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Hi Jennifer68
I’m so sorry you are going through this terrible time
Your son is still young his body may recover in between the drinking and the drugs
It’s such a hard fight to get any help
But I would urge you to try maybe his gp
Or if he could get into rehab
I know the anxiety so well and not being able to plan anything it’s a nightmare
We had a 2 night stay in London last October my son was suppose to go to his daughters
Who is going through a bad break up and has a small baby
He let us all down I couldn’t enjoy one minute of that time for worrying about him and my granddaughter
He’s 49 and has been drinking most of his adult life
But since November he’s been sober apart from one slip he ended up in hospital in April
But he’s back on the wagon again now
I have been sick of people telling me to leave him to get on with it and have a life myself
They have no idea how it is to be constantly worried and stressed
I love him and couldn’t let him destroy himself
Please try to get some help for you at least
Love and hugs
Joanie
Hi Pambler
Please leave the guilt and embarrassment behind
Be kind to yourself drugs and alcohol are not your friends
Whatever got to where you have been
Is the past
I have had years of my son being an absolute nightmare
Last November he was at his worst
But he’s managed to work through his baggage and guilt it’s hard work
I really thought he might die he was skin and bone couldn’t even hold a cup without shaking couldnt keep food down
He was covered in bruises
Chain smoking
He look like he was homeless
It’s not been easy his gp gave him anti sickness pills anti depressants and diasapan to take the edge of the shaking
He managed to get back to some sort of stability
He has been in counselling since February
He’s found groups to join
He fell of the wagon and ended up back in hospital in April
But he was back sober within a couple of weeks
This is a hard road
He with me for a few days break and is
So much better
Keep trying keep talking to us on this forum we don’t judge
And we don’t sleep much lol
Take care of yourself
Joanne X x
Hi Kate
I just wanted to say what a brave strong women you are
To stay in this thread to help is so kind
After all you have been through
Your words are wise I hope Pambler
Hangs on to them and gets through some more days
Love Joanie ???? x x
Hi halo
That numbness is awful
You have looked after your son while he was young fed him clothed him kept him
Safe and now he has free will to do as he wants
Poor choices are a theme with addicts
I use to think think my son just wanted to destroy himself he was self harming by neglect
risky behaviour he had complete disregard for his safety
Nothing he did made any sense like you
I would go over all the things he done it’s like Groundhog Day
I wish I had answers to help
I don’t think think my reaction to problem was right
It has to come from the addict to want change
I hope things get better for you and your son
Remember to look after yourself
X x
Hi all
I know things are mostly very hard for us mums but I would like to share some positive news
My son has manage to spend the 4 day bank holiday on his own and sober
Which to me is unbelievable
I have been on edge but didn’t check up on him
He text me with nice texts and said he was joining in a street party yesterday helping with the food and setting up stuff
He was there from 12 until 8 in the evening and text to say he had a really good day
I could have cried it’s such a turn around
He rang today and chatted for 30 mins
I know he’s probably not out of the woods
But I am so proud of him
I think it goes to show anti depressant counselling and activities can help
I don’t think Anything I’ve done has made that much of a difference other than loving him when I really didn’t even like him
It has taken its toll on me as we all know how heart breaking and disappointing life
Is with addicts
But maybe there can be light at the end of this dark tunnel
Please look after yourselves I pray we can all get through these trials
X x
Hi Penny
They are so thoughtless
The will never realise how much they put you through
At least he was safe
X x
Hi Penny
Hope he’s safe
X x
Joanie
Hi Pambler
Glad you have us all on here
We all have things to share that may help
Addiction is so difficult to understand
My son is doing well now he’s been off the booze since November
He had a slip up in April but he’s sorted himself out
He’s says the key thing is to be occupied
He’s join a few groups not for alcoholic
But for people who are lonely and need company
He’s done a couple of repair shop things
And goes walking with some guys
Also joined a wellness centre
Danger times are when he’s not working
And has time on his hands
He has been having counseling every week since February he doesn’t tell me about it but he says if has really help to get rid of a lot of baggage that he’s been carrying about for years
He’s actually started to like himself
He’s has been in a very dark place and was treating himself with huge amounts of alcohol
He has been in hospital about 6 times in the last 18 months he’s broken bones from falling down the stairs he had that many bruises I thought he might have something seriously wrong with him
He’s has been so reckless with his health
It not easy to get yourself out of the downward spiral
It is in my opinion a form of self harm
Please please try to get some counselling
Or join a support group
You life is worth so much more that you are giving it
Drugs are not your friends they may blank out what you are feeling but it’s short lived
You can talk on here someone will always be listening and willing to give you advise
Take care of yourself nobody is coming knocking on your door to offer help
Try to get proactive seek help
Love and hugs Joanie x
Hi Pambler
Welcome to the forum
I’m sorry that you are struggling with addiction
You need to get help if you are ready to
There is help C A is the cocaine help group
This thread is mainly mothers fighting to help their sons and daughter to get off drugs and alcohol
I hope you can give and insight into the other side of this
Hi Bump
Maybe you could join your children is something away from school
People can be so smug with their “perfect” lives and definitely judgy
I’m sick of family and friends telling what I should do about my son
They have no idea of the stress we are under
I have said many times I don’t like my son sober or drunk and it’s true I wouldnt choose to have him in my life if he wasn’t my son
He’s just basically not a nice person he has no empathy
I offered to go down this bank holiday
And he point blank said he didn’t want be there
Considering we had been with him for best part of 4 months at the beginning of the year
I thought this was pretty cold
It will be a danger point for him as he won’t be working and probably won’t see anyone
I only have his best interests at heart
My partner is away playing golf I said I didn’t want to be on my own
He said oh get his brother to come round !
Anyway I’ve told him if there’s any drinking I won’t be happy
Not that he cares
So I’ve taking my youngest grandson out to the cinema and Pizza Hut
It’s Groundhog Day I want to go on holiday but I’m stuck in this trap with him calling all the shots
He is manipulative and I can’t break the cycle
I glad you shared your thoughts on this forum it really does help
Try to do something with your children this bank holiday if you can
Take care
And don’t give up
Well I know that isn’t an option because we don’t
Love and hugs Joanie x x
Hi nanny ger
Your post made me cry
And I don’t cry
Yours words and thoughts are heart breaking
We walk the tightrope of what we are prepared to do and what we know isn’t doing any good
We go on hoping things will improve but deep down we know it’s an impossible situation
There isn’t much help for addicts let alone the families
I feel in total limbo not able to more forward waiting for the next crisis
I hope you can find some peace
And that you are looking after yourself
Love Joanie x x
Hi Weegem
Welcome to this thread
I’ve found great comfort in this forum
It’s a safe place to voice how upset you are and also to hear how other mums are coping
My son is an alcoholic but my granddaughters husband has been a cocaine addict
He started in lockdown it was totally out of character especially as they had just had a baby
She through him out after discovering he was using and having it delivered to the house and also having an affair with a girl
Who was also taking cocaine
It’s a terrible thing I hope your son can get help
Please look after yourself the stress can really take it’s toll
Love Joanie
Hi everyone
How are you all doing
I’m nearly over Covid still coughing a little
But feeling better
My son is ok I think I’m trying not to have too much contact with him
But he seems ok
Hope all your adult children are doing better
Love Joanie ???? x
Hi
Forgot to say drinking alone is a red flag
X
Hi macface
I would seek help to stop drinking
Lots of people on this forum
Have family / loved ones with varying decrees of addiction
Theresa thread is very long but might be worth a read for you
Our addicts mostly engage in dangerous or at best risky behavior
And many have caused themselves harm
And some are unlikely to recover
When a drinker says I’ve had this to drink you can usually add quite a bit to the amount
It’s called denial
I suggest you get yourself together if you still can and make a plan to stop drinking
I hope it’s not too late
As it will ruin your life and your family’s
Life too
My son as no memory of half the crazy things he’s done
Fallen ,been lost .driven his car ,
Walked out of work ,been violent
He’s lost days
The world keeps turning he has let so many people down
He’s on his own now and I’m the only one that checks he is ok
It’s time to take stock not of your family
But of yourself and where you want to be
Otherwise is a very rocky road you will be on
You will only stop for yourself
Family soon get fed up and move on who can blame them
Start today
Take care
Joanie