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You have done the right thing , you are not to blame – he will hopefully learn now that he shouldn’t buy drugs and pay later if he hasn’t the money.
If you had paid his debt he would of done it again and again and again and bled you dry.
Please be strong , he’s an adult and made the choice.
I Know it’s easy to say as he’s not my son but you know it’s true.
For his sake you had to say No .
I have accused my son of stealing £5 from my purse , I knew I had two and then that evening (saturday) when I went to pay for shopping I only had 1 , also a month ago my lovely watch went missing , although I didn’t accuse him then , I mentioned it with the fiver Saturday evening when I tracked him down at the pub.
He says he’s not a thief but ! When he lost his flat he moved in with my mum who’s 84 and My brother , who Is on a lot of tablets due to his diabeties . I checked my sons backpack when he came to collect new clothes and my brothers viagra was in there.
He has stolen in the past , I used to have to take my purse to bed with me.
So he has sent a text telling me not to speak to him again ‘ until he’s dead ! ‘.
I have decided not to Feel sorry for him , he alone has decided to take this path .
Lindy loo I do feel for you the truth is your son bought the drugs as he knew you would bail him out. Next month take his wages of him or get them paid into your bank account until he can be trusted , take his bank card of him . My sister in laws son had a gambling problem and she Did this to control his spending. Make it a condition of you bailing him out this last time. Xx
Lindyloo that’s great news x
Hi all , glad we’re all calm at the moment , my son has moved into a bed sit , he doesn’t like it he has to be in at 10pm every night or so he says !!! But he’s coming round nearly every evening for food. He seems a bit calmer but he ‘mentioned ‘ he had split with girlfriend ( maybe she didn’t like his new pants) . I’m feeling more optimistic it’s the ‘happy pills ‘ the doc put me on and sleeping better. He said he’s off the drugs but iv be told he ‘placed an order’ his brother heard him . We went out for a family meal last night and it was nice. He doesn’t say much and I don’t ask .
JEM It’s very good that your son has been off the drugs for 6 weeks , and Bump it’s good to know your son is safe and has somewhere to move too and hopefully get the help he needs
Keep trying , Maybe the sheltered housing has a list of trustees ? You can complain to about the lack of care /mentoring. Someone must of got your son in there can they not ‘help’ To sort this out.
Then I would call the homeless department at the council , maybe the person you dealt with before Is off sick or holiday .
I would phone the actual department.
I would also phone shelter for advice.
I would also ask my son the call the citizens advice to lodge a complaint against the council if they deny a duty of care.
I found this on the shelter website The second paragraph may help
The decision letter
If the council considers you are intentionally homeless, it has to inform you in writing. The decision letter should explain:
that the council has decided that you are intentionally homeless
why it came to this decision
that you have 21 days to ask for a review of this decision.
What happens next?
If the council decides that you are intentionally homeless, it has to provide you with:
advice and assistance to find somewhere else to live
temporary accommodation while you look for a new home.
The council have a duty to help . If I was you I would first phone the ‘assisted housing’ to clarify , then I would call the council dept for homeless for advice , then shelter.
Your son can also phone his local citizens advice for advice , they know the law inside out .
If he was in fact dealing drugs they would need proof before they evict him. If they have proof then the council may deem him to of made himself homeless and won’t help him so shelter and CAB would be his way forward.
2 weeks ago I went on anti depressants and have slept better. Xx
Bump – not sure if your in the UK ? Because of Covid the government are housing rough sleepers , so if your son does knock on your door then call the police and hopefully he’ll then be in the system to get help . Have a look at your local councils website on homelessness and give him the tel number.
Thank you , my son has found a room actually it was someone I remembered let out rooms from a few years ago and hubby phoned him and luckily he just had a room become available and my son likes it.
He’s moving in there tomorrow . He’s also text me earlier he has a job interview as well tomorrow so things are looking up for him . He’s told me he’s no longer using weed , and has also knocked the cocaine on the head ??? I’m not so sure about the cocaine . He still has a girlfriend and I think this is helping him mature . I’m trying to be positive , things are becoming better and he’s now talking to me and being polite.
lindyloo – sending hugs – get him a travel card for his meetings and ‘forget’ your purse when you meet up with him. If he’s stealing from your purse then that says he’s still doing the drugs . I don’t think due to Covid that actual ‘meetings’ are taking place only phone sessions but if I was you I would give them a call to clarify.
I have found that my son will tell me anything to get money from me.
If we could we would do the cravings for them .
My son has been staying with my mum this last 2 weeks but also out parting with mates my mum has copd and she’s worried.
He’s been looking at a few rooms ( yesterday) £600 a month Just for a room in London.
Thankfully he still has a girlfriend .
He won’t tell me anything about her even her name – but I do know it although I don’t know her or her family I’ve been told she’s really lovely , I think she may already have a home as she has a child maybe it’s not that ‘solid’ yet.
JEM can you bring food to your son ? Or get a local delivery like a spar . That way he doesn’t get the cash.
It’s mind boggling the decisions they make , they can’t seem to think properly .
Hi All , Haven’t seen my son for over a week , he is/was staying at his nans mostly during the week , sleeping a lot.
On Thursday he went to his ‘girlfriends’ so probably won’t be back till Monday !? He hasn’t found a permanent room as my mum gave him 2 weeks to find one and she’s scare she’ll get Covid as his mixing with others and she has COPD.
I’m glad he has a girlfriend.
Thank you , my son has returned to my mums they are very close , she lives only about 7 miles away. Yesterday I bought him some new socks and pants !! – as he has a girlfriend now I thought he’d look smarter . The last thing she wants is to see him coming towards her in his old manky sonic the hedgehog pants and unmatched socks- silly I know but I live in hope that ‘she’ is going to be the reason he gives / grows up. Something for him to aim for .
Someone near me on Wednesday threw themselves of a bridge just a 10 minute walk away – I was worried it could be my son. I’m living in constant fear.
I have all sort of calming music on my phone but I’ve decided Prozac is my best option – now to persuade the doctor.