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Hi Bump, I hope that you made it to the theatre tonight. I have no idea how you are supposed to stay sane while your son does this to himself its terrifying. I hope that by some miracle he does stay at his bedsit and starts to engage with services.
Hi Georgie, I’m really sorry to hear about how things are with your son. The only advice I can give is to try and do things with your life that make you feel in control, so you are not waiting around for your son to grow-up and start treating you properly. There is no point in looking for logic or fairness in the way that they act when its like this. I also think they are more vulnerable to falling in with girlfriends who have their own issues – otherwise why would they be with our son’s when they are like this. You have to find a way of living your life that isn’t reliant on how your son is day-to-day. The problem when they aren’t at home is that you worry about them constantly, but try and have some time in the day when you aren’t doing that and you are doing something that you enjoy. I remember when I first found out my son was using heroin, I was a real mess, and someone advised me to give it a good airing each day, think about it, and then try and put it away for a while and think about other things. Its hard to do that when they are at home kicking off, but maybe easier if they live away from home. I find going out for a walk with the dog really good for taking my mind of things. I hope that doesn’t sound preachy or that I think this is easy, it isn’t, its really hard.
All illegal drugs are bad but Ketamine is class B. I’d be worried about it as a gateway drug and also if your son is on it for a long stretch he may get a real tolerance for it. It gets used in conjunction with coke, which would be very bad because cocaine is so addictive.
I’m not sure if that helps. Something I do regret is that I told my son all drugs were very bad. I wish now that I had really driven home what heroin does to someone. You don’t want your son using a party drug like ketamin but I think you need to show you know a bit about what your talking about so that they don’t just dismiss advice as mum on a rant about ‘drugs.’
Is that heroin, if it is, I’m so sorry for you x
He believes that if he can move out into a nice flat near his old normal friends he will get ,clean. All of his money goes on drugs so he wouldn’t even be able to feed himself. I would rather spend money on residential rehab right now, but have been told not to push him in that direction as it has to come from him. Not totally sure what to do in the meantime. I get that it could all be a lot worse, so trying to stay positive. Having a new very well behaved dog is helping a lot 🙂
Hi Bump, I’m sorry things are still so bad for you.
I really hope that someone takes notice and can help your son. its so painful having to watch them doing this to themselves when all you want to do is support them.
Things are pretty much the same here, my son is desperate to move out but expecting me to pay the rent on that, which is the cause of most arguments at the moment.
Stay strong x
Hi Joanie,
Its so hard trying to keep someone stable and having to uproot your life to make sure they are okay. I hope that your son can get himself into AA nearby. You may have already mentioned this in previous messages, I haven’t been very good at keeping up the last few days as I’ve gone back to work.
Are you able to say what area of Wales you are in? I am also here so know a bit about the support services or lack of!
Ivy, Your posts are very hard to read, I don’t know how you have managed to keep going through all of this. I’m really sorry about what has happened to your son, I don’t know what else to say. I hope he stays in hospital and gets the treatment that he needs and you get to build a relationship with him.
Bump, I’m sorry that things are so bad at the moment, it must feel like you are being let-down at every turn. Without quality rehab and a more intelligent prescribing service, I don’t see how things are ever going to be any different in the UK.
Bump – I’m so sorry you’ve had all of this going on over New Year. I really hope that your son is kept in and gets some proper help, and you can have a chance to catch your breath. With the nhs the way it is, it’s more likely that they’ll kick him out until the next time. I really feel for you, I hope things calm down x
No one should have to go through what you’ve been through Kate. We all think of you every day, but words probably don’t help very much. I hope your family and friends are there for you x
I hope everyone is doing okay and having a peaceful New Year’s Day. Bump I really hope things have calmed down.
I have just reread the chapters in the Andrew Proulx book about how to help an addict and what you should and shouldn’t do. We all need this advice on a daily basis. I made a massive mistake early in 2021 when I found my son was using again. He told me if I left him to it he’d get himself off again, and here we are nearly a year on. Perhaps if I’d said at the time that he had a month to stop or find somewhere else to live we may be in a better position now. At least he would have more respect for boundaries being set by me. I think the truth is that he is easier to live with on opiates than when he’s coming off, which is an experience I know we have to go through again but fills me with dread and fear especially with the lack of specialist support where we live.
Ivy, I thought about you over the holiday. I hope things are improving for your son and you were able to see your mum.
Kate, always thinking of you. I think your advice is very level headed and objective which can’t always be easy. I hope 2022 brings joy into your life and some peace for the rest of us.
Nanny ger, I’m so sorry for your situation. I can relate to what you say about sleep being your refuge. Morning comes all to quickly and it’s so hard to keep facing another day with no more of a solution than you had the day before. I try to hang on to the fact that most users do get better as they get older. I remember reading that a few years ago, I hope it’s true.
Thinking of everyone on here as we face another new year. Bump, you have to put yourself and the other people in your family first.
Another book that’s worth a read is Understanding and Helping an Addict (and keeping your sanity), it’s written by a doctor who had a problem with drugs so he sees it both ways. Written by Andrew Proulx. It cost around £3 on kindle but is brilliant.
I know how overwhelming this is and that the crazy person who is off his head isn’t the person you know and love but he’s still in there somewhere. Until he’s ready to listen there isn’t much you can do. Keeping your family on track so that he can see something that he can’t destroy, that’s stronger than he is, will probably help him the most in the long run.
I’m thinking about you x
Sorry this is disjointed, my phone screen is playing up.
Thinking of everyone on here as we face another new year. Bump, you have to put yourself and the other people in your family first.
Another book that’s worth a read is Understanding and Helping an Addict (and keeping your sanity), it’s written by a doctor who had a problem with drugs so he sees it both ways. Written by Andrew Proulx. It cost around £3 on kindle but is brilliant.
I know how overwhelming this is and that the crazy person who is off his head isn’t the person you know and love but he’s still in there somewhere. Until he’s ready to listen there isn’t much you can do. Keeping your family on track so that he can see something that he can’t destroy, that’s stronger than he is, will probably help him the most in the long run.
I’m thinking about you x
Sorry this is disjointed, my phone screen is playing up.
Hi nanny ger, I’m sorry that Christmas has been so hard and painful. Reading your email reminded me so much of my last few Christmases, trying to fix on a smile that doesn’t want to be there for other people living more normal lives, and constantly going round and round the question of how on earth we got here. I don’t think the pain ever goes away, like you have said, its about remembering strategies that have helped before in surviving and not going mad. I obsess about the start of all of this, a few years ago, when my son lived in another city and had a good job. I wish so much that I had known about it when he first started using.
Its very hard to extract much joy from life when all of this is going on in the background.
Something that has helped me is from the 12 steps, there is stuff written for families, and it talks about just focusing on today, making a decision at the start of the day that this is all you’re going to worry about – sometimes it works! I try and hold on to the fact that lots of people do recover.
I hope you find some peace xxx