Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
I couldn’t agree with Michelle more!
I come from a family of addicts, which should have been a warning to me but it wasn’t (maybe its just in the genes), and I also have had family members overdose from drugs and alcohol addictions, commit suicide from gambling debts and I have seen the misery and destruction that is left in the wake of a family member committing suicide, similar to Michelle iv seen family members in and out of prison and even had two family members not long after their mother committed suicide were jailed for murder, I can assure you this wouldn’t have happened if their mother was still around!
I too have spent thousands and thousands over the years on cocaine and when I stopped to think about exactly how much its eye watering! But you can always make more money so dont fixate on that.
You say that your increased use has come as a result of family problems and you’ve got a wife who stuck beside and people who love you! Imagine the impact and family problems you will cause those around you by doing such a thing!
Focus on what you are trying to numb! Sit with that feeling and work through that grief! Drugs to not make those things disappear they just make you forget for a while! If you truly want peace in your life then you have to work through these problems! Having been in and out of counselling myself for around 4/5 years I cant tell you how much of an impact a good counsellor can have!
Assuming you havent tried counselling before it will go something like this:
First few sessions your thinking – What on earth am I doing here! Wont open up to much, cant wait to get out (counsellors have seen this all before and will see straight through it)
Later sessions – you will start to really look at things with a new perspective and start to uncover thoughts and feelings you have just pushed away, things you didn’t even realise were having such a huge impact on your life decisions! Once you get here then the real work starts!
Dont give up! You can beat this, you just have to be willing to put in the hard work! So just ask yourself are you ready and willing to put in that work for you wife, my gut feeling says you are ready to put the work in mate!
Im hope my words provide you with some help!
It definitely sounds like alcohol is the problem here, believe me this is the same for almost every person I know who does coke, its such a huge trigger (probably the biggest). Alcohol and coke just seem to go hand in hand! For me, the second I planned to have a drink the thoughts started creeping in my mind ‘how long until someone will whip out a bag or call a dealer’ and from there is was inevitable what would happen.
Going to the gym isn’t the only past time, one thing when I started counselling, the counsellor asked me: ‘So what do you do that makes you happy?’ What do you do that you enjoy? – Such as simple question actually made me quite sad!
When I started to reflect on my life as it was there was nothing! I have a beautiful family who make me happy but nothing that was just for me that could bring me joy, drinking and drugs with ‘friends’, that was my past-time and I just thought to myself how did I get this far, how did I lose my way this much that drink and drugs such a big part of my life!
So please dont beat yourself up! You are not a bad person and you are definitely not alone, being able to admit that problem to yourself is a huge step and reaching out to people here is also a big step even if you dont recognise that just yet.
I often feel in many instances this is one of the reasons people find drugs so addictive, there is nothing else in life that fulfils them! Now I could be way off the mark here – but ask yourself the same question!
Do you have something in your life that is just for you or something that just really makes you happy?
If not then it might be time to do a little soul searching and think back through your life about something you loved doing but dont do anymore and then go and do it!
And if this does sound like it could be the same for you! Let me know what that thing is! I always loved the arts, so sometimes ill visit a gallery (most of the time they’re free and it gets me out of the house and gives me time alone to reflect) Never be too busy to make time for yourself!
Hi Mate,
Im going to post what I posted to another user so here goes:
I wasted so many years and so much money on the drug it pains me still to think about it! Guessing from you username your born in 91 so not that much younger than me! Im also guessing you grew up in similar environment where cocaine was just the norm and everyone was using! After a while the two go hand in hand and thats when it got really dangerous from my experience, it can quickly escalate. I assume 90% of addicts start as social users and cocaine has the ability though to take a hold of you where you feel like you absolutely must have it (sounds like you are getting there!) Simply going for beers is pointless if there isn’t a bit of powder around. My work required me to attend events and functions quite often where having a drink was normal and as a result I always had drugs on me, I didn’t feel this transition coming on from social users to addict so do not be disillusioned how dangerous and quickly you can go down this slippery slope. I am by all rights a very succesfull and level headed individual and fortunately I still am so this can happen to anyone, please dont think you are immune to becoming totally dependent on the stuff, if you dont realise the severity of how badly this can go you wont get off it and you will continue down the same road – I know this because I classed myself as a social users until my bank accounts were drained and I started missing payments on rent and bills.
Here are a few things I try to do:
1. Come here and talk to people (just like this) speaking about it and sharing your story/feelings is a great way to help yourself and others.
2. Get rid of the phone numbers, not sure where you get your stuff from but if its a local dealer call your provider and block that number or delete it or do what you need to do.
3. Hard one – but necessary cut out the mates who use it, some people can take drugs casually and have a great time, some dont want help and that also fine, but if you think you have a problem you probably do and therefore you need to make some tough decisions! You dont need to tel everyone about your problem and thats why you are cutting them off, suggest other activities away from the bars/pubs. Take a road trip or do something else, plan for a holiday with money you will save coming of the coke you will be able to afford it.
4. Make a schedule and stay busy! Idle hands are the devil’s workshop! Keep yourself busy, go to the gym, plan ahead activities ahead of time.
5. Lastly I remind myself of what im actually like when im on it! You think your gods gift, funny, chatty, life and soul but the reality is usually stark contrast you just cant see it as your off you face! We have all seen mates on it and beg them to slow down or knock it on the head (yeah thats also you, you just dont realise it)
Wont be easy mate but you can do this! You are not the first person to get carried away with cocaine and you will not be the last, the UK right now is flooded with the stuff and its becoming normalised which is one of the hardest parts! Just remember blowing all your spare cash on coke is not normal mate no matter how many of your mates are doing it.
All the best
Hi Mate,
Im new to the forum but can totally resonate with your story!
You sound like a situation I was in several years ago and ill tell you the biggest problem I faced! I started making more and more money, which meant I was doing more and more drugs, this is not a position you want to find yourself in trust me. I wasted so many years and so much money on the drug it pains me still to think about it!
Here are a few things I try to do:
1. Come here and talk to people (just like this) speaking about it and sharing your story/feelings is a great way to help yourself and others.
2. Get rid of the phone numbers, not sure where you get your stuff from but if its a local dealer call your provider and block that number or delete it or do what you need to do.
3. Hard one – but necessary cut out the mates who use it, some people can take drugs casually and have a great time, some dont want help and that also fine, but if you think you have a problem you probably do and therefore you need to make some tough decisions! You dont need to tel everyone about your problem and thats why you are cutting them off, suggest other activities away from the bars/pubs. Take the kids out for the day or take a road trip! With money saved you will be able to afford it.
4. Make a schedule and stay busy! Idle hands are the devil’s workshop! If you have lots of spare time a great way to fill that space is going out getting a bag and getting up to no good! Keep yourself busy, go to the gym, plan ahead activities with the fiance and kids! They will absolutely love you for it!
5. Lastly I remind myself of what im actually like when im on it! You think your gods gift, funny, chatty, life and soul but the reality is usually stark contrast you just cant see it as your off you face! We have all seen mates on it and beg them to slow down or knock it on the head (yeah thats also you, you just dont realise it)
And finally this really resonated with me imagine your family and children on one side of a scale and the addiction on the other. Decide now which is more important! This image sticks in my mind every time I think about relapsing and I envisage my wife and kids high up in the air on this scale whilst the drugs are down in the gutter.
Wont be easy mate but you can do this! You are not the first person to get carried away with cocaine and you will not be the last, the UK right now is flooded with the stuff and its becoming normalised which is one of the hardest parts! Just remember blowing all your spare cash on coke is not normal mate no matter how many of your mates are doing it.
All the best
Im sorry to hear about your story, in this instance would like to say I ‘was’ the husband but I am in a similar situation and still working through my addictions.
I think first of all this type of addiction can go on for many many years unnoticed and unchecked, I think you have to give your husband some credit for coming clean about the whole situation. As Stillhopeful says, addicts can be great liars and very selfish so for him to confide in you and come clean is a huge step!
It will not be an easy road and there will most likely be slips along the way! in the vast majority of cases addiction can be linked to past trauma. There could be an underlying issue here that you husband has not disclosed to you! I myself was sexually abused and silenced as a child and as a result of the abuse went on to grow up as a very timid, shy and introverted person (I was very loud and out going prior). When I found cocaine and alcohol (as crazy as it might sound) I felt like for the first time I found my voice and it was an amazing feeling, it was like the drugs allow me to be the person I was supposed to be! Freeing me from the years of hurt and bottled up shame and guilt!
Cases of abuse are so prevalent that its difficult to comprehend the scale of this issue, now Im not saying your husband was abused, but there could be a variety of reasons that have caused him to go down this path, happy people do not self medicate in this way!
Try to be there for him and hopefully he can open up to you about exactly how he is feeling! Recognising feelings and triggers and learning how to cope with them will be the key to beating an addiction, again as Stillhopeful says if he is saying he is fine and its under control, for me from my own experience this is a huge red flag, as an addict in early recovery there will be countless times when the cravings are overwhelming and times when he may try to assess if he can get away with doing drugs without you noticing, these are the times he needs to talk to you and these are times you need to be there in a non judgemental way! Addictions do not just disappear overnight so these feelings will be totally normal try to embrace them with him and let him know its normal to still crave the drug, but its not ok to use!
One thing someone said to me that resonated with me quite strongly was:
Imagine your family and children on one side of a scale and the addiction on the other. Decide now which is more important! This imagine sticks in my mind every time I think about relapsing and I envisage my wife and kids high up in the air on this scale whilst the drugs are down in the gutter.
I wish you both all the best on the long journey ahead!
Hi Michelle,
Im new to this forum and just signed up today! And while i dont know much about the forum one thing I do know a fair bit about is cocaine and alcohol.
I know its so cliche about its starts with a bit on the weekend and can escalate but it sounds like you are in that situation, using in times who swore you never would i.e ‘in the house’, carrying on and not knowing when to stop, finding it impossible to say no once you are a few drinks in.
I can tell you from first hand experience that it can creep into your life so fast that you dont even have to time to recognise the issue, as Dan says the best way is to really just cut those people out and even maybe cut the drink out for a while, focus on your relationship with your family. Take the £40 and go for a nice family meal, you can buy a voucher of Groupon for that price and have some quality family time!
Cocaine is a drug that really steals that time away and makes people very selfish! When you are using it you dont think of the consequences and very little else apart from the next line! It sounds like you know where your priorities should lie but once your having a drink in a social setting those lines get a little blurred.
It might even be a good idea to speak to these friends about how you feel, you never know they may feel exactly the same way!
Wish you all the best! You have a family and partner which is more than some! Be there for eachother and enjoy eachother you dont need that stuff in your life!