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Wow you need to stop looking at them, that’s torture! How are you even doing that, but that’s what is upsetting you! Listen F**k them and their smiles it’s all fake. Remember, this guy is a drug addict and so he isn’t happy, and I don’t give a f**k how much he/she smiles, that’s all just superficial!
That’s not happiness!
As for having fun, well that’s on you, so long as this sort of fun don’t end in regret and tears. I’m so not ready for that and the idea scares me, although I have offers also.
I will stand my ground, I have to really for my own sanity! I know I was fed lies and he is scared of loosing me, his told me that, but that doesn’t mean I’m his priority! Drugs are and that drug lifestyle! I can’t take all that, I feel wounded.
Even when they come back, they come back with an agenda, which is usually all about them.
Awww that’s really sad reading that, as I can imagine you’re holding all of your emotions together and that’s not easy. You’re capable of love and respect, along with honesty and decency, and at the moment he can’t give you or anyone that!
Love yourself first, as cliche as that sounds its so important! Because you are a lovely girl that deserves better.
Of course it’s hitting you, that’s what happens when they go away for so long! And I know it isn’t easy. As for th dating, I understand what you’re saying but what’s the rush? Are you in a right place emotionally to date at the mo! I’m not one for getting over one for the other and I’m not saying you’re doing that at all, just be careful, because this is your self worth here. And you are important.
As for them getting sorted haha mine called today, leaving voice messages and finally I spoke with him. Oh you wouldn’t believe the crap I’ve heard today. And I said we’ve ended and then he flipped one! Get the tears, begging and all the rest of it but I’ve stood my ground but he wants to see me face to face before he accepts it and will call me tomorrow and whenever I want ????????????????????????
I don’t want to be reeled back in so Maybe we can help one another out here.
I was enabling for years until I realized and that hit me in th face which was devastating for me and my family. So yeh I get it
Yes agree with you BT1978
Everyone’s experience is different, and that’s without the standpoint of children and subjecting them to hell as well.
I’d imagine you’re in the thick of it, and have struggled, but you don’t know what other people’s lives have been like whilst living with an addict so reading what you wrote just added insult to injury! Let’s say, we did all you suggested “for years” and it still got worse – then what? Shall we stay some more, destroy ourselves a lil more, have a break down a lil more? Because that’s the reality of it!
That’s why other places such as Al Anon offer no advice and or cross share, because addiction affects us all very differently!
I can’t even say anymore right now other than wishing you well In your own recovery!
You don’t need him just like I don’t need mine! I just wanted to be protected and loved and he did the complete opposite! Madness.
Give yourself time before dating though, otherwise reminense of him/them will be contaminating others. Well, I’m not interested in anyone else, and he knows it! Idiot!
Yep classic lines I know and what’s funny is it comes from someone he knows will tell me! What BS is that crap! About not using ????????. What, so when I’m gone he gives up! Haha joker’s.
Well, then you choose you now and take that choice away. The only way he can choose you is it you let him.
It really isn’t about you, even though it feels like rejection! He is selfish and uncaring and it’s that simple. I’ve set my boundaries and mine has apparently stopped using ????. We’ll see!
As for the other guy, well only if you want and not just rebound or an attempt to make you feel better! Be by yourself, you sound cool so enjoy being single for some time.
Look at it this way by him not picking you has done you a favour. You’re way to good for this sh*t. Take that choice away from him now because that’s you taking your power back!
I get what you mean about the worry of overdose and actually just general worry about their well being! It’s really sad that we can still care for these selfish men, and they basically s**t on us from a great height!
I think you should not spend so much time thinking about her and him because this is dangerous and it’s hurting you! Let’s face it, really you don’t know anything, other than assuming, and assumptions are the root of all f**k ups! We imagine the worst!
What he says about what his GP has said I think sounds like manipulation! Even if the GP did say it, to use that to shape a future with you and then do all this is just nasty! Don’t be mad at yourself though, as your feelings were genuine.
And you can’t be replaced so stop that. Stop putting yourself down! You are you and know one else is!
Glad you didn’t text him! Let him be! This idiot is disgusting and you really need to rid of them, he sounds awful and how he has treated you!
Course he is using, and she may be naive or just plain stupid. If she has kids why on earth would she bring someone like that in their lives. That’s actually concerning, unless he actually thinks alot of this women! If he is traveling so far then ????????
He is talking to others, and also in hotel rooms and in those rooms things are going down! So it’s all the proof you need!
You can wait about for him and even let him spin more lies, or you can “let him go”.
Maybe he is into deep with himself, addiction, women and all the rest of it! That’s not boyfriend material is it! You know this, as do I.
I got hooked because I liked the way he made me feel “special to him” but that’s crap! I wanted to believe it and I did on some emotional level, but deep down I knew it was more about my own issues (at play)!.
Come on these guys aren’t what we need but what we want and at some point we have to sit down to our own banquet and look within. You’re smart and so I know you’ll no what I mean here.
You are not like him! You are what you want him to be luv! Don’t confuse the two. X
All depends on how you view support? There is loads of support out there including, GP’s, MIND, Samaritan, Al Anon, Adfam, fellowships, meet people and so on.
Just because you feel alone, doesn’t mean you are and that is no reason to remain in a relationship that is abusive, because that’s what it is, and the affects on children can be devastating (my opinion).
If you do have zero support then I’d ask yourself why are you so isolated? How did this happen etc!
And breaking away from any relationship is HARD period!
Hmmm, this guy I doubt is laughing, as he is far to selfish to be considering anyone else. The sad reality is “he probably isn’t thinking about you whilst with her”. That’s harsh I know, it’s just plain wrong. But I bet that’s the truth of it.
She doesn’t know him, but she will in time and that will be another women fallen victim to his crap. The one thing is he is still using I bet so things won’t change. If he does change then how long will that even last for.
He sounds as though his had his cake and eating it. Don’t let him keep coming back spinning lies then leaving because you open yourself up to all this pain and suffering.
Mine is out there panicking now and I won’t cave in! I am not available for him and now his low! Take the wind out of their sails.
What’s it about this guy that you have it bad for him? Got to unhook yourself a bit!
What is his choice of substance? And although it’s difficult as he is your family you can learn ways to detach, but it takes discipline and it’s not easy at all.
A good book called “paths to recovery” AA and Al Anon concepts helped me understand these coping methods.
It starts by asking questions like:
Do I agree that I cannot control another person’s substance abuse or their behaviour?
Do I agree that addiction is a disease and how would that change how I view this person?
How have I tried to change others in my life? What were the consequences?
How do I feel when the addict refuses to be and do what I want? How do I respond?
What would happen if I stopped trying to change anyone else?
How can I let go of other people’s problems instead of trying to solve them?
Do I take care of others easily and not myself?
You get the gist right? It’s all about re focussing on yourself. At the end of the day, he/she will continue to use until they want to stop. He has mental capacity so it’s down to him.
You could try Al Anon support groups as I’ve suggested previously to learn more.
You could ask if he would allow you to contact a drugs service so they can have a chat with him!
I have children, and for me it wasn’t exactly harder to end a relationship, as my childrens welfare comes first and not my own needs, desires etc! I was always petrified that he’d lose his job, or get arrested which would lead to other agencies getting involved and there’s no way I’d put my family at risk that way! Plus, what sort of hell are the children observing! Might not be so bad now, and it could get better if he)they seek help, but it could be so much worse.
It’s all about mindset not emotions/ fear etc. And if you think they care about children whilst on that crap youve got another thing coming? They don’t. They only consider themselves and their addiction whilst active.
Sod them/him! That won’t last, but really would you want him knowing what you do now? If so, that’s heartbreaking! You are worth so much more.
She may look smug, but does she know what she’s dealing with for real, probably not! Gotta pity her really, because he will end up bored of her soon!