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Lindyloo, I’m so sorry things are not good. Its so hard, like watching your child from behind a glass wall drinking poison and setting fire to their life. It’s soul destroying, when all you want is for them to function and have a happy life. I’ve looked at rehab this last time round and spoke to 2 people that run facilities. They both said that you really have to find the moment when they are desperate to get clean. Something that has helped me, I started counselling with an addiction counsellor (not for my coffee habit) to help me to help my son. I do 30 min a week and I feel like I’m talking to someone who really understands what this is like for family members.
I really wish none of us were here going through this, it’s shit for them and for us. I really believe they will all win their battles, we just have to stay sane while we wait. I hope your son holds on to his job because having that framework is a real benefit if he can manage. My son plays computer games all day at the moment and I think the boredom is quite dangerous in recovery.
I know it’s hard but your son isn’t listening right now. Be there if he wants to talk but focus on what you can control at home.
I’m so sorry Lindyloo, I know how you’re feeling right now, The constant cycle is exhausting. Maybe he is serious about doing the 12 steps, but just slipped. Perhaps just buy him some food if he needs it and petrol/fares to work. I really hope he picks himself up and carries on.
Hello everyone,
Just checking in, it’s gone very quiet on this thread, I hope that’s a sign that life is relatively calm. My son is nearly 6 weeks clean from hard drugs. He is doing well but I can see that it’s a real struggle, he is smoking a lot of weed which I hate but I think its probably too much to expect him to come off that at the moment.
I’d love to hear how things are going for everyone, I know this is a slow and messy business but I hope things are going in the right direction.
Bump, that’s really good news and well done for taking on the council and supported living people. I hope that this gives you a bit of breathing space and that your son gets better treatment by the people who are supposed to help him.
My son has gone away for the weekend and we are having a couple of days away ourselves. We went out for dinner tonight, just the two of us which I think is the first time in nearly 3 months. It’s really nice but I will be relieved when my son makes it home.
I hope that everyone has a good weekend and that there are no unexpected ‘buckets of poo’ waiting to trip us up xxx
Lindyloo: Your son sounds like he’s doing really well, he’s obviously serious if he’s going to meetings. I understand why your anxious about payday. I have said to my son that if he goes on a splurge I won’t bail him out, it will be no frills food and that’s it. I don’t think it hurts them to be reminded about the money they’ve had from us and the expectation that it’s not happening next month.
Bump: I hope things went okay with your son today and that he has somewhere to stay.
My son is going away for the weekend which means a long train journey. He’s going somewhere safe but I worry about him flipping and ending up somewhere else. I’d rather he stayed than risk it all but I can’t say too much.
I hope everyone has a peaceful night x
His account is with Monzo, and you access it through their app. He took it off his phone and put it on mine so that I can see what’s happening. He buys drugs online so it helps him to get off them if there is accountability and I can see what’s happening. Our peace is very fragile and I know we are one transaction away from being back at square one.
I’m not sure if this helps but my son was at his absolute worst and I was right on the edge and out of ideas when he turned a corner. I was dreading him coming home from his friends this time and I know it’s early days but this is the best he’s been for a few years. You never know when something will click. And I know that I can be back there again easily but for now I am hoping.
Lindyloo I hope your son gets passed pay day, without being silly. I am worried about my son getting his UC next week. At the moment his bank app is on my phone ????.
Bump – I really hope you get some good news, you deserve it.
Your son didn’t stand a chance in that situation, it sounds like they are taking the funding but doing nothing for it. I think street valium/benzos need careful management to taper off because of the risk of seizures, so you could argue that he had no choice but to keep using until a proper plan is put in place. The agency could be accused of negligence.
Bump – That’s such a simplistic answer as he was there to try and get help in getting off whatever he’s using. If he had it under control he wouldn’t have needed to be in a supported living setting in the first place.
You must be so frustrated with this.
Do you know what he is using apart from Ketamin?
I really feel for you on this.
Bump – I agree with Jenny, I think it’s worth having another go with the assisted living people, making your case that he was not supported. Long term it doesn’t sound like a great option if they don’t do anything with the people who they are paid to support. Can you go higher than the person you spoke with previously?
Bump- I’m really sorry things are so bad with your son. I don’t think you have much choice in keeping him out, especially as you have a younger child in the house. I really hope that he finds somewhere and isn’t banging on your door on Friday. At some point he will be ready to change but you have to protect yourselves while you are waiting for that to happen.
Sleep well everyone x
Bump – I felt sad when I read your post yesterday about being at the seaside with your youngest and thinking of happier family times. I think its hard to not think about those things, men tend to be better than we are at compartmentalising. Have you heard from your son yet since the weekend? I hope things are okay.
Lindyloo, sorry about your expensive walk with your son, I’ve done that so many times, dropped everything just to find it was all about money, but that isn’t him, it is his addiction, he’s still there underneath, they all are.
Jenny, I hope your son managed to find somewhere to live that’s affordable.
Theresa, I get your chopping wood fetish, my partner does that. I like to go out on my bike, I have this long lane that is a long uphill. I used to hate it but I can get rid of a lot of inner turmoil and pent up anger when I am just focusing on the road in front of me, I think it also helps me to sleep.
My son may be going away for the weekend to a really good friend, who is nothing to do with drugs. I am not getting my hopes up, but it would be good for him, and give us a chance to maybe have a couple of days away. He is still doing okay, and has become an obsessive cook, which I think is helping with the cravings. He did an amazing chocolate cake yesterday and spag bol was ready when I came in from work tonight. Long may it continue. If my son can do it after the state he was in a few weeks ago, they all can when the time is right for them. Its just so soul destroying trying to keep them safe until they get to a point where they are prepared to really go for it.
I hope everyone gets a peaceful night
I think for my son, it was losing his good friends, because they didn’t want to know him when he was using. I think he probably registered shock on their faces when they saw him recently. It would be harder if his friendship group used as well.
I have struggled with insomnia over the last few years, my way of dealing with it, is a comfy pair of headphones that I can sleep in and Audible. I listen to books by people doing long distance walking, they are great for getting you back to sleep if you wake up in the night, although you don’t ever hear the book all of the way through in the right order. I also have listened to quite a few autobiographies, where the narrator has a gentle voice. I don’t think I could sleep without headphones now.
I hope everyone has a quiet night, no knocks on the door or buckets of …..
Bump22 – Thinking about you, I know how this feels. You just want to know that your son is safe but at the same time dread all of the drama starting over. But you never actually get to enjoy any peace that comes your way.
I went out with my son today, we had lunch and walked in the sunshine. I saw bits of his personality that haven’t been there for a while, but it’s all a rollercoaster. Three weeks ago felt like our lowest point and who knows what next week will bring. I don’t know how anyone stays sane through all of this.