[joanie59]

Hi

I’m sorry you are struggling with your sons alcohol addiction

I only joined this site in October

After many years dealing with my sons drink problems

It’s so hard to cope with

I’ve been enabling him and sorting his life out picking up the pieces all the time for him

I’ve bailed him out with money covered for him with work

Been there for his daughter when he hasn’t

We had time where we haven’t spoken for weeks

None of it has made any difference

He split from his second wife last year and now I’m tapped into being with him

After he started self harming

He’s 49

He has made himself ill with binge drinking now he has lots of medical issues

You could try talking to your son about his health

But the only person who can stop him is himself

He’s young so hopefully other influences

Will help

I’m sick of hearing those words but I’m afraid they are true

He may find himself a long way down the rabbit hole before he stops

My advise is to be kind to yourself

He’s is an adult

My son has made me so unhappy

But I won’t give up on him

But it comes at a cost to my health my relationships my bank balance and my other son and his family

Good luck

I have found this site very helpful

Joanie ???? x

[joanie59]

Hi everyone

Hope you all manage to get though Christmas Day and Boxing Day

My son is still with me at my home and he has been ok I’ve hardly left him in over 7 weeks now

He’s helped me cook and joined in with the family having meals and playing cards and sipping cola

I wish I knew what was going on in his head

And how im going to get him to be on his own in his own house and working

His counsellor has funding for into the new year so im pinning my hopes on that

A 49 year old really shouldn’t be with his mum but it’s better that the binge drinking and wrecking his home

And ending up in hospital again

But I do feel im being held hostage by him

Is it selfish to want a life a holiday a relationship with my partner

Take care of yourselves finger crossed for a better new year for us all

X Joanie

[joanie59]

Hi to all the brave mums on this thread

The devastation these addiction cause is so sad

I like most of you are just getting through the days

It breaks my heart that our sons can destroy themselves

I am at my home with my son he is sober hasn’t had a drink for a good while now maybe six weeks I’ve lost track of the days really

He won’t drink while I’m with him

He has put weight on and has had 5 counselling sessions

It’s all very normal here but it’s a false sense of security

He can go from hero to zero overnight

He’s not working has a sick note until the 4/1

So there’s no pressure on him

We have been Christmas shopping

Visited a art gallery a Christmas market

Been out for meals with family

My partner even took him to a low key poker night last night

Which he loved

So he’s having a little holiday

Me I’m not sleeping the weight is falling off me my relationship is suffering

But I have to be grateful that he is ok

We have Christmas mapped out

I just want it to be over !

How can I get him to be on his own

It’s like having a cuckoo in the nest

His poor daughter is so unhappy

Not sure if I said this before

But her husband has left her with a 1 year old in favour of cocaine and a young girl

My son should be there looking after her

I can’t fight the fire on both these fronts

And now the Covid will probably have us all back in lockdown

I hope we can all find some peace over Christmas

And be kind to ourselves

Love and hugs to all x

[joanie59]

Hi SophiJack

They say that an addicts actions effect about 5/10 people it’s a knock on thing

We all end up in the wake of their actions

My granddaughter has a good counsellor

She had been with her husband since school he was a lovely man

Now I feel as if I never knew who he was

He’s had drugs delivered to there home and been taking them in the spare bedroom with a new born in the house

I’m trying to support her and my son

Who is in a bad way with binge drinking bouts

But we live a long way from them both

But he’s ok at the moment sober and with us for Christmas

I’m on high alert

I expect you know what that’s like

Probably best to do what’s best for you and the baby and prioritise that

Sending you love too

Joanie

[joanie59]

Hi SophiJack

I have a problem with a adult alcohol son

So I know what addiction can do

My granddaughter (my sons Daughter )

Has just had a baby and found out her husband had been using cocaine

And split from him

She only allows him contact with the baby when supervised by his parents or siblings

So I would imagine if your mums there it should be fine

I’m sorry for what you are going through

Joanie

[joanie59]

Hi to all the mums on this thread

Many of you have advised me to read it

It made me cry and also laugh in a few places

I too have a adult alcoholic son

And can relate to so much of this

Sometimes it’s not the despair its the hope that things will get better

That makes things even harder to handle

That is a quote from a film John Cleeves was in

My son is 49 and has been at various stages of drinking since he was 16

He joined the navy and all it did was teach him to drink

Even today I think that naval crew have a rum ration but now it’s larger

Now after 2 failed relationships

Its me that has the burden of caring for him

Its hell it’s ruining my life and my relationship with my partner of 36 years

Trying to get help is like walking through treacle

He’s two and bit weeks out of a serious bender

Which made him so unwell

We are now at the “I’m Sorry Stage “

I’ve been staying with him while hes recovering

Leaving my home friends and family

To put up with this nonsense

We are going back to my home for Christmas

He won’t drink while I’m with him

It’s like a hostage situation

But I’m hopeful again that this time he will be ok he is on antidepressants stomach pills

And diazepam to take the edge off

And has had 2 counseling sessions

I’ve contacted drugfam to get help for myself

All I can do now is prey we are off the merry go round

I so admire you brave mums

Fighting to protect your sons

Hope we can all have some peace

Joanie ????

[joanie59]

Hi February Marie

It’s great to be heard on this site

I do feel invisible mist of the time

My partner came back yesterday

We had a reasonable day

My son cooked and we managed to get some Christmas presents wrapped and packed ready to take to the post office

My son helped us with this which was ok

He’s not drinking and I know he won’t while I’m with him

I’ve told my partner that I can’t go on trying to live in two places

And him being here is putting me under too much pressure

Not sure of the consequences of that but felt it had to be said

We are going home with my son next week

He has spoken to his dad and told him everything which is a first

And has said he will go and see him while he is at ours

I will read threasa thread

Many thanks for your kind words

Joanie

[joanie59]

Hi lindyloo

Thank you for your kind words

I know I’m not ok

Family and friends have become fed up with me

They all say I have to let him get on with it as he’s is killing me

It’s beyond me to explain how I feel to them as they don’t understand

I have a long term partner

Im here with my son and he had normal stuff to do at home so I stayed here

Resentful that he left me to deal with it

And resentment has now turned to anger

He due back here tomorrow but to be honest is more pressure having him here

Our relationship is good but I don’t think it can survive this

Could be a difficult weekend

I will try to find a support group

I did go to Alanon but couldn’t take the religious side of it

Thank you again

Hope you are ok

[joanie59]

Hi Lindyloo

Thank you for your suggestions

He has been given a few numbers for support groups but he put them out of sight in the drawer and the madness continues

I can’t ask him about them until his physical health improves

He won’t drink while I’m here with him

We have been out today I left him getting a flu jab and nipped to the post office

When I came back he wasn’t there

My first thought was buying drink

But he was in a card shop buying a birthday card for his dad who has never helped him

I’m living on High alert all the time

He’s has also bought items to fill a hamper for the neighbour who sat with waiting for his last ambulance

I will be lucky to get a Christmas card from him

Its so hard being with a someone that cares so little for me or himself really

But has to try to save face and pretend

He’s some perfect person

Sorry for the rant

I feel so unimportant to everyone

I feel like doing a

Reggie Perrin leaving my clothes on a beach and disappearing

I don’t even like him I’m here out of misplaced duty and fear of what he will do if I’m not here

Thank you for replying

I hope thing are ok for you

Joanie

[joanie59]

Think I’ve replied instead of posted sorry

[joanie59]

Hi all

Things have become much worse

My son ended up back in hospital while I was in London celebrating my birthday

He was supposed to go to his daughters

But drank 18 bottles of wine instead

He has had gastroenteritis they stabilised him and send him home

Where he drank even more

We arrived back here on Friday where I washed him dressed him an got him in to see his gp

Who was helpful I said he’s self harming and needs urgent mental health help

He’s sober now and finally eating

But in a bad state very frail

It’s like Groundhog Day

Mmm only 4 weeks until Christmas

Still no call from the mental health team

I am exhausted

I’ve left the family that I love and love me to care for this user

Think it might be me that needs mental health help

He’s got me running around shopping for food he can eat getting sick notes from the dr and watching crap on tv with him

What can I do Joanie

[joanie59]

Thank you Lindyloo

I’m having trouble navigating this site

I can’t fine the thread you suggested

But will keep trying

My son has been with me for the last 3 weeks he’s sober and working from here

But is going home today

He has been very difficult and does a great job of making me feel uncomfortable in my own home

We had to bring him here after his last binge as I needed to be home

I have had breast cancer and my annual check up was due also had flu jab apt

The stress has been unbearable

He through up all the way home in the car

It took over 5 hours

So it was a good few days to recover

He has a week chest from the drinking

And needed antibiotics

As usual it’s all about him

My partner of 35 years is an absolute rock but this episode has made us row a lot I don’t know what to do

How to handle things when he goes I’m constantly checking my phone to see if he has been on WhatsApp

He has days off next week to visit his daughter and her baby he let her down on going for the latest binge

Her husband has recently left her

He is having an affair and taking cocaine

A nicer man you couldn’t wish to meet

Kind funny they had been together 10 years

Obviously I’m worried about her but she lives even further away

How do I handle him from a distance ?

It’s my birthday next week we are due to go to London for a few days

I feel exhausted and scared to go for fear of what he will be doing

There are only people on this sight that would understand

Jb

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