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Hello,
I was going to post as well today, I am constantly thinking about the people on this forum, and hoping and praying that things are improving.
Lindyloo – really please that your son is doing well, 6 weeks is a big one, I have a lot of respect for your son, in hanging on to his job while dealing with this.
Debc – I know that fear of recognising subtle signs and not really knowing, I think that probably hangs around for years. You’ve been really supportive and it sounds like its paying off.
Jenny, Bump and Ivy – I hope that life is peaceful at the moment.
My son has done 95 days, I count the days I know that’s probably a bit sad. Its not straight-forward, there are plenty of bumps in the road, but it’s a million times better than this time last year.
Jaynhissay – I hope that life is good, reading your posts helped me to understand my son a little better – thank you.
Lindyloo – your son is doing really well and he has managed to hold down a job despite his problems, that can’t have been easy. I hope you have a good weekend x
Bump22 – your boy will get there. I don’t know many parents who would do the things that you’ve done to try and protect him from himself. I’m sure he knows that he’s very loved and has a life to go back to. Sleep well x
Hi Trixi,
Your story is really sad and it sounds like you’ve been very supportive. I would go with your gut instinct on this, somewhere within you’ll know the answer, I don’t think anyone else can tell you when to cut ties. The only thing I would say is move on slowly, it’s easy to think that you need someone else and that time isn’t on your side but you’re still young. You’ve got loads of time.
Hi,
I hope that things are calm-ish tonight for all of us.
Bump – i hope that your son stays home tonight and that you and your husband can have a break from the drama.
Jenny – I’m sorry that your son had a brush with the police but he does sound like he’s starting to see the light.
Lindyloo, things sound really good with your son. It’s still scary though, I wonder if that ever goes away.
My son is about 81 days clean from heroin and he and I went away for a few days (we are not in lockdown). It was really nice and we just walked and talked and ate takeaway. This time last year we were barely in contact. He lived miles away and I had a nagging fear that he was using again. I went looking for him, and found him living in squalor and he just told me to leave. It was such a horrible time, and took months to get to see him again. The fear of going back there never goes away but I think that he can see a future for himself now. He has had loads of false starts, it’s hard to deal with, that relapse and doing stupid things is all part of recovery. Tonight I’m opening the Prosecco and chocolate and trying not to think about it.
Thanks again for being there, I really hope that things are okay xxx
Hi Bump, I’m really sorry to hear that your son is struggling at the moment. I can totally relate to how you are feeling, I don’t think there is anything harder than watching our children messing up their lives like this. It’s so easy to say but try and focus on the family members that you have at home. I really believe your son will come around. He’s shown that he can stop if he wants to. Looking back over the last few years with my son, I realise now that I was wasting my time until he was ready to hand over his bank card and seek real help. It’s hard but try and keep in mind that at the moment his behaviour is the fallout from addiction and not who he really is. He’s not a bad person, he’s just firmly in the grip of what really is a mental health condition and only he can fight it. You have to protect yourself so that you can help when it’s going to make a difference. Have you ever spoken to Drugfam? They have people that you can talk to, they are volunteers, the majority of them have been where you are now. I found them really helpful when I first found out about my son’s drug problem and also a few months ago when he relapsed. You will get through this but please get all of the help you can. You sound like a brilliant mum and underneath all of your son’s anger, I’m sure he knows this xxx
Jenny – That’s wonderful Jenny, it sounds like he’s going in the right direction. Its great when you can enjoy a day out and they are like their old selves. I really hope that he keeps going in the right direction.
Thanks Jaynhissay for your encouraging words. He is 59 days clean of heroin today, but I don’t take anything for granted because we have been here before, but this time feels very different, its like he is doing it for himself this time not just because he feels he should.
Something is working, my son got his UC and transferred it straight to my account 🙂
Lindyloo – thinking about your son with payday coming up xxx
Wow Bump that’s wonderful, I really hope he gets somewhere decent to stay and starts to look at life differently.
It’s great you are going away, I hope the weather improves it’s horrible here at the moment xxxx
Ivy, I read your story it’s heartbreaking. There is no punishment bad enough for the people who peddle this misery. It must have been lovely in lockdown to know that your son had a safe place to stay, and to see him looking well must have been so good. It’s so sad that they kicked them all out again and everything went back to normal. My son was on heroin and your experience fills me with fear, it’s so hard to break free from opiates, and there seems to be an element of timing and luck involved in them seeing the light. I feel so sad for you, you bought your son up without help and should have him helping you now. The stories on this site are heartbreaking. But I feel so lucky to have this support here. I have friends who know about my son’s problems, some are really lovely but some never even ask how he is like he’s a non-person. I hope you have good people to support you, no one should go through this alone. You will find the most lovely people on this thread.
Honestly if you’d seen our recycling the last couple of weeks of August, son trying to use alcohol to help in tapering off heroin and us just getting to the evening and rewarding ourselves with a bottle of wine just for surviving the day. It must have looked very bad to the bin men.
I’d stick to gin the bottles are easier to hide in the recycling 🙂
Hi Bump,
Your day sounds awful, and I’m not sure that counts as a rant 🙂
I think we’ve probably all wished our kids would get sick enough to be admitted to hospital so that maybe they get sober enough to start to make some good decisions.
Hopefully he will completely run out of cash to buy drink/drugs and that may be a point where he sobers up enough to think about what he is doing. Also, I’m sure as the weather gets colder he will think twice about being okay with being on the streets. Please look after yourself and your family, try and take a breath and regroup. I hope that you don’t get a knock on the door tonight xxx
Bump22: I am so sorry to hear all of this, I know that your son mixing with the people he has chosen to hangout with must be really frightening. The fact that his old friends still care about him and go looking for him says a lot about who he really is. You’ve tried so hard to help him, and I really believe that when they are like this they are taking it on board but just not able to face up to the enormity of the fight to get clean. Whatever he might be saying he knows how much you love him. Please look after yourself and your family, you need to still be there when he does start listening – which I think is what Jayhissay said in one of her messages. From what I have been told by addiction workers, most people do get clean some just take longer than others. Things feel hopeless right now but he has a strong family who will support him.
I hope you do go away at the weekend with your younger child – just being in a different space will be good for your head. Praying for you xxx
Hi,
Sorry if this is a bit random, I’m working from home, doing very boring stuff and thought about this little group and how we’ve come together through such sad and horrible circumstances. Thank you for being there.
Lindyloo: I know you will be worrying about pay-day. I hope that he is back in control of his head a little bit and is able to deal with having some cash.
Bump: Thinking about you, I hope that your son is not sleeping rough and has managed to get a place to stay, so that you and your family can have some peace and sleep at night.
Jenny: I hope that your son is doing better, I think you said that he had a job interview, I hope that worked out.
Debc: I hope things are continuing in the right direction for your son, it sounds like he is doing really well.
Jayhissay: – I hope you are having a good week, its lovely that you are here with us.
My son is happier, smoking less weed and currently not craving heroin – I am not complacent but so grateful for days like these 🙂