[ivy]

Hello everyone,

I wanted to give you an update on my son. The past three months have been the worst of times. He is in a really bad way now. My son has suffered so much. All I know at this point is that he was found on the ground by a stranger, I think. Naloxone was administered and he was taken to hospital.

He is in the ICU unit after emergency surgery: a craniectomy. It’s touch and go, but his prognosis isn’t good. I am lying awake at home terrified in case my phone rings and it really is that terrible call we are one way or another all waiting for. No one is able to tell me how he acquired the initial head injury. He may have overdosed and fallen badly. He may have been assaulted again by a dealer. I just don’t know. I haven’t slept and it’s 6am. I’m struggling to move to go shower and get myself back to the hospital. I’m petrified and nauseous. My bravery and strength is gone. I’m numb. My beautiful son is lying in a hospital bed , with half his skull implanted in his stomach and I just don’t know what to do. Nothing will ever be the same again . Not for him or for me.

I know some of you think and pray for my son and I thought you would want to know.

Ivy

[ivy]

Dear Kate,

I think about you often. I’m not religious, probably more spiritual, although I do feel that through hearing of your tragedy and grief while sitting quietly, contemplating how unfair and difficult life can be at times; God visited me to tell me everything will be okay and peace will come. Your son is at peace now. Keeping busy or whatever it takes to get through this next step is to be commended. You did everything you could. I’m sorry I can’t offer an allegory or more comforting words . My own heart is broken too and although I am estranged from my own son, I live in hope. I’m sorry if this message sounds wrong, I always did struggle trying to find the right thing to say. I hope my response isn’t too clumsy and that you understand that my heart is with you at this time. This group of people are wonderful, everyone here will support you. I do not know what I would be like without the support I have received here. We are all here for you and each other. Please stay in touch. We care

Love

Ivy x

❤️

[ivy]

Kate, I am so sorry for your loss. I have no words. My thoughts are with you at this time.

Love

Ivy x

[ivy]

That is a lovely thought. I suppose all I can do is take things one day at a time. I’m hoping, sometime soon in the future, when I build up my strength that I find a way where our voices will be heard and changes will be made. Maybe one day we will all get the chance to sit with each other. You really are a gem, JEM x

[ivy]

Thanks Jem , I’m shedding a wee tear right now. Knowing there are others going through this makes me feel less alone. Lets me see people do care. I’m going to make a cup of tea and go back to bed x

[ivy]

Thank you for your kind words Kate. I can relate and empathise.

❤️

[ivy]

Hello everyone,

My son hurled himself through the first floor window of his homeless hostel two weeks ago. The police arrived before the ambulance. After he was discharged from hospital ; using crutches and with deep , visible lacerations he was moved into a ground floor room of a different homeless hostel two miles out from the city centre – for his safety. He was last seen begging outside in this terrible condition.

I spoke to his “ support worker “ who said “ If it was up to me I would give them ( addicts ) ECT”

One of the medical personal involved with his treatment at the hospital said “hopefully he won’t make it and then he will be out of his situation” – not realising I was his mother. ( I work in a hospital )

The people who are paid to help and support don’t want to. I’m not saying they don’t care, seems like they have stopped caring.

Could they have become as jaded as I am?

My predicament is that I can no longer bear to see my son right now. His pain hurts me too much. I don’t take drugs or use alcohol and prescription drugs have only made me more anxious and do not help with the panic attacks, so I stopped taking those years ago.

I was in the supermarket yesterday , a visual of my son came into my head and I collapsed. No warning. Down I went. My glasses landed about 10 feet away, the contents of my bag scattered all over the shop floor. Within seconds I was surrounded, people even had their phones out filming my distress. The shop staff did a little check on me. I left , shocked , embarrassed , in one piece.

I’m not OK. I have no strength. Another wasted day in bed.

I’m so sorry this is happening to all of our children and to us.

Yet: The dealers keep dealing.

Thank you all for sharing your stories here.

Love Ivy x

[ivy]

Thanks Lindyloo,

Hope you and Bump feel better soon.

Ivy x

[ivy]

Thanks Jem,

It was one of those nights when he went walk about in the wee small hours with a sleeping bag.

I agree with the ADHD, I know my son started out with some sort of mental health issue way back even before his father passed, but we couldn’t get him to engage with Drs, authorities etc even then. I do believe he too started self medicating; alcohol to begin with.

Still, today is a good day.

Ivy x

[ivy]

Thanks bump, yes it was your good self who mentioned the CBT –

Yup, today was a bit more positive, some how the smallest glimmer of hope reinstates a powerful amount of energy even if only for a few hours it’s enough to make a small change .

Having to spend so much time in a hat, mask and visor in work I really didn’t notice how far I’ve let myself go!

Small steps.

Thinking of you and your son

????

Ivy x

[ivy]

Hello everyone and welcome to you nanny ger.

I have some good news. My son has a room in a place in town which is run by a charity.

He seems to like it and hasn’t been sleeping outdoors for almost a week now. I can only hope he stays safe there and not panic and go back to sleeping outside. He did leave the premises one night with a sleeping bag. He was spotted by one of the ladies who works there and the police found him and persuaded him to go back. The police phoned me to let me know my son is now recognised as a vulnerable adult. I’m not sure if this will make a difference to his situation, but it’s a relief to know that someone is looking out for him.

I met him today for a coffee although he couldn’t hang out for long as he was chasing a fix to stop the rattle, however he looked much better than he has in a while. Still awfully dirty as he is reluctant to shower, but I was absolutely made up as he had seen a nurse who visits the establishment and she had arranged for him to see a dentist who scaled and polished his teeth!

We didn’t talk much and he wouldn’t discuss rehab or anything much about his lifestyle.

It’s a lovely sunny day here and I decided to walk home. I caught site of my reflection in a shop window and I got a real fright, because I look a real fright. I barely recognised myself.

I’m home now with a box of hair colour, I’m going to do my roots, blow my hair in and try to construct a healthier eating plan for myself. Small steps and all that.

Bump, I did some of the course you recommended by FutureLearn. Thank you. I will try and get some CBT for myself, even though there seems to be a huge waiting. The councillor I am supposed to be having sessions with is off sick, so no help in that department for me right now. No replacement, and I waited 10 weeks to be appointed someone in the first instance. Perhaps my story pushed her over the edge?

Once again, thank you to all the people on this thread. Knowing I am not alone is half the battle.

Stay strong everyone

Love

Ivy x

[ivy]

Hi Cheekygirl,

I’m in a different boat on another ocean.

There are many people drinking too much in these uncertain times. Difference is, you have recognised that you have a problem. Get in touch with your GP, be brave and tell them what you have said here. They will point you in the right direction, arrange a councillor for you and give you advice.

Maybe you could try one of the online AA meetings?

Hopefully others with similar experiences to what you are going through will post here to offer support.

Take care

Ivy x

[ivy]

Yes, his dad dying had a lot to do with his downward spiral of addiction. He has no uncles on his dads side. Over the years my father, the parents of his school friends his ex girlfriends dad , male tutors and professionals have tried to help. He even went to live with his step brother in France for a time. It was mostly alcohol, MDMA and coke back then.

It’s taken twelve years for him to get to this stage. He has been using heroin for about three years. The decline is rapid once someone starts using that stuff. He also injects cocaine when he can afford to.

Unfortunately I do have a lot of knowledge now about drugs, addiction and society. The dealers should be stopped. Drugs are supposed to be illegal, but look at us all here and our poor children, husbands, wives and partners. . Lives ruined all over the place, but the dealers? Well, they are just fine dealing away, and I’m not just talking about the ones with big houses and fancy cars. There are dealers in every street all over the UK now. Also, if they do get caught and do a short stint in prison, well they just continue to deal in there.

No one can really stop them. If you try, they use violence. The police, ( not all police ) so many stories to tell of their corruption. Yet, the dealers keep dealing. I mean there is a lockdown on, yet there are more drugs available now than ever. Demand is higher. It would be easy to stop all the heroin coming in from Afghanistan etc, but no. The police turn a blind eye while they hand out fines to the people who buy a bag for ‘recreational use’ as they like to call it.

Many young people experiment with drugs, only some become addicted, but to the dealers it’s more than just making money. It’s about power and violence. Anyhoo I could write a book after more than a decade of trying to find a solution.

I won’t ever give up. As soon as I am able to retire I will make it my full time occupation to protest against a system that doesn’t favour the addicts, and allows the dealers to openly ply their evil trade. I would do this just now if possible but I’d lose my job!

In the meantime I will just have to contend myself with raising money for some of the many amazing homeless charities, and practical hands on activities with the street team when time permits.

Ivy x

[ivy]

Hello Jenny,

Thank you for your words. My son and I have been through all of those stages. He didn’t start out as a heroin user.

He currently lives on the streets. Under bridges, car parks, sometimes other random addicts take him home, occasionally a hostel or prison cell.

He has seen numerous Doctors and has tried Subutex a few times. There is no specialist help available. Well none I can find. His father died suddenly of cancer 12 years ago, I’ve been on my own with him ever since.

I bought him a flat in between my own house and my mothers house. We checked in on him every day for two years. The dealers took over and he got worse. He moved in with my mum for a year and we tried to get him to the chemist every day. Dealers on the prowl . I’ve been trying to get him off of drugs for years, nothing has worked. Our story is on a thread somewhere, doesn’t make for light reading!

Thank you so much for your thoughts and concern Jenny…

I’ll take that hug thanks!

Ivy x

[ivy]

Hello Bump,

Thank you so much for your kind words, and you too Lindyloo. I just had a wee cry there and I feel so much better for it, you know; makes me feel human or just feel something in amongst the foggy numbness.

I do have a councillor and he is a great help thanks. I tried for some CBT through the NHS, but there is a long waiting list. I’ll try them again as a few folk have suggested this.

I’m still struggling with friends and family. I won’t go into that right now, but if anyone reaches out to me, maybe in the better weather or when restrictions are lifted then I’ll gladly respond though I’m not holding my breath.

I wish you both a speedy recovery from the long Covid. Even when you begin to feel better, slow down! Damn virus aftermath has a way of sneaking back up on you. Rest, patience and time.

???? Ivy x

[Author]

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