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You’ve done all the right things, I’m so glad a doctor has finally come out to visit. It sounds like they will take him in very soon, but you must be exhausted and every hour must be hard going. The stink and mess when someone succumbs to chronic addiction is really awful – they have no awareness of it. I’m really glad that Drugfam were able to help, they’ve put me back together on a few occasions. I think we get so far into an addict’s crazy world, the secrecy, the stress of knowing when they are desperate to use, we lose our perspective on what is normal. I hope when you feel able to, you can get advice from a solicitor on what your rights are and keeping you and your child safe.
I hope you are back with your child soon and that life gets better, you deserve it xxx
Thanks 68862, I try to enjoy these moments when they happen but feel so stressed all of the time. I know that things have been very difficult for you. I hope you and your husband are okay x
I really hope he’s calmed down and that he wants to get back on track. Really great if Ant P is raising the issue, he was hooked on Opiates. This is talked about a lot more in America than in the UK, but their opiate crisis is harder to ignore.
I hope everyone has a peaceful evening xxx
Kate1 I think of you often.
Also thinking of everyone on here, it feels like a never-ending slog. I had a good day with my son yesterday and he is reducing his usage. I’m trying to be grateful for that. It’s hard to imagine a time when all of this will be just a memory. This is how we all live now.
Lindyloo I understand what you’re saying. I am trying to embrace a faith to help me not fall over but it’s not easy.
So grateful for this forum though xxx
Your situation sounds really hard but stay resolute, you will get through this. Drugfam have been great for me, they are manned by volunteers that have been through this or are qualified addiction counsellors.
My mum is doing better now, thanks, my son is also turning a corner. I remember last Christmas being at my mum’s 60 miles away and she had fallen so I was trying to get her back up and my son was shouting at me down the phone that my partner was rationing codeine tablets which was an affront on his rights. I just wanted to cry. Like you I also looked at getting him sectioned, because he was a real risk to himself, but I was told that these days he’d have to be running around with a weapon before they’d think about that. I think where you will get better traction is that there is a child involved. That’s going to be taken seriously and also because coming off an alcohol problem as bad as your partner’s has to be done under medical supervision. You do need to be firm that right now he cannot live with you. Hopefully he will get the help he needs.
Holding it together at work is really hard, most of the people I work with know there is a problem with my son and are pretty good when things are bad. I run a company and there are days when I just want to get a more low level job that I don’t have to worry about so much, but at the same time I know at some point I’m probably going to have to pay for rehab and that is really expensive.
I have thought about you a lot since you posted. I really hope you get the help you need with this.
My heart goes out to you, you sound lovely but honestly you can’t fix this only he can. If you want to know where all of this goes, read the Theresa thread on this forum, it’s a group of mum’s trying to help with and survive our children’s addictions. That will tell you everything you need to know about the years you can lose in waiting for someone you love to find the strength within themselves to change their mindset and build a new life. It’s not as simple as just giving up a substance that is highly addictive, they have to change their lives, take responsibility, work every single day at being drug free.
I heard an interview on the radio last week with a young guy who’d got clean then relapsed when his partner had a baby. Eventually he did get clean again and got access to his child, after it was taken into care by the authorities. That is not a future that anyone wants. There’s a happier life out there for you xxx
Hello Ivy,
I think about you a lot, I know things were very bad for your son. Please get in touch when you feel able xxx
Hi Bump, I’m really sorry this has happened. I know that feeling so well of starting to pick up your life and think about other things just for it to all come crashing down. Your son has done brilliantly in starting to put his life back together. Hopefully he’ll come back around and get on track. My son, who is still using, but a lot less, won’t engage with the 12 step program. I think you said your son is doing this, hopefully they will support him and encourage him to pick up again.
I remember talking to a counsellor when my son was about 6 months clean and very hard to live with, she said that as they’ve been numbing themselves against their problems for so long that it’s like they’ve lost their ‘emotional’ skin and all conflict and stress has a massive negative effect. I know we all know that, so sorry for stating the obvious.
I really hope you have an okay day despite all of this. Like you, I wonder when my son will have his own home again.
I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. It’s very hard to get someone to tell the truth about their addiction. My experience of methadone is that to get it on prescription you have to prove to addiction services that you’re a heroin addict. Even then you usually have to go to a chemist on a daily basis or every couple of days to get it – UK. Whether it’s methadone or heroin you need to know what’s going on. An opiate habit is very hard to live with for a partner or parent. If you’re not too far in I’d seriously think about getting out. No one sets out to be an addict but equally not many people set out to build a life with one either, and it does sound that he’s not been honest with you about this. From experience trying to have a conversation in a very non-confrontational way, showing empathy for what he might be going through is the best way to give him the confidence to open up and talk about this. But you will have to be on guard that he may just spin you a line. If he’s serious about you and getting clean he should tell you what’s going on. But how he feels about his own future may change on a daily basis if he is struggling with addiction. Good luck, keep posting, it does help.
Sorry, I would also go and see a solicitor and get a free initial consultation to find out what your rights are and how to proceed in the longer term.
I really hope that you’re able to get help and support with this.
Im thinking of you xxx
Your situation is awful and I guess he’s in danger if he comes straight off the booze. From my experience, addiction services do very little for family members, I struggle to get them to engage. I would be inclined to do this but I am only guessing at what will work:
Phone the out of hours doctors service and explain your partner is alone in the house and is at risk if he stops drinking abruptly. Tell them you are prioritising your child’s welfare and have had to get out.
Phone local social services and tell them the situation and that you can no longer cope at home with your husband and again make sure they understand you are doing all of the right things to keep your child safe. This is your little one’s home and they deserve not to have to share it with a chronic alcoholic.
I know this is entirely different but when my mum was ill last Xmas and I was splitting my time between her (very demanding) and my son (withdrawing and awful to live with) they put a care package in for my mum within days when I told them what I was trying to deal with.
I’ve also known other people like your husband being put straight into rehab. But I think they have to keep drinking at a certain level until they are taken in.
None of this is your fault, and I’m sure if he was in his none addled and addicted brain he would want you to look after your child. This is too big and you need a lot of professional help. Please don’t try and sort this out on your own.
I would also call Drugfam, who have a really good helpline and will be able to support you with this.
Any future – I’m really sorry to read your story, it’s heartbreaking. No one should have to go through these things. I’m sure that your husband is a good person underneath the addiction but you have a child and yourself to think about. Do you have family or friends that understand your situation and who will help you? I completely get how hard this is, but unless he’s totally serious about kicking booze you need to think about getting out – and I know that in itself is not easy. But you do not want this to be you and your child’s life. I was brought up by a functioning alcoholic and now have a son addicted to heroin. I am so glad that he doesn’t have a child because it’s a whole different level of things to worry about. Please keep coming to the forum but prioritise your child and yourself.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, it sounds awful. I have this with my son, but it’s heroin, and have come to the conclusion that loved ones have little control or influence over what happens. It’s not their fault, if they could solve it right now I’m sure they would. No one chooses addiction. But you need to prioritise you and your children and get counselling around how you best do that and also not let it become a secret that prevents you from getting support from friends and family. Famanon and Drugsfam will also be able to help.
This forum is amazingly kind and supportive. Just knowing someone else understands what you’re going through makes this less lonely.
LezC – Thinking about you and your daughter today and hoping things are calmer x
It’s very hard trying to control their supply. At the moment my son lets me do that but I think it’s more to do with him wanting it to last until Universal Credit comes in and avoiding going into withdrawal.
I know it’s heartbreaking watching your daughter go through this, but I guess you never know when that moment will come when she really wants to stop.
She’s very lucky to have such a devoted Mum. I really hope things improve for both of you xxx