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I’m sat here doing some very boring accounting job. That really made me laugh, but put me off my sandwich. The things we end up doing!!!!
Bump22: I hope you had a peaceful night and that your son stayed away. Maybe all of this will be the wake up call that he needs.
August BH weekend, I wouldn’t have got through without this thread. It’s not like you want to talk to your friends about it.
Thank you xxx
Bump22 Try and not think about it tonight. Find something decent to watch on telly and enjoy your wine.
This is very hard on you, but you have to look after yourself.
Bump22: I really hope that the support services sort themselves out and your son gets the help he needs.
I know that feeling so well of wanting to hide away. Sometimes it’s too much to try and put a smile on, when you just want to hide away. Sounds like a netflix and wine night.
That has made my Friday afternoon. At least you didn’t meet her on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
I hope your holiday was good.
I have had an okay week, my son is doing well, 3 weeks clean of heroin tomorrow and tapering the meds he was using to get off. It’s wonderful but I try to stop myself from hoping too much, as things can change quickly. I took him to my mum’s yesterday, she’s quite frail and confused. The pair of them over did the sherry while I cooked dinner, I wish I could have recorded the conversation, they definitely should live together.
Lindyloo: I’ve had the £300 call so many times. I looked at my bank statement recently and started adding it all up, it’s so depressing.
Hoping we all get a peaceful weekend.
Bump22 – I’m so sorry to hear how horrible your week has been, I can imagine exactly how you feel. The supported living accommodation sounds terrible, the worst of all worlds. I hope he is able to get all of this across at his meeting, that he’s had no support and has been placed somewhere where he’s really vulnerable. Maybe the police incident will be a wake-up call, although I know they only listen to the things they want to.
I feel so bad for you, I know how this just saps all the joy out of life. I hope things are calmer over the weekend.
Hi,
I have been thinking about you both, I hope things are okay.
Bump22 – is the supportive living accommodation working out? I know it’s early days, but hopefully things are improving and you have some breathing space.
Jenny, I hope you have had better night’s sleep, and that your son has not been home so much.
My son has been back for about 10 days. He isn’t using at the moment, and I set proper ground rules this time around what he can and can’t do at home. So far that is holding and things are calmer. I feel shell-shocked from the weeks building up to him leaving last time, like I’ve been through a war. My brain is struggling to keep up at work, but I’m sure that’s the same for all of us.
Anyway, I hope you are having a calm drama free evening.
I haven’t read A Suitable Boy but have read others by the same author, one was about a million pages, it was called Two Lives or something like that. In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts probably did get you a few strange looks in the library, brilliant that they had it.
Hey we’re smashing this, we have:
One son with a girlfriend and wearing matching socks (and no sonic in sight) – I can relate to all of that!!
Another up early and looking for work
and one at the kitchen sink washing-up AND actually managing to follow the plot of A Suitable Boy on telly (which I can’t manage)
I think we have to celebrate our successes 🙂
Hello,
So last night was a better evening, my son ate with us and washed-up, and even let the dog sleep in his room, which hasn’t happened for a few weeks. Its early days though and I have been here before a good few times.
Bump22: I started looking at forums aimed at users because I was completely out of my depth and very low on empathy. I thought I was going mad last week, I confiscated some pills that seemed to be having a psychotic effect and nearly downed the lot myself 🙂 I have looked at Opiate Recovery which is a subreddit on Reddit. I know about this because my son has talked about them checking in with each other as they mark their days clean. You will find posts on there that will make your toes curl, but in amongst it are amazing people that have really gone through the mill with this, supporting and advising each other. I think that empathy is a really hard thing to hold on to in all of this, but on Sunday night my son had news that a friend of his (not a user) had committed suicide. This was someone who had been lovely to my son in the past and encouraged him to fight his addiction. We just sat on his bed, his head on my shoulder, and that opened up better conversations and I felt brought him back to me, but it is maintaining it that’s hard. Sorry I’m rambling.
I think these forums are good places to ask questions, just ignore any silly responses and take on board any insights that are useful. Because of the painkiller epidemic in America, there are a lot of regular people with opiate addiction issues, and they have ended up there via the doctors prescription pad and greedy drug companies, not through the recreational drugs culture.
Jenny – I really hope that you were able to sleep last night undisturbed and that your son is somewhere safe. I really hope that he finds a permanent place soon. A good nights sleep becomes such a rare thing. I put audible books on at night with headphones, I listen to travel writers, things like The Salt Path, where your brain doesn’t get pulled into a plot, and the narration is gentle. Its helped me a lot.
I’m so sorry your son couldn’t get a place to live, you/we just end up going round in circles with this. I felt pretty close to going to the doctors last week. It’s not having an end in sight that is the killer.
The day my son came back we put some ground rules in place – I have no idea how long they will stick. He was feeling bad about what he’d done, so it seemed a good time to do this.
So they are: we see your bedroom every day and you tidy it every day – hopefully one day’s worth is manageable. I never want to clear up a mess like that again. No hard drugs or tablets bought on internet in house; whatever he was taking were having a horrible effect. You must help out around house and go for a walk each day. I’m going to struggle to enforce this, I know.
I can see you digitally rolling your eyes, but I have to try something. Last night he came out and watched tv with us for a while and had dinner at the proper time – with us!!!!
I went on a forum for recovering addicts and asked them what they thought was reasonable. I’ve also found it helpful to read their perspectives on getting out of addiction, because I tend to lose patience and then my empathy walks out the door and I just nag.
I know that this may only hold for a couple of days but you never know.
The bigger problem is that I’ve asked him if he is serious about getting clean and I don’t get a very positive response. My worry is that at some point he’s going to have to be homeless and desperate, and then the fight back may look insurmountable.
I’m sad for all of us dealing with this. I was thinking at the weekend what it must be like to have a happy grown-up child and maybe grandchildren. This is such a waste of life.
Hello, it’s heartbreaking to see them like that but at least he has his supported living place and hopefully he will get the help he needs. You will sleep better at night knowing he’s somewhere safe and not in the house. I really hope that he takes the opportunity. You did really well to get him a place.
My son is back here now. He went camping at the weekend, but must have taken something with him to get him through the weekend without getting sick. From what I can gather he’s annoyed the last of his good friends which was a wake-up call and has really upset him. So now he is back here going through withdrawal and really hurting. The scary thing is he has no memory of getting the train to Liverpool.
I have really struggled, went to the office today but couldn’t do much, I just feel so sad and scared for the future. I asked him if he really wants to get clean and he said he didn’t know. Obviously he’s very uncomfortable right now so maybe the wrong time to ask. I spoke to a chap today who is 20 years clean, that gave me hope. I worry how bad things have to get before my son wakes-up.
Jenny – I think you have to save yourself. I could see myself parking the car elsewhere and pretending I was out. You’ve been very generous in going as guarantor, I have done that previously, but as in your case it ended badly. I will never forget the mess that needed to be sorted out, along with the back rent.
I think in some ways I am lucky that I have an office to escape to in the day time, and my son definitely can’t come in there. I spend a lot of time feeling guilty, but reading your post made me think about how important it is to keep our own lives stable, and for you, your childminding work has to be protected. It would be so easy for us to sink a
long with them and to end up with no life. In the end that doesn’t help them.
I have just heard from someone who let my son stay over the night before last and he has told me he had relapsed, which is not really a surprise, but is a huge disappointment as he went through a lot to get to 7 weeks. He has now gone off on a camping trip with people that don’t know what he’s up to, he has only the clothes he left here in on Tuesday, and a tent someone lent him. I don’t know if he will hit withdrawals while he is there. I am supposed to be leaving today to go away for a few days, but am not really sure what to do now for the best.
Bump22 – I hope that you are okay and that your son is still staying somewhere else. Do you know when he can move into his new accommodation? If he goes for that, things could really improve for all of you and you will have breathing space.
Hello Whatnow, that sounds really horrible. If you don’t have anyone you can talk to I’d probably look for a local support group for the families of addicts, and let your gp know what’s happening. Talking things through will help you to work out what you should do. From my own experiences of addiction, my dad was a functioning alcoholic who wore my mum down and also seeing my son now, I’d probably advise you to leave, even if you just get a room in a shared house to start with. No one should have their life ruined by this. Nothing will change unless your husband is doing all that he can to get off.