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Ah well I’m glad you’ve found support here, so I’d encourage you to keep talking. Of course it’s all you’ve known, that’s a lifetime 20 years, and the unknown is always scary! I’m glad you’ve got other people involved, thats what I did, but in the end they all blamed me ????. Apparently, I shouldn’t have asked him to leave, and it’s ok for him to cheat on me ????????.
Anyways it’s time for you to rest now and gather your thoughts!
Sorry to hear about your friends partner, that’s awful.
You have people, don’t ever stay just because you think you have noone. Well, we are here for you, so are many other support groups. What about friends and family?
I do understand and I may sound harsh, and I shouldn’t but I think it’s important to speak directly. My relationship ended, we also was together 22 years ???? so I get it, and I get how scary it feels. In the end I had a break down so I guess that’s what I’m trying to prevent for you, I went through hell! It’s awful and I’m sorry this is happening to you! But you’re not alone and you should never “put up” because of that reason. At the very least come on here to talk with others.
Ah don’t that’s made me feel sad, because behind that “dream world” state is a deeper set of emotions/feelings.
They’re disgusting, let them go sleep with whomever, empty ass carcasses! Let them burn in their own s**t! That’s not love, it’s all EGO driven by bad behaviour, and believe me NO love is present there!
What you got planned today?
How long have you two been together? Can you leave? How did you find out about him In a dirty flat? Is this the life you want? Is this prince charming? Is this your idea of love?
Ok, some questions above to help you consider your future! There is no healthy love/relationship with an addict. It’s fueled with lies, pain, manipulative, deceitfulness, aggression, Betrayal and so on and so fourth. It’s hell, actual hell, and by the sounds of it he is an active user! You say binge, well I say he isn’t in control, therefore he is an addict. Cocaine is a powerful drug, that hooks a person and changes them into monsters. I’m sure you’ve seen how it destroys them. If he is in some untidy flat with strange people then he is gone, gone to that way of life, and my suggestion would be to leave, because he will take you down with his destruction.
At the end of the day he has to want to help himself, so until he does that there is little you can do for him. You can however make some choices for yourself, by focusing on YOU. If you plan to stay then you will need all the energy you can to withstand this sh**show rollercoaster.
Wish I could be more positive, but read the threads on here and see for yourself all the pain and devastation this drug causes.
Alright Dot,
I agree with you here, we’ve even said that ourselves about how they present like a narc!
I think sometimes it’s hard to break away from that type of behaviour, because of what’s left behind!
It’s not healthy, but love is blind! Or some strange version of love ????
I think the joining in thing was from Eles husband and not Daydreams guy tho ????
Well I’d still check with the doctor or keep an eye ????. Oh yes I’d say you’ve had a warning, but what’s more worrying is you’ve had unprotected!! One thing was mentioned to me about getting checked out ????. Although, I was always careful so I didn’t need to.
Got to admire your honesty BT1978 and totally agree with you. When in the midst of addiction, anything/everything else goes out the window.
Addiction has common signs and symptoms – behavioural, social, physical, psychological etc.
No “addict” would choose this way of living, but by the time they take a look at what they’ve become they are in way over their head! Essentially they lose control of themselves, however they can choose recovery!
Perhaps for yourself Al anon might be a place for you to access some support, and guidance on understanding the nature of addiction, but also to help you to “detach” and learn new ways to cope whilst dealing with this.
It’s heartbreaking and frustrating I can understand that, especially when dealers are hanging about the home environment. I can go into detail about the “role” of a dealer, but ultimately as the other comment said ” it tells you all you need to know” he is obviously not in control and requires help, but sadly he would want to get help and sometimes that can takes a long time.
Rock bottom always has a basement. It’s the devastating reality of addiction ????
Nope that’s BS, GP’s don’t use drug tests so they wouldn’t know. He has said that because you can’t ask the GP due to confidentiality. Sometimes sertraline may product a false positive for benzo’s (sometimes) but nothing else.
Whenever their mouths open that’s when you know they lie! Harsh but true.
Hi
Sorry you’re going through this. In Short NO it wouldn’t have any affect on a test at all. That’s BS. If it is positive for cocaine then you can bet your ass he has used.
People are ridiculous the things they come out with. ????
Oh my, you must be in shock! I would be terrified actually. What’s going thru your mind and what will you do
Hardest decision I had to make in my life. We was together since I was 17. He was my life, but I went through hell, and had a break down. I also hope you don’t have to go thru hell and I hope you stay strong ????.
I’m sure when mine is off drugs he will realize what’s he has lost. I won’t talk to him at the moment, funnily he just text me now!
It’s all just so sad ????.
Sadly, if they don’t go get help themselves I’m not convinced they do change they just get better at disguising things and then the lies “step up”. Been there ????
I agree with everything you’ve said. My ex partner of 22 years was lovely, loyal and decent all those years and we literally had everything until cocaine came along. I don’t recognize him now. He don’t even see our two girls. He is so different now, and it’s unbelievable the change in them. I am seven months along and I’m still in shock at how he has changed. He has no soul, angry all the time and hates/blames me for everything.
Heartbreaking absolutely heartbreaking. X
I think someone on here asked for positive outcomes previously, and I’ve followed the link, and so far nothing. I’ve read how some wives/ girlfriends have stayed, and the guy has sort of changes but with conditions attached, such as having drug tests and other such like!
It’s only been one year? I’d suggest moving on before it gets worse – and by the sounds of it it will. He has already you let you down enough times after you’ve given chances.
Heartbreak is what happens when cocaine is involved. It’s ruins people and families. People turn into monsters. As for the blame and all th abuse, well that’s what happens because the drug messes with the chemistry in the brain. Hence, why it’s so addictive, as basically the user is constantly avoiding the “come downs/lows”
Don’t listen to all that noise, and they all say “they don’t want you/ don’t love you” etc it’s cliche, but again, that drug seems to take away everything from a person – even the way they view the world. They become, angry, hostile, untrusting, unreliable, lying unlovable individuals (and more).
Honestly no good can come from an addict, especially one that isn’t sorting himself out. I don’t mean “saying I’ll change” I mean actually doing something about it properly! Plenty of help out there.
Its hard because you have come out of a marriage and into this which I kind get how tough that might be! But I’d suggest focusing on you and your children now and leave that darkness behind you.
Warm wishes
You look so happy. Well done Dot ????
Ah that sounds awful and I’m sure this has affected you enormously. I agree with Nod23 in that your life would be so freeing without this kind of toxicity, however saying that it’s understandable that you worry where you will end up living. Sounds like it’s a nightmare!
Crack is so addictive, and so will affect his decision to “want to stop”. It literally destroys the individual and they end up in a neverending cycle of addiction! There will at some point be a ” rock bottom” but even that has a basement! He really needs to get some support from a drugs service asap. Crack changes the way the brain releases dopamine – Happy chemical in the brain. Which i suppose explains the extreme mood swings, it messes with the natural chemistry in the brain. It literally changes them into monsters I’m afraid and to avoid those extreme moods they end up taking more, leading to psychological dependancy.
Would he bring others into your home now you’re not there? I hope not ???? but in my experience it ends up with the user finding other users and then the house spins into chaos. That’s just my experience.
Hope you’ve got no kids, and you can plan what you want to do as to whether or not you will leave or ask him to leave! Living with an addict is no picnic, it’s a nightmare as you know and it will end up if not already destroying you emotionally and physically. I ended up having a break down so I had no choice but to leave the madness.
We are all here for you so keep talking, because over time when you start to heal you will realize that you’ve suffered so much and that you’ll probably need to get some help for yourself.
Don’t listen to all the blame, that typical of an addict, lies, manipulation, aggression etc – it’s all a deflection of their issues. And it is THEIRS not yours.
Bug hugs to you