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Hi halo20
I’m sorry you have all the worry and stress of a son with addiction
We all live with that feeling of doom
I think it’s because we wonder how much more harm can our sons/daughters do to themselves with out consequences
There is always hope that they will stop
Has he tried rehab or any groups
In England there are groups for families of addicts
My son is a binge drinker and is ok while i am with him but the effects of one of his sessions are very scary
I have found it hard to get help but he has started counselling and is taking antidepressants
Ultimately we have no control over what they do and at the moment I have no control over him keeping me here
My advise is to take care of yourself as best you can as all this will harm you if you don’t
Do you have other children
Try to read Thresas thread on here
It my help
Keep strong
Love Joanie xx
Hi all
Just back from a weekend with my granddaughter my son drove
He was lovely with her baby daughter but
I feel it’s not enough to keep him strong and sober
It was a difficult weekend as she is on her own with the baby
As the husband has left her for someone else and a cocaine habit
She is living in a run down house with a big mortgage that was to be done up and their forever home
She hasn’t got much and house is awful
I can’t worry about her she is young and will have to manage
The baby is 1 and quite demanding
And she has had to go back to work 3 days a week
When will all this end
I want to go home and rest or go on holiday
I’ve worked all my life and now all I have is stress and worry
I think my son will go back to work soon maybe a week on Monday
He has a counseling session face to face on Wednesday I just don’t want to get my hopes up
I think we all feel the same despair
It’s so sad
I get the thing about other people having a normal life and doing nice things
It makes my life seem worse
Not that I would wish this on anyone
I’m so tired
I hope thing improve for us all
Take care everyone
Love Joanie xx
Hi Nanny ger
Your post sounded so sad
We are all at different stages of what we can deal with
I can image how sad it must be to finally end the relationship with your son albeit
With the understanding the door is open
I’ve been listening to Gabon Mate on you tube
I’m even more depressed now
I really get his take on things but I’m not sure if it’s helpful
I’m still with my son we are at my house but going back to his tomorrow
He’s not drinking and behaving pretty normal
But my god it’s hard work
My partner and I are rowing most of the time it’s so difficult I think he’s jealous of my son
And resents my spending time with him
And I’m lost in it all
Take care of yourself
Love Joanie xx
Hi all
I really appreciate the comments
It’s difficult to see our problems when we are so close to them
I consider myself to be fairly level headed
And a problem solver
I watched a couple of the YouTube clips of Gabon Mate
My son didnt have a stable childhood
My life was full of upheaval marriage break ups and house moves
So maybe I’m to blame but I always loved my son
He joined the Royal Navy when he was 16
I wonder if this had a bad effect on him
How are all your sons
Take care of yourselves
Love and hugs
Joanie xx
Hi
Thank you I will have a look
X
Hi Georgie
Yes I think you are right
I’m clutching at straws
I do love my son and fear for his safety
I don’t like him much
I will plod on I’m not qualified to deal with any of it but I read as much as I can to gain some knowledge
I hope things are ok with you
Thank you for reading my post and replying
Love Joanie x x
Hi Jem
Thanks for relying
His work keeps him here
Although he’s hardly been working for the past 12 months
He works for the government so obviously they support him
Baby him I think
And he is still on full pay
The likely hood of him getting another job is slim
With his track record of sickness
Plus the pay is good
But he works from home so no company
I don’t want to move here as I hate it
I have family and friends where I live and not ready to give them up
Although they think I have because they don’t understand
I haven’t had any proper counselling
Had some relaxation therapy which was useless really
I am ok
Covid has just made things impossible
I’m trying to get him engaging in some out of the house activities
I feel like he’s is 4 and I’m trying to organise play dates
He has no friends
This all sounds very negative sorry
I’m just trapped
I don’t even enjoy his company I feel suspicious and wary of him
Love Joanie xx
Hi to everyone on this thread
Just wondered how you were all doing after. Christmas and the new year
I’m still with my son
Dr had given him another 3 weeks off work
No news on his counseling how they can start it and say needs at least 20sessions and leave him hanging I don’t know
The funding is the issue be has been referred again but he could go to the back of the list
Which was a 6 month wait last time
I’m so frustrated he has remained sober
But his mood is low
I have to go home sometime this week
He is coming with me
It’s never ending I’m so tired of it all
He just getting fatter and fatter
I feel as if I’m building him up for his next binge drinking episode
Which will be when I finally leave him
What do I do any suggestions
I hope things are good for everyone
Joanie xx
Hi February Marie
Thank you for your reply
It’s strange that both our sons act the same way
Awful to hear how much harm your son has come to it breaks your heart I’m sure
My tale is similar
In the last 12 month
My son has had pneumonia twice his hip had eroded with drink and he waited 2 years for a hip replacement
He had this I stayed with him 8weeks
He got so drunk after I left that he fell down the stairs and broke his femur and knocked the hip out
He had to have another operation to fix it
He had pneumonia again
He has been back in with gastric problems and an irregular heart beat
Over 160 beats per minute
All drink related
I get him better and he recovers quickly
He’s really well now
I don’t want him to be ill but it’s so annoying when he bounces back
It has taken longer this time
Why would anyone want to be so ill
I hope you are managing to sleep
And have some time to yourself
Love Joanie x x
Hi February Marie
I’m stuck here with him wales
He is well eating like a horse I’m losing weight
I’m doing the cleaning and the ironing he does cook but not food that I like
He has no taste buds due to excessive
Alcohol use so everything is spicy
I am the very definition of a Marta
I have painted myself into a corner with no way out
My son look older than his years and the stress and stain is on my face too
It’s awful
I really hope your son does get it together and sorts himself out with his extra cash
He might because it is his last chance
I agree about being normal when other people around it’s a big game of let’s pretend
My son won’t acknowledge his drink problem on any level
An after all the self abusive and hospital admissions he’s worried about his everyday health …. Why after nearly killing himself with 18 bottles of wine !
It’s madness
Let’s see what tomorrow brings
Love and hugs J
Hi Jem
It’s not been continual he has had a wife and a 10 year relationship with another woman so they have had the brunt of it
And been there for his crazy antics
I could write a book
Far too much to go into but I guess you can imagine
I’ve been involved more in the last year the last one chucked him out she was much younger and realized he was never going to change
She did try bless her she thought she would make the difference
I didn’t liked her but never blamed her
He did some awful things
And she was young enough to start again
He has always been a nightmare
It’s the usual story selfish no empathy
Unkind sneaky untruthful
It’s an addicts life story
My other son is a kind loving man with a steady job and three teenage sons
Is it nature or nurture
I think is in the addicts make up
I can’t let him fall or fail I know it’s what I should do but can’t
I’m 69 now I’ve had breast cancer
5 years ago
But I’m still here cleaning up his shit
Literally
I’m tired but on I go
If you can find the strength to let your son
Hit rock bottom my advise is to do it
Even though I can’t
Take care and time for yourself
Thank you for replying
Joanie x
Hi Jem
Thank you for replying it’s all so difficult
He did try AA a good few years ago
He bought the key ring learnt the prayer but wouldn’t do the hard work
And lost his driving licence which made attending meetings ‘difficult’
I am a very strong woman and have had many challenges in my life
My son has his good points and can work to get what he wants
But he is always looking for the easy option and won’t face up to who he his and work to stop the binge drinking
He hasn’t had a drink in the last 8 weeks
But only lasts a few days if I leave him
I’ve gone home 150 miles away and he buys huge amounts of drink (18 bottles of wine )
It’s blackmail to keep me here
But in November he went too far and it nearly killed him he was ill in hospital
His heart rate was 160+
It took me nearly 3 weeks to get him better
It’s an impossible situation he’s 49
He lives in the Swansea area
Sorry for the rambling
I hope you are getting somewhere with your son
Joanie x
Hi all
The post on this thread after Christmas have been difficult to read
The pain and misery of the mums on here makes me so sad
We all walk the tightrope of hope and despair
Clinging to any chink of light
The mums that have lost their boys must rerun all the events up to when it happened
I know I play out what I would do if my son dies from his behavior
But the rawness on here is unimaginable
I think if bereavement counselling is available it would be helpful
I’m back at my sons house with him
It’s comfortable and he is still sober
I’m letting him go out and shop and do things on his own
He is fine not had a drink
He was due to continue his counselling
But he may have to wait months for another referral as the funding had stoped and started again in the new year
He had 4 sessions and it looks like he might be back to square one
How can this happen his anxiety levels are high again
Awaiting a call to day to find out
I don’t want to be here but can’t leave
I hoped he would be able to start going out and meeting people as he has no friends but here in Wales the restrictions are high
Praying for peace for us all
Take care of yourself
Joanie x
Hi Georgie
I’m so sorry you are going through this with your son
They really don’t know the truth from fiction
And trying to reason with drug or alcohol
Addled people is an impossible task
I know what it’s like to juggle all those balls pretending everything is ok while doing normal things like the wedding and the meal
Is a pressure cooker waiting to explode
This site is great for venting all the things you want to say to your son
But can’t
I’ve have said some awful things to my alcohol son
They make you into people you don’t recognise
And then when they are hurt or in trouble
Or done something really bad
Your go back to help them
My son got caught asleep in his car 4 and half times over the drink limit
He wasn’t driving but he had the keys
He had to go to court and ask me to write a character reference for him
I sat with that piece of paper and couldn’t think of one good thing to say about him
He hired a barrister because he thinks money can buy everything
He was definitely facing jail
I wrote a pack of lies
He evaded jail
He lost his licence
But walked away
Is he still drinking …. Yes 4 years later
I hope things get better for you
Try to hold on to who he was before the drugs
You have the right to have a life
These are adults that we are dealing with
The post on here are very helpful
Take care of yourself
Hugs
Joainie
Hi cess
It’s very scary seeing your son self destruct
My son has been like that since 16 he 49 now and made my life miserable
I should have been harder on him from the start I did threaten to put his photo up in all the off licences when he was 15
He always look older than he was
He has never towed the line he has always been out of control it was girls money or drink or just doing what he wanted and never a thought for anyone
He joined the navy at 16 at all that did was teach him how to drink
I think is a fault in their genes he’s has an
Addictive personality
Fast forward to now 2 wives later
Lost homes due to debt lost relationships due to drink
He’s lost everything and now he’s still using me as a crutch
My only advise is to get help for yourself
And be as hard as you can with him
I’ve enabled my son and it’s made him worse
It’s hard you don’t want him to fail or be in trouble but the more you cover or make things right the easier you make it for him to be the way he is
I wish I’d been stronger I’m 69 now his latest thing is binge drinking he’s been in hospital 5 times this year
It’s horrible to see him wrecked being sick looking like a homeless person
I live 150 miles from him and I’ve been up and down the country all year
My life revolves around his actions
I’ve been with him for the last 7 weeks
He’s sober but as soon as I go he will be back on the booze
All us mums on here do what we do because we love our sons /daughters
Sorry for rattling on
Wish I could be more help
Be kind to yourself
Hugs
Joanie x