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Yeh my exes nose looked different. £4000 is so much money, it’s heartbreaking. How do you know he isn’t using currently? Have you tested him? I’m not saying that as I don’t believe you, it’s I wouldn’t believe him if that is what he is saying.
If he has spent that much and has damage like that and is not getting any support or little support then I can’t see it myself. I have never heard of anyone just being able to stop like that! And if it’s only been days or even weeks then that don’t really count in my opinion as “clean”. Id say minimum three to six months off it can count as clean time.
And what usually happens is an addict would substitute so he may switch to another drug like weed or alcohol to help.
I dunno maybe he is off it but I’m like the FBI when it comes to addicts!
Awww listen I’ve been going thru it for a while now and you’re just getting your head around it all so don’t beat yourself up! Always follow your gut instinct, and don’t be like me for a long time trying to turn a blind eye which I will say is out of fear of change. Basically I didn’t want any of it to be true. I drove myself mad.
All of what you say about having no money is of course driven by the drug use, debts etc. Cocaine is so expensive!
As for the snoring, well the thing is over time the method of using, up the nose will damage a person’s sense of smell and structure to the nose, can even lead to a collapse of the nose so yeh it can affect snoring etc.
Typically this sort of behavior is due to “come downs” so I wouldn’t be so quick to think he isn’t using. He may well not be but what id suggest in that case is to ask him if he’d agree to drug testing and do it weekly or every four days at least. When I did this I still got lied to even when the test was positive. Lying is ridiculous! I think they probably Believe their own lies – DENIAL!
If he is treating you this way when he isn’t using id be suspicious ad to why. On top of that I think you’ll always wonder and worry if he is using or not and that’s no way to live.
As for the Jekyll and Hyde, having a two-sided personality – one side of which is good and the other not so is all warning signs of drug use.
Please detach from all that blame as that’s all projection and an attempt to wear you down. You’re not crazy and all the rest of it that’s spills from his mouth, his an addict period! Alot of the time these people defend, deny and blame to shift your focus from them to you because they simply don’t was to deal with their issues.
As for motivated or lack of yes my ex partner in the end was lazy, rude, unreasonable, and distant.
The thing with this drug it cannot coexist with another healthy person, unless this person “puts up”. Essentially this is what they want because they just don’t want to stop using.
In the end I think mine was probably using at least four times a week. Ended up whilst we was all in bed, so not even a social thing! That’s when you know it’s bad when they use in the home alone, in the car/van or anywhere actually alone.
It’s affects everything, work, relationships, behavior, mental health the lot. In the end he became a shell – nothing behind the eyes, just cold, emotionless carcass.
They love cocaine – at first, then hate it then love it. In essence they’re in a relationship with the drug.
The drug affects their brain which affects the way they think, feel and behave. Unfortunately cocaine seems to win hands down every time. I’ve heard all the lies and all the sob stories and excuses. It’s all just noise. It’s in the action, and by that I mean they need to be actively attending meetings, drug services and anything to get themselves better again. Also, they need to learn about triggers, cravings and coping strategies, but sadly that’s alot of effort and mostly people don’t do all of this until they are ready to change. And that could be when rock bottom becomes a basement and then some.
I’ve mostly read about loss, how this drug will take everything from a person and they end up with nothing!
Maybe it just “clicks” one day for them and they have enough! But like I say that could take years and a hell of a lot of motivation from self.
That’s the thing, addicts have skills, unhealthy skills to mask, manipulate healthy people. But then the addiction eventually rears its ugly head. Be kind to yourself and do not blame yourself or listen to any of the nastiness that spills from their mouths as that’s to wear you down. Next it will be you’re crazy bla bla or blow it out of proportion etc but that’s BS.
A life with a cocaine addict is not one you want and if this is a fairly new relationship then I’d think about you and you’re future and what you want. It’s hell and hard work supporting one! Ultimately it’s down to him tho.
Yep this is the behavior, the blame, criticism and nastiness. It’s all deflection. You are strong as am I but it’s a shock, huge one. Betrayal is the begining of hell. Lies, sleeping alot and all the awfulness that comes along with it. Unfortunately it sounds as though he has gone now. To get the balance back to the brain takes some time, but the pull of that drugs seems to be stronger than the will of these people. You will notice how selfish they become. I’m sorry you feel let down I really am, as I do know what you are going through, it’s awful and scary.
I’m always here if you need to talk.
You still love the person, but not the addict (behavior), always drum that into your head. Well, sleeping is a sure sign. Other signs include, running nose, almost mimicking cold like symptoms, dilated eyes, talkativeness, secrecy, mood swings, anger, and the lack of emotions! That’s the biggy the complete loss of emotions! Depression follows, amongst other signs.
You would not really know if an addict has stopped if you’re listening to what they say, the only way to know is to watch out for the behaviors as listed.
I hope you are one of the very few that make it I really do, but in all honesty I would not hold you’re hopes up to high. What follows are the relapses and that can just be as awful. Trust your senses. Get some support from Al Anon as they help people like us that are affected by another person substance misuse.
I’m a strong person but honestly this broke me and so I would strongly urge you to speak out to all support available to you. You will need the help and guidance.
When it finally broke me was when I found out he went home with a stranger and had unprotected sex with her and decided to tell me all of the details of the sordid encounter in front of one of my daughters. That was when I knew he hit an all time low and enough was enough. On top of that the lies was relentless and the blame. After my mum died of cancer he was looking at porn. Now this is a man who was loyal and loving. I lost him to that drug. He changed, cocaine changes their character completely. What’s heartbreaking is that we was not his rock bottom so prepare yourself for that reality. He lied to my face initially but call it women’s instinct I just new. Betrayal comes hand in hand with that drug but I suppose you have to face up to whether you want to excuse the behavior or if you’re worth more than that bs. And you definitely are worth more. It would have gotten alot worse and it will.
It’s awful the longer you stay, in fact it’s just devastating whatever way round you look at it.
One thing I will say is that if you stay keep yourself safe and keep talking to others. Do not hide behind THEIR shame. Because it’s their shame and not yours. Despite what you feel do not isolate yourself.
Good afternoon. Really sorry to hear more stories of how this awful drug cocaine has been destroying families and relationships. Cocaine really is the road to ruin. I absolutely hate the drug, loathe it in fact. Long story short, I lost my kind, loyal, loving family man to this drug. He is no longer none of that, and in truth if they don’t get the help they need then you can bet your life on it they WONT stop or be the person you need them to be. Cocaine is a powerful drugs and seems to transform people into monsters. I’ve read alot about how the drug affects the brain, so it might be worthwhile doing some research to understand the substance.
Beware for the constant lies, deceitfulness, betrayals, mood swings, blame and damn right nastiness.
If these people don’t get help then I’d say “get out” because they will bring you down into their destructiveness.
How to deal with an addict is simple, you can’t! Accept that you are powerless over THEIR addiction and you’re half way there. You can only focus on YOU now. Detach from their behavior and all the rest of it and begin to focus on yourself and what you want in your life and believe me it’s not this life.
Like I say I was with my partner for 22 years – good years. Two lovely girls with a fairly good life but he chose cocaine – cocaine will always win unless they want help, and even then it’s a long road to recovery!
Wish I had better and more positive things to say, however very few make it after revealing this devil drug.
And 4000 on one credit card – sounds like he has it pretty bad to me.
Just bear in mind an addict will tell you what you want/ need to hear in terms of “wanting to stop” but it’s all bs… It’s all in recovery and hard work so if they are lying about sessions and not attending CA etc because “it’s not for them” then there’s your answer! They ain’t motivated to stop yet!
Good luck people and remember you deserve better than this!
Sorry to hear you are all going thru this. Unfortunately the two substances go hand in hand. Crack is very addictive, which would explain the disappearing acts. What would be more alarming is that she is putting herself and others at risk of this nasty virus, so I would urge you to protect yourself and the children. She would then need to make the decision to stop using, however I am very aware how difficult getting off these drugs can be, especially if she is not attending any psychological interventions coupled with the buprenorphine. I hope she has some Naloxone to help minimise any overdosing behaviors.
My advice would be to focus on you and the children.
As for the people she is hanging about with, they aren’t friends at all, however sometimes they can be if benefit especially if she is using. It’s always best not to use alone. Take good care
Hey, how are things for you now? Unfortunately this drug changes people characters so much that they become unrecognizable. It’s awful and I’m sorry you are all having to go through this, especially with what’s going on In the world right now.
Sadly tho, the drug will always come first! Family rarely wins, unless he uses that as an external motivator to get help. In other words he has to want help. Sometimes that can takes years. The pull of that drug is just to powerful and he would require support from professionals.
The only thing I can suggest is to get in contact with Al Anon – they’re a service which helps families that are associated with someone taking substances. They helped me to “take a step back” and focus on myself, because believe me your husband will pull you down into their chaos.
Cocaine is a destructive drug which is the road to ruin. It absolutely ruined my family and I’m still picking up the pieces.
I’m here if you need to talk
Hi there,
Sorry to hear about your situation. I would encourage him to discuss this with his GP in order for him to get either a referral to a specialist drugs service and or regime for a reduction plan. He would need to reduce gradually to avoid withdrawal symptoms which for him would be awful. It’s not just a psychological addiction but a physical dependency going on here. Does he admit he needs help?
It sounds like you’re going through it a bit and I’m sorry to hear this. I hear this time and time again, and I am also going through a similar situation myself. Unfortunately he sounds as though he is on it pretty bad if he is using every other day. To be honest he has to want to stop, and engage in a recovery programme (CA meetings etc). It’s such an addictive drug I’m afraid he would need a lot of determination and motivation, but that drug is literally the devil as it’s pull is so strong.
I don’t think any of us deserve this sort of treatment, which means you deserve better. You must be so exhausted with it all.
He probably needs to hit rock bottom, and to be fair that may not even be losing his family – addicts are selfish and nothing comes before the cocaine.
Cut your losses and run for the hills