Hey Nala,
Sorry to hear about your situation too! You’re the first person i’ve come across who has related to the secrecy aspect of my situation. The biggest thing that I remember thinking when I found out about my mum was ‘how the hell did I not put 2 and 2 together before now!?’. All my childhood she was distant, used to say weird things, excluded herself from family occasions or at worst she would say really mean things to other people, my sisters or me. I always just thought she was strange, or blamed her behavior on her painkillers she was taking for her back. Truth is, I don’t know what her real ailments were as I grew up. I now look back and think that any time she was poorly she was very possibly just drunk.
My dad has known all these years but chose to not tell me or my sisters out of loyalty to my mum apparently. Now we all know it still has to remain a secret from the rest of my family and my parents are completely unable to accept that my mum’s addiction has had any impact on us at all. They simply think that because we didn’t know until a few years ago, that we can’t have been affected. Makes me so frustrated. I love them both but they make it very hard to have any kind of relationship now.
Anyway, hope you don’t mind me waffling on…