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Dot, it’s good to hear you’ve taken positive steps in your recovery and still continue to do so. Hope you and the kids have a good time in Blackpool. Well done.
Daydream, hope you’re doing alright ✋and you Louise
Ah Lucy I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s absolutely heartbreaking. I was with my partner for 22years and something similar happened to me (and our two girls). If you click on my name you can read my story. I’m six months down the line, and although I’m heartbroken, I’ve got alot stronger. I’ve had all the “not in love” and ” don’t want this anymore” but the Truth is I don’t think these men know what they want. I’d not listen to all that noise and definitely don’t blame yourself, like I did, as that caused me to have a break down in the end. I was in a bad place, but as cliche as it sounds it does get better gradually day by day.
It’s really scary but what helped me was trying to focus one day at a time. I know that’s easier said than done but when everything is so up in the air and our lives spin out of control, especially with some big changes ahead it’s easy to get caught up with anxiety and sadness.
I’m here if you need to talk.
Sending you hugs ❤️
Ah you sound like you’ve taken as much as you can, and you definitely deserve better than this. I think in the end it gets to the point where you have to shift your focus on to yourself otherwise you end up losing you in all this. And let’s face it the behaviours that come along with addiction is just so erratic and unhealthy. I just noticed I got so stressed my mental health took a nose dive. We ain’t rehabilitation centers for these people! He, like my ex partner needs professor help, but that’s if they truly want it. Sadly, we wasn’t his rock bottom – he just left when I asked him too and doesn’t even bother with his children. Obviously, the drug lifestyle and addiction is too much of a strong hold. I’m sick of thinking about his recovery when mine and my kids are as important.
Keep talking and be kind to yourself
While his on drugs I’d say it’s a good idea to shift your focus yeh. Things can be brighter but in my experience it’s when the “fog” disappeared. That’s my own thinking. Probably this happens Because we’re left hurt.
I dunno about you but I’d struggle if I’d sent a message then received nothing back. It’s like self torture. Maybe you could be less available and then watch him come running. And he always comes back because you are always there. But what if you weren’t? He defo needs a bit of a reality check and although it may hurt you it will benefit you and you take your power back
Same here, I’ve been blamed, shamed and accused of being out of order by his family because I asked him to leave the home after finding out about his recent cheating! I wouldn’t mind but he told me all about his sordid night with a stranger In front of our daughter.
Brings me to tears even remembering all of that.
I do know I deserve better and at the moment taking it one day at a time.
I think all of their nastiness is a projection of how ugly they are on that stuff. I can’t even look at my ex he makes me sick!
Oh I’ve been through so much hell I almost feel broken down. I totally lost myself in all this crap. I’ve been talked to In the worse way imaginable, and cheated on with some old women. It makes me feel so low and knocked my self esteem to sh*t. I used to be so confident, and I want to get back to that.
Louise im absolutely terrified of meeting someone new but I know one day I will – good for you. I really don’t want what he did to us ruin my future and I definitely don’t want to be alone forever.
I’m in the same boat also, the familiarity is scary. You could literally be writing about me and my now ex partner. Our lovely little family has been torn a part and I’m also left bewildered and low in my mood. It’s awful and really stressful.
I got all the “not in love with you anymore” and “we wasn’t happy bla bla” news to me! But that’s all the coke talking. It changes them into asshxxes!
I agree Louise it is a waiting game but sadly it could take years and I’m not going to hang about. I’m trying to focus on me now, and recover from the hell I’ve been through, along with supporting our girls who by the way he don’t bother with anymore!
It’s so sad.
Plus, these people ain’t Happy! I get what you’re saying tho but anyone who has to take drugs to “live” a life aint Happy so don’t be thinking’s that. If anything they’re probably miserable most of the time, sat with shame, disgust etc which is why they use constantly!
Oh no well I use melatonin which knocks me out. Maybe research them. They’re natural.
Wishing you well in your recovery. We are here if you need to talk. Take care
Thanks Steve and glad to hear you’re doing alright. Can you get something for sleep? I’m sure it will right it self in time though.
Nah that’s not insane, that would mean I am also. I think it’s normal, maybe we all do it to some degree. Of course you’d prefer the person you invented because it came from you.
I’m glad you’ve given it three months though, even though personally addiction/recovery don’t work well with time. Honestly you don’t wanna be on this rollercoaster ride for to long because then you would possibly go insane.
Hope you’re alright Steveo ????
I think a big part of us wants it too. We want them to change so it kind of merges with our own expectations and desires. It’s sad really because we want them to be the people we know that can be. But, I’ve come to learn that I romanticise alot from my own perspective – rose tinted glasses an all that. In other words I think I invented a version of him up myself. Hard to explain but I’m sure you get the gist of what I’m saying.
I’m sure he is thankful and perhaps even meant what he was saying, but they change so quickly from one minute to the next. It’s scary. It’s as tho they press the “fxxk it” button and boom!
Ah when you say that about spreading the texts etc that makes me sad ???? that’s kinda sweet but sad for you.
I hope you get what you need and deserve, whether from him or not. Whatever you do don’t let others pass you by hanging about for him.
Perhaps you could talk with the practice manager at the surgery. I work closely with GP’s and often they would refer people to substance misuse services to manage not only the pharmacological side of things but also the psychological. Sounds as though you’re now in the right place/direction.
Remember you are not responsible for how someone treats you (that’s their behaviour) you are only responsible for your reaction to the situation. Could be she/he was having an “off day” – we all have them right? No one’s perfect. Could be she/he was directive in an approach – doctors can come across and clinical and work with outcomes etc so might have lacked empathy. When you’re going in there talking about personal stuff and being brave you probably expected some support. Or she/he was just poor practice – who knows. But, perhaps move on now, share the experience and focus on you.
Well done though for getting the support you need. Not an easy journey to go through and defo not cold turkey! All the other stuff is noise that will affect your recovery.
Good luck to you
I hope he sorts himself out. It’s always hopeful to hear them talk about change, but one thing I’ve discovered over the years is to watch what they do and not what the say.
Sounds like you really like this person, I just hope he knows how lucky he is having you waiting around for him and holding all this hope. It’s adorable, but please be careful. You do deserve way better