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My son is sofa surfing , he had a chance with the council they agreed he was homeless and gave him 60 days to find a room that they would pay the deposit on and the 1st months rent.
We refuse to pay as we paid the deposit on his previous flat and there’s about £2000 worth of unpaid rent on it Outstanding and we are guarantors. Anyway he messed it up waited till the last 2 weeks then found a property that didn’t accept the unemployed , he did this twice now he has lost this chance . So he’s been sofa surfing , but coming back mostly everyday to wash and eat.
Friday I tried to talk to him While sitting beside him on the settee and he turned the telly up ‘ .
I did speak to him and asked him to go back and get help from the drug clinic.
Sunday it kicked off again he came in from an all night party and went to bed ! He doesn’t live here. We wanted to go out and don’t trust him in the house , he has stolen before from us . I collected my mum and she came as mediator and I gave him an hour and got him out of bed. He left to go to her house to sleep , and neither of us have heard from him since Tuesday. He’s not getting any messages , his phones probably dead. Today I am requesting anti depressants from the doctor.
My dentist actual says I’m grinding my teeth in my sleep ( when I do sleep up at 430 today ).
I can’t have my son living with us , he’s still doing drugs.
JEM – this camping trip may be helpful as he’s away from the dealers and it will give him time to think (hopefully).
7 weeks is good and regretfully he relapsed but the hope was there for him and he tried , he can try again. I believe it’s a slippery up and down path with much disappointment along the way.
I would still go away , you need a break .
Yes we changed the locks he doesn’t have a key.
As for his clothes , I prefer him to be clean and shaven and most times he is , he is ‘courting’ a young girl although he has told us nothing , so I want him to be clean .
Him having a girlfriend ( he’s not had a proper girlfriend for over 6 years and he’s 32 ) is an answer to my prayers.
I just need him to stop and think and be grateful and not expect .
He’s very ungrateful , has no empathy , he is using us .
Am I horrible ! I’m teaching my son a lesson , he’s not got a proper place to live , he lost his job through drink and drugs and couldn’t pay for his flat , he had 2 lodgers who paid him rent that he spent . There’s a big bill coming for this flat as I’m guarantor. Probably over £2000. I also lent him £2500 just before he lost his job and before I knew he was a coke addict and alcoholic.
He didn’t want to pay for his flat and didn’t want the 2 others homeless . Well it’s him that’s homeless now as they have moved on.
I agreed to my sons clothes being stored at my house but he comes round most days and eats all the food . I also found a stash of empty beer bottles. I have told him that I don’t want him drinking in the house and he said ‘would you prefer me to drink in the park’ I said YES I would if you want to drink alcohol.
He is very rude , arrogant and we don’t get on , he can’t come back ‘home’ I am a childminder and he wouldn’t pass ofsted rules. I am not working until September .Anyway everyday he comes back has a shower try’s to stay as long as possible , he has someone to sleep but can’t leave his things there. He has a girlfriend but won’t even confirm it .
Today he came earlier and it’s so ungrateful and rude , I asked him about the telly programme and he just muttered and turned it up.
He has to leave when I leave ( heis known to steal my lovely watch went missing less than 2 weeks ago) and I’m now back home but iv parked the car on another road and I’m hiding up in my bedroom so he can’t see me . It’s raining – I feel bad but many times I went round to his flat when he had it and he wouldn’t answer the door to me and told me to f—-off and called me a bitch.
I want some peace. I want him to feel like I felt .
I WANT HIM TO FEEL , TO WAKE UP.
Whatnow if your partner is threatening your livelihood , and is being controlling I would most defiantly arrange to leave him .
Your life is more important , he sounds nasty.
Go visit your relatives , hand in your notice at work if you have too . Your well-being is the most important thing here.
If you own the flat – get someone to throw him out , Male bullies are normally scared Of other men that why they pick on women . Sell it move to nearer family.
If you rent – seek advice but don’t stay with him . Sending hugs .
My husband is my sons father we are still together but we Do clutch at straws to find a Possible reason for their behaviour , and dependency’s on drugs /booze . Throughout the years I have thought of many reasons , is he gay and not able to come out/ was he been sexually abused as a youngster/ is it me did he think I did something really terrible . My hubby and I had an abortion before he was born as I wasn’t married – did my mum ever tell him ? It’s possible .
Is he Blotting out some dreadful thing from his past / I think the truth is some people are more prone to have addictive personalities and can’t say no . Then they get into a spiral of self hate and cravings so they take more to dull the pain.
Maybe it’s because boys/men don’t talk about their feelings and girls are more open .
I too have sourced help for my son , he went once To a clinic before lockdown and refuses to call them /go back for help.
His moods swings are so bad he’s Angry 99% of the time.
Homeless – living somewhere but he won’t tell me . Unemployed.
I can’t have him back as he Is toxic , rude, unmannered.
And I can’t have drugs anywhere near my home .
He’s 32 years of age so no longer a child.
My ‘child’ died 15 years ago and all that’s left is this shell, and his voice. His whole personality is disagreeable.
Yes ‘it’s my fault ‘ , of course it is . I should of whipped your arse when I first knew you smoked dope. I should of told your skanky makes to f-ck off when they knocked. Instead I was nice to them while unknown to me you was smoking weed together .
If you die although I will be heartbroken and destroyed I have decided to exclude anyone from the funeral who has ever smoked dope , or took cocaine with you , family members included.
They blame their mums as they can’t yet take responsibility and blame themselves . They are too immature.
Jem – my son went like this and then tried to overdose on tablets. He wasn’t sectioned the hospital just sent him with us.
Is their anyone !!! Uncle, Aunt , old best friend that could take to him ?
If he’s working and holding down a job that’s a good thing. Xxx
My watch??? I can’t ask him – as my other son (younger) said that it’s probably been pawned and when he get his universal credit money he will buy it back and then I will find !!! it somewhere in the house . Then I will ask. I’m hoping it comes back as Im lost without the time.
Let’s all agree
It’s not our fault we did our best we are not to blame – they made the choice and keeping choosing it over everything else.
We can provide support but without actual money being given – as they will spend it on their drug of choice.
Let’s all pray that they reach their ‘rock bottom’ and seek help as only they can for it to truly work.
Try and find moments of laughter and fun in our own life’s or else the drugs win twice.
We have been given this burden for reason
I’m going to be honest here and say as a loving mother I want to punch the need for the drugs and alcohol out of him. I want to punch him , punch him hard , Keep on punching him , punch that desire , punch that craving , I want to beat the hell out of it ! I want to destroy it., and believe me if I could see it I would .
I won’t give money to feed it.
I’m a normal 58 year old mum Who should be enjoying life instead of all the heartbreak , and anxiety , and scared in case my son dies.
Sending hugs to all , I read that having an addiction makes them very selfish , they seem to loose any empathy for other people . I bought and am reading the book ‘mum lend me £20’ it’s a true story of a lady who lost one of her twins both who where addicted to heroin . She bailed them out loads of times remortgaging her home. Losing her life savings for old age.
My son is on the verge on homelessness , he’s sofa surfing. He’s not easy to live with so they won’t put up with him for long.
I have found out he has been arrested and charged with having a class A drug on him and is due to go to a magistrates court in September I think it’s the 1st time he’s been charged . He comes ‘home’ daily to eat and my watch went missing at the weekend? Life’s a strain and the only option I have come too is to move to another area. He isn’t ready to give up the cocaine.
February Marie I’m sending hugs , I sometimes think we loved our children too much when they were growing up.
The world has changed , for years there has been less opportunity and no hope of finding a soulmate with all this tinder , Facebook and social media , in the old days you could meet people at family gatherings and through friends. I think a lot of young adults hit the booze or drugs as they are lonely and bored. Then it becomes addictive , and their way of coping with life. It’s an illness .
I also didn’t have contact for 5 weeks with my son who is addicted to cocaine and alcohol , in the end after ignoring my texts and email , I had to knock on his door.
If your son is not replying to you then go round there , he’s not answering because he’s ashamed and possibly depressed.
I would make contact he seems like a lovely young man who still has a conscience, although he needs to get help , ask him if he’s ready For that help then research local authority clinics that may help .
Is there anyone who can mediate between you? Does he want help? Sending my Love x
Yes I find myself looking at photos of him as a child and staring into his sparkling eyes wondering how we got to this , we’re not even speaking . His Eyes no longer sparkle. He’s still only 32 .
It helps me in a way to think he’s made his choices and whatever I do or say it only makes him worse , the drugs have affected his personality , made him volatile and paranoid .He hates both me and his dad .
Sending a virtual hug xxx
I have found the more I try to help the more my son dislikes me for interfering/controlling his life.
Has your son got anyone he can talk to ? A favourite cousin/uncle/Aunt / Old favourite teacher – anyone ? Any local council addiction clinics ?
While he is using he will only Really listen to the addiction .
I believe the drug is Evil and selfish – an enemy of mine and wants to control his life , the life I gave him – but for the moment I think the best way to win is to step back , not interfere/help and let the drug think it’s won – Then when my son hits HIS rock bottom and PROVES he wants help I will help with every fibre of my being.
Although hard to do – you mustn’t bail him out it only drags out the ‘hitting rock bottom’ that he must reach before he can climb up again. Don’t lend /give money , I too wish I had a normal family , my stomach is forever knotted I feel like it’s been kicked by a horse. I also don’t sleep at night and trying to keep down a job . I cry when alone . To be honest I think I should get anti depressants – but am resisting.
I wish I could kidnap him for a few months to get the need out of his system but it really has to be them , they need to want to stop.
For your other children’s sake , and your own well being , and depending on your relationship with your son , tell him you love him , tell him it’s making you ill , tell him your stepping away , until he Wants help and proves it and mean it.
Have something to look forward too helps .
Xxxxx