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After reading these posts it was like I had wrote it myself. I was seeing a man who when I met him just over 18 months was battling an addiction with alcohol. I knew this when I met him and he said numerous times how he wanted to change etc, and have a better life. About 6 months into the relationship he admitted that not only did he have an issue with alcohol, he also smoked crack but it was only as and when and he did not see this as a problem. I was gutted and told him that I did not want anyone who took drugs in my life. It’s up to him what he does but I don’t want to date a drug addict. He assured me that he would stop and would go 6 weeks and then the lies, deceit and not answering his phone etc started all over again.
It made me so anxious, thinking I was going crazy, playing the detective, trying to catch him out etc. My head was all over the place and I told lies myself to cover up for him to my family.
Since I met him, he has never worked and always had an excuse as to why he can’t find a job. Anyway I gave him so many chances and he promised he would get help and stop etc. Even said he would go to NA and AA but then as the time came to go, he could stop by himself.
In May 2023 we should have been going on holiday but 3 weeks before he smoked crack so I threw him out and went on holiday without him. He kept ringing me and texting me saying he was homeless and he had stopped smoking crack and drinking. The drinking bit was partly true but the smoking crack was a complete lie. I let him stay in my house when I went on holiday so he could find somewhere to go but he smoked crack every day and even sold his gold chain I brought him.
He moved into the YMCA when I got back but every so often he calls or texts me and it starts all over again. I even let him stay here when he had an operation of his eye and he lied and went out and got crack.
I have ended the relationship with him but feel so guilty and sad about him being on his own and struggling etc so the last week I have called him and he said he had been ill in bed for days and realised what he had lost and he was in a bad place. I was worried about him and today I called him and he said he was in bed and had the flu, he had missed his GP appointment so I spent time rebooking it and then called him to let him know when it was and he said he was sitting on the bench near where he lives but he felt so ill he was going home to bed.
I then find out that he has got the bus and withdrawn £180 out!
I have now blocked him. I need to stay strong but I feel racked with guilt for turning my back on him. I know I can’t have him in my life as the lies, deceit and then the staying in bed all day and mood swings isn’t good for my mental health. He was also very charming and made dinner etc and did jobs in the house but to be honest alot of the time it was when he was under the influence of crack and felt guilty for lying
Why do we let them do this to us
Hi Tattoogirl
I’m sorry you are going through this. I can relate to this, my ex was a drinker when we met & then 7 months into the relationship he told me he also smoked crack. I’ve had sleepless nights, can’t eat, depressed & anxious. 2 months ago I threw him out. We still remained friends & I told him if he got clean & off the drink I would consider giving him one last chance.
He went to.live in a ymca, supposedly changing & getting himself sorted. He’s done nothing to change, lies, is moody when he’s coming off the crack. He always turns the blame onto me, why he drinks & does drugs.
I’ve now cut all ties with him. It’s hard & I feel sad & really low but in my heart I know I’ve done the right thing. You need to think about yourself & well being. Please stay strong & you will get through this
Please let him go. I’m in a similar situation, been with my ex just over a year, it’s made me ill. The lies, deceit, bullshit & promises are never ending. I’ve kicked him out & he’s now in a ymca. I’ve been so strong but on Friday he sent me a bouquet of flowers & asked to take me out for dinner as he’s now stopped smoking crack, so like an idiot I fall for it only to find out he smoked crack the day before & on the day we went for dinner. When I challenged him he turns the tables saying I’m nasty, im ungrateful & he’s telling the truth. The sad thing is they believe their own bulllshit & lies. For your own sanity & health get out while you can