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Oh I’ve not heard about GP’s having weekly appointments arranged, either way that’s pretty impressive. Usually that would be the drug and alcohol services that check in weekly, or perhaps social prescribing. Sounds as though he is dipping his toes in water which is a good sign.
All the things he said he enjoys, coke and girls etc are all superficial and that’s a neverending pit. Be careful you could still get hurt in all this! It’s probably going to be a long road ahead.
Hey TottiG,
I’ve read your story, and didn’t want to read and go. First off, I’d like to acknowledge just how brave you are to share with us on here and I hope you get the support you need. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it’s been for you, it sounds like hell – and I’ve been through my own kind of hell with my now ex partner and that drug!
I do understand what you mean about losing everything, as I think I’d feel the same way. I think you have to weigh up what’s going to keep you sane and safe in the end. Can you change the locks when he is out, and get an injunction? Is the house in both names? Even so, it sounds as though he is abusive so that doesn’t even matter! Living life that way must be as though you’re walking on eggshells!
Luckily enough mine ran off when I asked him to leave and is horrible to me/us from a far. I remember those days when I’d get the anger, mood swings, blame, accusations, the stares and all the rest of it – it was as though he hated me! Made me feel confused and intimidating, so I can’t for one second consider how you must be doing, especially with the lockdown situation!
Have you told family and friends? I told everyone in the end, after hiding it for so long. I felt so alone prior to that. I kept believing all the lies that he’d change, but each day was the same. It’s heartbreaking! It’s been six months for me and he is still the same walking about blaming me etc. He is selfish/ they are selfish and so in the end I think it makes us internalise the situation! I’m definitely traumatized over it all and I think I always will be. My story is on here somewhere.
Take care. I’m here if you need to talk.
I absolutely agree with Moose55, cocaine destroys the person which filters down to family members and it is literally hell! I’ve been thru hell. My once loyal, lovely kind man is now a monster that no one recognizes.
Our relationship of 22 years completely broke down after months of using this drug. At first I didn’t know but it didn’t take long until I worked out something was very wrong. The lies, deceitfulness, mood swings, aggressiveness, blame, cheating etc was relentless.
Now, he is a shell of the man I knew. He started out apparently as a weekend user but now he is on that crap all the time.
God only knows what debt he has got into. Our family breaking up wasn’t his rock bottom which in it’s self is heartbreaking.
I ended up having a break down, lost weight, hair fell out and nearly killed me.
So yeh get help – seriously take note here. That drug is lethal and people on it find it hard to control or come off it.
Good for you Steveo
The problem with us empaths is we get hurt, as we give way too much to others and not to ourselves.
It’s not a nice message is it, it’s actually an awful way to speak to someone. It’s horrible when you like a person though, because I do think we “romanticise” what life could be like/what he could be like, but that’s the picture perfect image we form in our healthy minds – remember that!
This guy needs to sort himself out, and mainly because he wants to get better and live a life free from this drug and all it comes with. He probably enjoys the lifestyle, and I’m sure he is totally in his ego right now.
Even waiting for a text awww that’s sad, but it’s good you don’t get upset.
What holds you to him? I know for example I’m a bit of a care taker – always wants to fix something. You definitely deserve more than what this man is showing you. I can bet you’re a great person, and kind (strong tho), an empath probably. Please don’t wait about for someone who acts this way. If he really wanted to then he would change. He sounds manipulative and all this bull about other girls and you being the “end plan”. Yeh righto – you shouldn’t be anyone’s second best or back up plan because that’s how I’ve processed that one.
Let this one go and if it’s meant to be truly then it’ll come back anyway. Nothing that isn’t for us will slip through our hands.
Focus on you. At first all I did was think about my ex, but I’ve learnt to consider me and things improved gradually.
Best of luck to you. Keep us updated if you want to. Always here.
Ah bless you. You’re doing great but I agree with Rob maybe talking to a professional might help you manage some psychology triggers. Be nice to yourself, I know you miss your wife but for now focus on you and being the best version of yourself.
Hugs to you
Nothing you’ve done is your fault. And yeh living with an addict is hell! Literal hell.
Hope you’re doing alright – keep strong ????
I think we end up getting lost in their addiction and the what and where abouts of it all. It’s all so emotionally consuming isn’t it. Try not to get lost in all that chaos.
All that talk about “reality” is typical avoiding behaviour. I used to get the “poor me” crap all the time. I was so manipulated I didn’t even know what to think in the end.
It’s almost like a constant board game ????
What’s the symptoms? Can you buy some over the counter remedies? Are you going to quickly with the reduction? Who’s monitoring you with this.
Admire your determination
Oh well done ????. You’re welcome. Keep yourself safe and here if you need to talk
It’s really tough isn’t it. Have you tried asking him about his local Alcohol service, as they are all still working and most of them are offering virtual groups including AA and NA fellowships.
Sadly, like anyone addicted they have to want help. The trouble with alcohol is it’s a depressant so his low mood will only exacerbate his intake. I wonder if his key worker from the previous rehab would reach out? Worth a shot, to remind him what he can achieve?
All you can do is encourage him to seek support, and look after yourself.
He probably needs to tell his GP also for a Review of his health.
Best of luck ????
It’s all so confusing isn’t it. It’s like he doesn’t know what he is actually thinking. I get the “I need to work on myself” – that’s great, however I was always suspicious with such turnaround thinking with no action. Usually people just do it, and don’t vomit words.
Paying dealers? Sounds like his in it deep.
It is draining you’re right, and definitely don’t get lost in all that noise.
Good that you’ve reflected. Take care of those thoughts
Well keep going and be strong ????. Be nice to hear a positive outcome.