issue.
What if your son continues to get even worse, will you always take him back? I’m concerned you are not going to find any peace of mind in this current situation.
Could you ask him to leave and say you’ll call the police if he causes damage again? (It’s easy to give advice when it’s not your own child, I really feel your pain and I respect its torture).
I took so much abuse, damage and manipulation from my son but the final straw was my two young daughters feeling scared as my son smashed his bedroom up because he couldnt find his I. D. Card.
I made him homeless that day. Felt awful. I’ve just got him hooked up with accommodation concern who will help him, (if he takes the help).
I’m worried about your mental health DebC – you are allowed a life too. At the moment sounds like your son it totally ruling you, no wonder it’s driving you to despair.
My heart goes out to you. These scenarios are awful and painful to the bone. It’s like a grief that goes on, and on and on.
Sending you lots of love, good luck, keep talking and reaching out x
Hi Lindy loo. I’m not familiar with the 12 step programme. I’ll look it up. Thank you for your comments. I don’t give up but sometimes I feel like it. Like we all do I guess. I find myself envying mums who’s sons have turned out great. I long for that feeling of pride. Ah well, let’s see what the next chapter holds! Thanks again x
Hi ladies.
Sending love February Marie.
Just to echo Joanie 59’s message, this is a unique group of support.
My son, who I kicked out in May has been accepted onto the Supported Accommodation scheme with Accommodation Concern. I’m hoping he will take the support offered with the mental health workers and addition specialists. As well as learn about budgeting and basic life skills. I’m trying to be optomistic!! One day, there has to be a turning point, somehow.
I often think of my scenario as trying to throw a life saving dingy out to someone drowning at sea, but they refuse to get in it.
So, so frustrating and painful being a mum to a child with addiction.
Sending love to you all x
Hi BUMP22. After being kicked out he spent two weeks at a friend’s, then tried to rent a house (he had a job for 5 months prior) but he only lasted 2 weeks in the rented house then got evicted. Assume for drugs and untidiness. Then he moved in to some flat with “loads of other people passing through” . Still in same town as us.
He asks me for £10 every day. I feel like a fool if I give him money but then I know he can get food. He has no job now.
He said he’d rather live in a dirty squat than with us and our rules.(my only rules were no drugs and some respect).
I don’t know what it would take to get him to change but he’s not there yet. What a waste of my handsome, smart son, now looking like a gaunt tramp.
Anyway, I mustn’t rabble on!! Once I start venting on here, it’s hard to stop ????
You ladies with better news, it’s good of you to still come online and share your stories. It gives people like me hope x
That’s fantastic news Jem. I hope to be in your shoes one day. How long did it take for him to want to change? (Kicked my son out 3 months ago.) Enjoy the time talking to your son.
Thank you for your reply bump22. My gosh, it’s relentless isn’t it? . Doing all this chasing and seeking help and they don’t appreciate it. I’d love my son to be ready to change, like these other ladies are saying.
Today ivve tried to enjoy the company of my 9 year old and not worry too much about my 19 year old son.
The worry will still be there tomorrow.
Just to echo what a fellow mum said, let’s hope we have a peaceful weekend. Take care x
Your story is amazing. What a great place to be. I hope more of us can be in your shoes one day. Enjoy. ????????????
Kate1. My son is 19. We had to kick him out 3 months ago. He says he’s just taking weed but it’s taken over his whole life. He’s lost his friends, home and job due to weed. Coupled with his adhd, it’s a toxic combination. He smashes things up and speaks to others with such disrespect, its embarrassing.
Anyway, just wanted to say I’m thinking of you and I hope you find some comfort in your other family members x
Im so sorry, your story is so sad. It is very kind of you to reply to others and tell your story and give support to others.
Your news gives hope. Thank you for sharing. Hope you get better soon, sorry to hear about your leg. Great news about your son, must feel lovely to have nice conversations once again ???? enjoy this time.
Kate 1. So sad to read your post. I’ve read it twice because you describe my biggest fear.
I hope it isn’t incentive to talk about my son after what you’ve endured but I’m having a problem saying no to his request for £10 a day for food. I thought “£10 can’t hurt him” but I’ve discovered you can buy gear with £10. I’m worried I’m enabling him. I’ve kicked him out 3 months ago. Hes lost job after job after just days. Yesterday he lost a job after just 2 hours.
I’ve tried to talk to him about changing but he’s not interested. I guess my whole point of this message was to acknowledge enabling. You feel like it’s the right thing. It’s so so hard to say no and so far, I’m unable to say no.
All this is so hard. It’s a dark world that most people are oblivious to.
How are you coping Kate 1? Sending best wishes and kindness to you.
Kate 1. So sad to read your post. I’ve read it twice because you describe my biggest fear.
I hope it isn’t incentive to talk about my son after what you’ve endured but I’m having a problem saying no to his request for £10 a day for food. I thought “£10 can’t hurt him” but I’ve discovered you can buy gear with £10. I’m worried I’m enabling him. I’ve kicked him out 3 months ago. Hes lost job after job after just days. Yesterday he lost a job after just 2 hours.
I’ve tried to talk to him about changing but he’s not interested. I guess my whole point of this message was to acknowledge enabling. You feel like it’s the right thing. It’s so so hard to say no and so far, I’m unable to say no.
All this is so hard. It’s a dark world that most people are oblivious too.
How are you coping Kate 1? Sending best wishes and kindness to you.
Sjg. So sorry to read your post. As a fellow mum worried sick about their child, my heart goes out to you. My scenario is different and I don’t feel experienced enough to give advice. I’m sure you will receive love and support on this group. I send you heartfelt wishes.
Dear Theresa.
Thank you for taking time to reply to my message. Your story is helpful to read.
I also have two other young children in the house (9 & 11), this was part of the reason he had to go. They couldn’t witness his behaviour or have to smell the weed.
I feel as if I’ve chosen my daughters over my son, which feels unnatural and tormenting but I tried so, so hard to give him chance after chance, opportunity after opportunity. I had no choice as we were all at breaking point as a family. You’re right, the ripples of his behaviour have ongoing effects.
This is a Wierd thing to say but I’ve just got home from watching ‘Elvis’ at the movies with my husband. He loved his mum so much, he respected her, wanted to help her and was a devoted son. I found myself reflecting on my son, he literally doesn’t care if I’m dead or alive. I’d do anything for my son. It nearly cost me my marriage but when he smashed his room up in front of his little sisters, and we were frightened, I knew that was it.
He doesn’t want my help, support, food, company. It feels so unnatural, painful, gut wrenching.
Theresa, your story gives me some hope. If my son was clean and working that would be a big improvement. May I ask about the homeless charities you spoke to. Was that through your local council? Thank you. It’s such a hard scenario, I can’t believe this is happening to other people too. It’s a living hell. I’m sorry to hear you feel judged by other mums. I work in a school so I try and keep it secret yet I want to shout about how desperately unfair and hurtful it is. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Theresa, I hope your son sees that what you did was out of love. I hope one day he can be in your life again. Thank you for sharing your story with me.
To all the worried mums thinking of their sons.
I am new to this group. I thought I was alone until I read this thread. We had to ask my 19 year old son to leave after his behaviour was too intolerable. His addiction took over. Its all he wants. Nothing else matters to him. Last time I saw him he had a broken nose and two black eyes. My heart is broken, shattered. I feel grief, a sadness and pain I carry around with me. Has anyone got a success story to share?
My happy ending would be my son asking for support, he comes home, gets over his addiction, gets therapy for his adhd, he finds happiness, a job, friends and I get my son back in my life. I’d do anything to make this happen. Do things turn out well for some? I’d love to hear some positivity to give me strength. Love to you all, best wishes x
To all the worried mums thinking of their sons.
I am new to this group. I thought I was alone until I read this thread. We had to ask my 19 year old son to leave after his behaviour was too intolerable. His addiction took over. Its all he wants. Nothing else matters to him. Last time I saw him he had a broken nose and two black eyes. My heart is broken, shattered. I feel grief, a sadness and pain I carry around with me. Has anyone got a success story to share?
My happy ending would be my son asking for support, he comes home, gets over his addiction, gets therapy for his adhd, he finds happiness, a job, friends and I get my son back in my life. I’d do anything to make this happen. Do things turn out well for some? I’d love to hear some positivity to give me strength. Love to you all, best wishes x