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Good for you. Glad life is more positive for you now. It’s good you reach out and help others, takes courage that.
I’m alright, suffering in this heat. I’m probably the only person who prefers cold weather ????????
Sorry to hear what you’re going through. I’d suggest having a read on here which may give you some insight from others (wives/partners etc). Everyone is different, and every relationship is different, however that drug cocaine is the devil drug and from what I know of it and in my own experience it just literally destroys people and their families!
I went through hell! Actual hell and ended up having a break down trying to support/stick with an addict (cocaine). They turn into monsters! If he wants to get help and change then good for him and you, and I hope it lasts! But he’d need to be in some sort of robust programme for support! Cravings for that drug is ridiculous!
Have a read up about it – also some good information on YouTube about the affects of cocaine etc.
Best of luck and take care because you’re gonna need it.
How you doing BT1978?
Leave If you’re unhappy with her choices. Doesn’t sound as though she is willing to give up her “only device” which is BS by the way. As for her saying she isn’t addicted, well that’s not uncommon for addicts to state this! It’s called denial! Avoidance or whatever viewpoint you want to call it.
You are not in control of her life but you are in control of your own, so make some decisions about what YOU want. If this is affecting you as badly as you say then it’s time to walk away and live a life free from something you dislike! Let her go and smoke her tree and get on with it. It will only destroy her in the end!
Sadly lapse/relapse is part and parcel of addiction. I’ve never known an addict that hasnt lapsed or relapsed at some point. Sorry for your upset, it is frustrating.
The Taking personally thing is because you hold him in your heart, and where there is love there is always forgiveness. You forgive him! That’s my take on that! Because I do the same, but although you’re right the other guy did take advantage with an understanding of what’s happened to you, he really is only in your head and not your heart!
Heartbreak and disappointment has to be the saddest thing really! With heartbreak lies, sadness, confusions, loss of hopes and dreams, love, excitement, encouragement and all the rest of it and so when all of that is removed, a part of you gets removed with it. That my friend is why you should guard your heart, and give it to the one who deserves it. Some people are like vulchers out there.
You won’t always be sad I promise that. You may look back and reflect but that will be fleeting and will pass with a sigh of relief
Totally agree with you, as he always does this when he is losing his perceived grip. Same ole cycle but nothing really changes. He doesn’t want me with anyone else.
I believe what’s meant to be won’t pass us by so you’re spot on there. We ain’t rehabilitation centers for these men. They should be good men by themselves.
I think yours will come back at some point but then it’s down to you what you do next, else like me you’ll stay on the cycle. It’s time to jump off the merry-go-round.
Don’t waste your sadness on this guy, and focus on you now. I’m not planning on falling for this again
Weirdly he just called me all nice as you like. Telling me he is busy at work and still clean. Wants to see me etc. Sounds rough though. Keeps asking how I am ????
I think personally writing things down and reminding self helps but it keeps you thinking, which leads to the good memories! It’s those we hold onto more over the bad behaviour! Probably because it’s what we want!
I wish I didn’t have a type but I do, and it’s not always healthy. I have to do some work on me! This is crap! Drugs and women and a collapse in mental health! Nah thanks – as I say it out loud it sounds mad!
I’d like a kind hearted fella who treats me with respect and dignity! Where are they ????????
You’re right it is easier said than done, is exhausting and I’m pretty sure the brain recalls information, which sort a feels like an addiction in its self.
Rebounds Never work, despite people saying it does, especially if you’re sensitive and you want your feelings respected! Sounds like you’re well shot of that guy, he sounds as shady as the main one. I mean you did nothing wrong, and he continued the abuse. I always don’t talk about the things I’ve been thru etc, as sometimes some people see it as a green light to abuse you.
You don’t deserve any of it, and you haven’t done anything wrong. I think on some sort of level we attract ” a type”. Subconsciously perhaps we are “choosing” these fools. Again, some issues we have underlying.
I think maybe stay off Facebook for a while, give yourself a break.
As for my one, oh he is out there sulking or sticking two fingers up at me! Probably angry and cooking up some other angle as you say.
Yeh I get why you’ve screenshot stuff, wished I’d have thought of that previously! Saying that though I did keep a diary sometimes. I don’t even bother anymore with him and his lies and I think he knows it now. I am literally so pissed off I’ve sort said in my mind “I’m done”, not hurt, sad etc just done. With some anger.
There is nothing wrong with you! You’re hurt. I warned you not to go but hey ho what’s done is done! F*** that other fella he sounds like a t**t! Who does he think he is saying that and it ignoring you! Don’t go near him anymore luv!
I totally get it. I have tried so many times to get “unstuck” with my one and I’ve tried to talk to others etc but it always comes back to him. It’s as though I’m intoxicated. I guess it’s a case of we want what we can’t have – or the version we want.
I think we need to work on ourselves. Probably some psychological stuff going on. Mostly, that we deserve so much better – yet we want to rescue people who want to abuse us.
I can’t stop being fuming with him though, I’ve Never been angry for this long and he has gone silent now!
Someone warned me Friday to be careful trying to detach from him ????
Hi Harleyjane,
Really heartbreaking reading your story, but really glad you’ve reached out here.
Firstly, codependency is a behavioural problem and essentially a reliance on another for approval! Well, you’re his mother and so id say you are trying to help/love/protect your son, so that definition and the instincts of a mother would be hard to differentiate! Chuck a bit of fear into that mix also! The reality is, you’re dealing with an addict and that will consume even the strongest of us.
Alcohol and cannabis are both categorized as a “depressant” which affects memory and emotion, hence the decline in mental health! Cocaine on the other hand is a stimulant, which will make an individual feel happy, excited, awake and confident, but oh the risks associated are:
Depressed/ anxiety/ paranoid and so on an so fourth – typically Calling them “come downs”. So no wonder your son is suffering with his mental health.
Mixing substances just makes it all worse! Cocaine literally can turn someone into a monster!
I agree with BT1978 in that he would need to get some help/ and want it! Rock bottom sure does have a basement! Where addiction is there is always heartbreak!
What about if you asked him if he would agree to having a chat with your local Drug and alcohol service? “Just a chat”. Failing that, it’s a waiting game, very unfair one but he will have to experience that time when he thinks “enough is enough”.
In my experience, and through my own observations the “tough love” call very rarely works out positively! I’ve seen people die thru this way of intervention, and although not anyone’s fault, it nevertheless never ever leaves a person should this happen! And psychologically you never really switch off anyway.
You can learn new ways to cope however, Al Anon are a good support service to learn more.
Sending warm wishes and hugs. We know it’s not easy and we understand that you are going thru your own kind of hell. Things can change, take it day to day and try to hold onto your sanity. Look after yourself with lots of self care and whatever you do DONT BLAME YOURSELF! X
Yep mine is calling but he is also spinning so many lies I can’t think straight. I am always confused, which I’ve learned that that’s what they do to throw you off scent!
I’m exhausted! What have I always said “they do return” and he will. Mark my words he will come back with some elaborate storyline and you’ll be sucked in again, or at the very least get you thinking again.
It’s sad because of the unknown, the rejection and all the rest of it.
Seriously though look at what we’re getting sad over and what is exactly rejected. It’s laughable really.
As you can probably sense I’m still fuming.
He said his new job requirements are that he gets tested twice weekly, so he hadn’t used for over one week. That won’t last!
Called me again yesterday saying “you moan when I don’t call, now you moan when I do, I can’t win with you”. Got the hump and went again. Total wind up to see my reaction and he got it! All to gain control again.
As for your situation, well maybe that’s all fizzled out. Glad you’ve focused on something else, even if it is work.
Taking drugs in moderation? You mean recreational right! The trouble with this perception is firstly, “doing drugs for enjoyment” there is no enjoyment when you underpin substance misuse, so that line of thinking is destructive! Secondly, recreational use with a powerful substance such as cocaine hardly ever really happens! The problem is as I’m sure you’re aware that one always leads to another, and another and before you know it “boom” an addict is born!
Sounds like you’re living the dream right now, In a flat with two addicts ????. No wonder you’re unhappy, that sounds miserable to me. One year isn’t very long, however you’ve fallen in love with the guy, so the heart wants what it wants! Until he wants help though there’s not much you can do, and besides if you’ve dabbled with him then I’d say you’ve lost a bargaining tool here also, at the very least the moral high ground!
I’m sorry you’ve had it tough with your ex husband, I’m wondering whether or not that contributed to your choice in this man?
Time for healing and decisions for you.
Keep talking and more importantly please consider this as a turning point in your life. If he isn’t willing to get help then get out and focus on you. X
How you doing today? I’m fuming! Like I’ve had enough. Today, he talks about a girl he knows in general conversation with me! Trying to get a reaction! Then, I said “I won’t be in your life” then he says “yes you will” and kept saying it. He actually has this sense of entitlement. He could be a narc you know!! He then said “I might call you tomorrow or next well then hung up”. What a controlling assh**e