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jorge15Participant
Sorry for the rant. I don’t know if anyone will read this. I just needed to say this, cos I don’t think I’ve got any chance of getting what I need, but if I can help someone else, then at least my.pain won’t be for nothing.
jorge15ParticipantI’ve been reading through a lot of other people’s posts. Seem to be a hell of a lot of posts by the people living with a coke addict. Its a scary thing, and it seems to be almost as big as smack was in the 90s. But it’s more dangerous, cos.no one had a cheeky hit of smack in the pub toilet and still had a banging night out. Come sneaks up on you. It took 20 years to.get hold of me.
But I have some advice for everyone living with an addict.
First of all. You have to decide whether you are going to see it through or not, From the beginning. The drama of you leaving in the middle means you might as well not have bothered in the first place.
Second of all, I can’t stress this enough, they may stop, and they may be doing really well, but there is still a good chance they will wobble. DONT MAKE THEM FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. Think of coke as beer. If someone is an alcoholic, and one night at a party, they have a few beers. You wouldn’t jump.on them and go mental, you’d probably ask them how they feel about it and tell them, it’s ok, it’s only one night, let’s just keep going.
Come is the same times 10.
If you want the old them back. You need to support them, not attack them, and they need to feel.comfortable enough to tell.you everything.
Also. Understand, that months down the line, they are still addicts. 5 months after being clean, my wife put 20k into my account because “she didn’t trust herself not to spend it” I tried to tell.her I didn’t want it, but I was too scared to tell her it was because I was scared I’d spend it on coke.
What I’m trying to say, is it will only work if you do it together, trust me, he is going through worse then hell, If it wasn’t for my kids, I’d be down there already and seriously relieved that I wasn’t living this torture any more.
Work together and use your brain, you can probably trust him with anything, except, you will never again be able to trust him with drugs and money. You need to come to terms with that.
jorge15ParticipantYeah first of all. If he has put it in your drink and you’re sure he has. Get out of there. That’s dirty and not forgivable.
But, I guess there are other ways you could have been positive. Could he have tampered with the test?.
Let’s assume that he didn’t do anything wrong. Cos that’s a different story. If you love him, and he’s a good bloke, really.a good bloke, then please praise him for how well.he has done. He will slip up, he’s trying to get off one of the most addictive substances in the world. If you really want to support him,.creat an environment where he feels.comfortable to tell.you when he’s done it. Maybe not at the time but a few days later. Then just talk to him about what made him want to do it. I’m pretty sure that he just really wanted to enjoy himself with you, and in the back of his head he wasn’t sure whether he could without it. So without even really making a conscious decision he got some and did it. Talk to him. Find those triggers with him. And make a plan for it. Never listen to him when he says he’s all good and no it thinking about it. He is , trust me he is. But if hes managed to be clean for months, that’s massive. Shows he really wants it.
He will have wobbles, but to have someone that will understand rather then chastise is the kind of thing that most of us dream of.
jorge15ParticipantSpeak to your go about your mental health and be as honest as you can. They might be able to give you something that can help in the short term.
jorge15ParticipantI can tell you from experience. There is almost no way he owes that much to anyone. The biggest likelihood is that he owes a small amount to someone. And he thinks that buying drugs with the rest and selling it is how he is going to pay you back. Don’t give him the money, and call the police at the first sign of any trouble, which there probably won’t be.
jorge15ParticipantI can only offer you this advice. Separate the idea of whether you want to leave him from his drug problem. If you take the drugs away, would you be happy.
If the answer is yes. Then try to work with him. Ask him when he’s not high, does he honestly want to stop or is he happy to carry on as he is. If you’re going to stay and help him. Try to sit down with him and make a plan. But I mean a real detailled one. Work out how much help he needs and how much control he is willing to give you. And the biggest thing, make him feel comfortable with telling you when he does do it. If he feels like he is being judged he will just hide it
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