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Debc: That must be wonderful to be taken out for lunch by your son. It’s hard to just enjoy it for what it is, when you’ve been through so much. I think it’s probably going to take a long time to feel safe. I try to focus on the here and now but it’s hard not to let your mind race to the ‘what if.’ It’s really good that he’s doing so well and talking to you x
In awe of the kindness and support here, it’s been a massive support for me. I’ve told my son that a snall group of mums support each other online (but not where), and he had been asking about Bump’s son. I think he has realised the hurt that family go through. Jayhissay it’s so kind of you to care about what happens here. Bump I really hope that your son will listen.
Lindyloo: That’s really good news about your son, he sounds very serious about getting clean. Brilliant that he still has his job, if he can keep going it’s so much better to have some structure.
I know payday is a big trigger, fingers crossed that he gets past it. I think it’s brilliant that he’s going to meetings and has support from people who have been there and can speak from experience.
It’s good for us all to hear something so positive xxx
Bump22 – I’m so relieved for you that your son has turned up. That must have been a horrible experience for him. When my son disappeared at the end of August he was psychotic and I wonder if I could have got him sectioned which may have got him on a treatment path. Maybe it’s possible to argue that your son is a danger to himself, I think you said that he is a regular at a&e because of od-ing . You’d have to know exactly where he is to do this.
There seems to be no option in the uk to keep people safe while you wait for them to come to their senses.
Thanks Lindyloo,
I had a call late yesterday from the hospital to pick Mum up. She has a mild water infection. I came back with her and stayed over. She is up and about today and seems loads better. I hope that things are calm in your household, how is your son doing? I know our lives are about good days and bad days but hopefully he’s going in the right direction xxx
Bump: Thought about you in the night, really hoping that you hear from your son today xxx
Bump – that’s wonderful that a security chap has seen him so recently. I know that you are worried that he doesn’t have a phone now, and I have been through that a few times with my son. He didn’t remember phone no’s but he could usually blag someone to log into his gmail account. I know how worried you are but I’m sure he’ll still be able to reach you.
There may be people providing free food to the homeless who may have seen your son. Here is a link that lists locations and contact details. Hopefully by morning he will have turned up, but if not you may be able to speak to people who can help.
We are all hoping and praying for you, this could been anyone of us.
Bump: Thinking of you and your family, I really hope you get news that your son has been found safe.
Thanks for your kind words. I just felt so bad when the paramedic called this morning. She lives 90 minutes away, and I visit once a week and sort out her food shopping and we have a meal. She is in sheltered accommodation so is safe but she’s lonely for family. Now she’s in hospital and I can’t visit because of lockdown, I just feel bad she is alone. I’ve not ever told her about my son’s problems but she knows something is up and doesn’t understand why she’s seen so little of him in the last few years. Before all of this my son would pick her up in his car and take her for dinner, then his visits stopped dead, and I’ve never really explained fully. He does visit her more now which is good. She’s not very understanding about mental health issues, despite having had her own problems.
Bump – I’m thinking of you and your son. I don’t think my son started to help himself until he was out of all other options in terms of friends and a place to stay. It’s the hardest thing to have to watch your own child go through this. But you never know when they are about to turn that corner, it seems to come out of know where.
I just heard this morning my very elderly mum has been taken to hospital with a heart problem. I’ve neglected her badly while trying to help my son. When it’s your child it’s all consuming and somehow you have to stay sane for everyone else in your life and for yourself.
Jaynhissay – thank you so much for reading our thread and for being so honest and open about your own battle. I don’t think anyone would judge you for smoking a bit of weed, getting off the really hard stuff is amazing, your mum must be so happy to have you back. That’s so encouraging for us to hear about.
We know that being an addict is not a decision that our kids made. Lots of people experiment and don’t end up where they are. But I guess as a parent there is no easy way through as it’s their battle, all we can do is try to even up the odds a little, at best and stand by and watch. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I really wish you all the best in life, you deserve to be happy xxx
Bump – I’m sorry sorry that your son has had to leave his supported living place. I can imagine how stressed you must be feeling. He’ll know that you love him, and as Lindyloo has said this might be the jolt that he needs. You have to prioritise your younger child right now. I think with Covid there is more support out there to prevent rough sleeping, and he is likely to have friends he can crash with. Have a look to see if you have a local homeless charity that will help people with substance issues. They might be more understanding than your local council.
At some point he will come round and will need support from his family in beating this. Something my son said recently: you can’t help someone who is burning down their house but you can help them to rebuild once they stop. Something like that, he was talking about himself a few months ago.
In Wales we are back in full lockdown for 16 days so no one will be going anywhere for a while which helps a lot.
Thanks for being there, I hope everyone has a calm weekend.
Hi Jenny,
I’m really sorry about your son struggling at the moment, and having to find another room. That must be unsettling for him, and really hard at the moment. Its heart-breaking seeing them sink like this. Its probably for the best that he doesn’t stay with your mum, you may have an even bigger problem to worry about. I hope he does turn a corner soon.
I still have my son home, he is 7 weeks clean from heroin but its so hard. I feel like he is running out of steam with it. He stays in his room all day, eats in there and only comes out at night when we are in bed. He is spoking weed, so spaced out most of the time and eating everything in sight. I just hope he turns a corner, because it feels so much like we have been here before. I feel guilty when I am at work, and we seem to bicker when I come home – the mess in his room!!! He won’t talk to anyone about what he’s going through, just wants to manage it himself. We went out for a meal the other night just the two of us, he ate a huge amount of food and got drunk. I just feel we are replacing one problem for another, its like he is so strong when he starts to get clean, but maintaining it is hard, hard work. Sorry I have grumbled on, it just feels endless at the moment.
I hope that everyone else is doing better and that there are positive things happening.
Lindyloo, I found my own addiction counsellor here in the UK, and pay £30 for half an hour. It’s worth the money because he helps me to remember its my son’s recovery and that he has to be in control. I get to vent my fears and frustrations to someone who understands the situation. I’m sure your son will come back around, relapse seems to be part of getting sober. Just remember your big girl pants are the bottom half of a superwoman costume 🙂