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Hi Maggie
Thanks for your message and for everything you’ve done through your supportive messages throughout this thread. You’re amazing.
9 months – seems impossible when you’re at the start doesn’t it. I’m so happy for you. I know for a fact you earned your recovery through a hell of a battle.
Just you saying the physical symptoms will soon ease is a comfort. You’re also absolutely right about the mental aspect. I think the mental side is becoming more acute as the days pass. The cumulative physical assaults don’t help with mental well-being but in terms of the mental symptoms, I’m not just depressed and anxious – long buried demons regarding confidence and esteem have returned with vengeance.
I know I can stop all this….. It’s such a leap of faith to keep going.
I won’t relapse. I can’t. I don’t deserve this. My partner certainly doesn’t. Oh god the guilt last night when he said what an amazing weekend he’d had due to us doing things together (even though I’ve been ‘poorly’). Usually I party through the night and sleep all day so I’ve deprived him of any quality relationship. Jesus the guilt.
Anyway, I’m rambling.
Thank you again for everything.
Hi Flo
Thank you so much for your reply. It’s a really really hard battle. A brutal and mental assault and this drug will do anything it can to try and make you turn back to it and pick it up again. Without wishing to be too dramatic I think the devil works through addiction and he’ll try every trick in the book to bring you back in. You’ve got to dig in so so hard and scream at it to f* right off.
I think it helps people (those now and those who will come next to suffer this battle) to maybe obtain some comfort in timeline and to know what to expect and when. No two experiences are the same but due to the length and intensity of my use I know I’m in for a hard one. I hope others suffer less, but it’s better to expect the worst I guess.
It was day 5 for me yesterday and I did a huge amount of crying. Led in bed most of the day trying to get my head straight. It was a big birthday for my partner’s mum and I just had no way to get out of it. I have bailed and cancelled on pretty much everything apart from work since I can remember (they would just interfere with my feel good time) so it’s ironic that the one thing I can’t get out of arrives in my detox.
I cried for an hour in the shower and took forever to get myself together as I had no energy. I held back the tears for the drive to the party. Once I got there I was ok! Dosed up on paracetamol and Ibuprofen and took immodium to manage the physical symptoms. I felt positive on the drive home and enjoyed the music in the car more than I ever have!
Unfortunately the restless body was there to greet me in bed. I did manage about 4 hours sleep though in the end, relatively unbroken.
Day 6. Mentally I’m struggling. My anxiety is through the roof and my heart is beating out of my chest. Very teary and emotional and I have to say I’ve had some dark thoughts. I have no energy and no motivation (the house is a mess!) but I’m going to get showered and go for a drive to the coast. Later I’ll head over to my partner. Whilst physically this seems insane and almost impossible, my mental protection has to take precedence and I’m sure this will be eased by getting out and getting through the day. The time goes quicker when doing something.
I hope you’re doing OK, Flo. I’m proud that you have such control to manage a tapered withdrawal and I only hope and pray that once you stop completely it is an easier ride for you.
Hi all
What an important tool this forum is. It’s existence offers so much comfort, support and courage at a time when the person reading is unlikely to have felt more frightened and hopeless.
I’m on day 5 of cold turkey withdrawal from a 10 year almost consistent addiction to Nurofen Plus. My using was broadly a 32 pack a day all at once in the evening with alcohol. My using never deviated from this routine (although I initially started at a lower dose on first using and after relapse). During the week it would help me to de-stress / come down after work and at the weekend it was for the party and the feel-good factor, but ultimately whilst there was inevitably still an element of the drugs helping with stress and to take off the edge, the using became a necessity to keep feeling normal / well and away from withdrawal symptoms.
I managed maybe 14 months clean in 2019 and relapsed during Covid. I managed to get through another cold turkey withdrawal but quicky relapsed (after about a few months) which brings us pretty much to date.
I’m currently on Garden Leave, starting a new job mid-June and clearly this is a good opportunity to escape this cage. For the last two months I’ve been saying I’d start the detox on the Monday following the weekend. On a couple of occasions I managed two days and cracked.
I took my last packet at 6pm last Tuesday. I feel the pain of all of you. It’s hell. In terms of the withdrawal symptoms so far:
1. Gastric. Started almost immediately. Constant, draining and made me so sore. I wanted to soldier on to try and let my body expel any residual opiates but yesterday morning I took immodium instant (which worked so well). I thought maybe it was a coincidence and my gastric issues had stopped, but they were required and worked again last night.
2. Appetite. Whilst during my previous withdrawals food was abhorrent to me and I ate very little at all, this time I forced a different approach and made myself eat. You feel rubbish when hungry at the best of times so it can add to the misery of withdrawal. Also I wanted to make sure my metabolism was as efficient as it could be in the hope that it would perhaps bring about a quicker recovery from the acute withdrawal. Push through and make sure you keep eating even if it’s just pieces of bread, crisps even sweets – just something. I do think it gives some comfort and has definitely helped me a lot compared to previous withdrawals.
3. Drink. Lots of fluids. I drop effervescent magnesium tablets with electrolytes in my water bottle which definitely help with the weird muscle, crawling skin and restless legs.
4. Sleep (or lack thereof). It’s gotten progressively worse and I manage maybe 3 – 4 hours. They torture people with sleep deprivation. Tied in with general discomfort (restless legs and the rest of the body, tingling skin like crawling ants) it feels like a true struggle to make it to the morning with your sanity in one piece. I am absolutely mentally and physically exhausted in the morning (after waking for the day at 5) and have a good ole cry usually about 8.30 – 9.
4. Time! Time has slowed down to a snail’s pace. The days and nights are so long!!! Whilst you will be inclined to simply exist in bed or on your sofa (that’s all your energy will allow), please do try and get out somewhere to break up your day and the weird time-shift. Whilst I started the day broken yesterday with a massive emotional breakdown, I forced myself to shower, get ready and briefly visit the town centre and then the Supermarket. Took some time in the garden (just sitting) , watched the football, managed some food and watched a film before heading to bed. It massively helped that my partner was with me (he doesn’t know and thinks I have a bug), he was a happy distraction.
5. Restless legs. I wholly agree with most others on here that they are by far the worst symptom. Hell. Probably the biggest fear in going through this again.
6. Waking up with anxiety and cold sweats. I have found that by keeping on top of Ibuprofen and paracetamol every 4 hours these are far better than they have been previously.
7. I did my previous detoxes whilst working full time. It definitely helped with the long days but in the round I wouldn’t have chosen to do it that way.
8. Stress dreams / nightmares. Awful. I stay away from sleeping tablets as I feel as though these get worse.
9. Energy. Non-existent. Feel like I’ve had the life sucked out of me and like I am carrying a backpack of rocks wearing a pair of invisible reins with a big brute holding on.
I’m currently holding on hoping that I’ll start to feel a bit better by next Wednesday. God grant me quiet legs!
Sorry I’ve gone on a bit but I wanted to share. I’ll email re the whatsapp group and keep up to date with you all.
One day at a time. Just for today. You deserve to be free.