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Mood swings and extreme lows go hand in hand with that drug. You are not to blame at all so please don’t internalise that. He needs to lay off the gear (his probably on a come down) so the receptors in the brain get back to a normal level.
What he should be doing is calling his local drugs service and telling them he has a problem with drugs instead of abusing women. Harsh but true.
I’ve tried the supportive approach and I ended up unwell mentally. I ended up having to leave to save myself and my girls from all that darkness. I guess what I’m saying is he is responsible for his life, behaviours and thought process. If he is feeling unwell then he should go to the hospital. He is a grown ass man!
If you’re that worried call the police so they can do a welfare check on him. All you do is call police say what he has said to you and that you want them to do a welfare check. That way it removes risk from you
Cocaine = devil drug. Absolutely hate it.
Anyways, I’m sorry you’re going through this, I can sense how much you enjoy{ed} this man and being a couple. It’s such a shame to hear this, and I’m sure you are at a loss as to what to do.
I’m pleased you’ve decided not to partake in substance misuse anymore.
Unfortunately we could bang on all day and say what we want and how we are affected, however he needs to want to get the help and change for himself. Self motivation beats addiction hands down.
You can read my story if you like by clicking on my name. I understand how this can damage people and destroy relationships.
Try to look after yourself and focus on you and the pregnancy, else you will be brought into HIS chaos.
If he wants help then he would need to contact his local drugs service. Details can be found on the homepage here also.
Keep safe and keep talking
Perhaps because you allow him to keep coming back :. Perhaps ask why you keep allowing him to do so and go from there. Focus on you, it’s so easy to get wrapped up in the chaos, but believe me nothing changes with words but actions. So now I watch what people do and not so much what they say!
There’s a saying “no one is ever to busy, it all depends on what number you are on the priority list”. No truer words said, especially when it comes to the drug. Always wins hands down.
It’s as though we fight a losing battle. They have to want to go to war (that’s with themselves, and not with us).
Basically we can’t change them and to be honest I wouldn’t want that burden – do you?
It’s one hell of a rollercoaster and white frankly a dangerous one. ????
I think to protect yourself you will probably be better to remove yourself to save yourself if that makes sense. I was dragged into very destructive chaos which left me broken, confused and a shadow of myself which wasn’t even mine, yet because of all the blame, lies and nastiness it felt as if it was my issues also.
It all depends what you are prepared to accept. In the end I was cheated on, blamed, lied to and the list goes on so I had to get out.
It really was hell, and mine had no intentions of stopping. Cocaine us the devil drug and completely destroys people. It makes me sick when I think about what I went through and still going thru.
On the other hand you might hear stories whereby people try to support and stick with all the abuse, chaos and lies etc, think carefully about this one. The addict needs to self motivate and want to want the help to recover if not you’ll be banging your head on a brick wall. In others words nothing you or anyone can do or say will stop the addict. That’s how powerful that drug is.
These people become monsters.
Al Anon is another support for people who are affected by someone else’s addiction. Speak to friends and family and please make sure you put some firm boundaries in place should you stick around.
Best of luck
Best of luck buddy ????
Anytime, it’s always nice to hear something positive. Keep going ????
Sounds like we are in the same boat as my ex partner hasn’t seen our kids since Xmas and now the text messaging has stopped. It does feel as though they don’t care and it makes me feel upset/angry. Our eldest just got her exam results and has he asked – Nope. Shameful. I agree nothing would stop me seeing my kids either.
These people have chose their paths now so let them get on with it. If sniffing drugs and sleeping about, along with having mental lapses floats their boat so be it. Sad existence that and all very superficial.
I guarantee one thing though, when the party is over I won’t be around to pick up his sorry self.
Always here if you need to chat
How’s everyone doing?
Good for you well done. Really pleased for you
Wow I just read this and was completely gobsmacked! How are things now? I’ve been thru hell myself over the years, particularly the last six months. Something about your story resonates with mine. My story is on here somewhere!
I am so sorry that you’ve been through all this, and to think you stayed to try to help him over the years. You mentioned you used to be happy and independent, and now all of that you now have to build back up. Well, that’s what I think has clicked with me reading your story, as I feel like a completely different person. Self esteem and confidence is at an all time low and I’m so scared I’ll be this person now. I am literally scared of everything, and because of all the lies, Betrayals and treatment I have just gone silent. The pain of it all is ridiculous.
I hope things are better for you now.
I agree life with a cocaine addict is no picnic. It will literally destroy you in every which way. I had to leave also and what’s left behind is a trail of destruction and pain.
They are manipulative, so all this about giving up bla bla is all in the action. If they want to give up then they will do something about it, however that drug always seems to drag them to the hell they put their loved ones thru.
Run miles away and never look back. People have said to me before that cocaine is the devil drug, it changes people into monsters.
Makes me sick even thinking about what I’ve been thru
Morning Steve, doing great – good for you. Have great weekend too
Awww sorry to hear you’re feeling low, but you still hold onto hope so good on you. You’re doing so well Steve
Thank you for sharing with us, it’s not easy to put your story out there , however I’m hoping it gives you some comfort sharing and connecting with others.
It sounds as though youve tried to support your wife in every which way, however she would really need to want to get the support she needs
Have you thought about getting some support for yourself? Al Anon is a great place to start. They help people affected by someone else’s substance misuse.
I’ve been through hell, my story is on here if you click on my name. It’s not the same substance, however I think we all share similarities when it comes to addiction, heartache and pain.
I eventually did leave for my own sanity. I ended up having a break down. I am stronger these days (six months) on, but the affects leave a bitter taste.
Have you got a local Alcohol service around? Would she consider giving them a call perhaps?
Sending you big hugs and strength
Have you spoken to the doctor about the obsessive behaviours? Could be something underlying going on there.
As for the reward, have you explored much about cocaine addiction? Cocaine acts by binding to dopamine – reward pathway. That might explain alot, so it’s worth doing some reading.
Being moody and shut off could be “cravings” so it’s best starting to understand what they are and working out strategies in dealing with them
All of what you’ve said is understandable, and well done for trying to manage this alone. Have you not thought about going to your local drugs service for additional support?
It’s good you’re reaching out and trying, however you might want to work out what drove you to use in the first instance and go from there.
I would recommend going for some additional help.
Keep going
If he don’t come and see you within that time what will you do? Ah Daydream you deserve better than that! I think it’s madness the way we wait about – I did for so long. In the end for me it was anger – I was furious at the way he treated me and I just wanted to make it right. Sort of like healing a wound and putting a plaster over it.
I think Louise is probably right in some way about them always being ok. Partly because that drug makes people selfish and full of ego! Arrogant even. Well, one day they will wake up from the sh*t storm they’ve created and they will fall! Then let’s see them get off the floor.
Knowing me I’d probably be there to help but I’d never go back to that!