[kelly6714]

Hi SK my love its great to hear from you I hope you are well. I have had no contact with the ex although I tried for the sake of the children. I know longer know where he is or if he’s OK his phone number no longer works. It has effected my older girl badly. My new man in great we are very happy. Is your man less of a tosser ? I wish you all a merry Xmas and new year and please keep in touch I’ve missed you xx

[kelly6714]

Thanks hun the ex still messages me he’s still using but its not my problem anymore and its a relief to finally say and truely feel. I hope your ok and please still keep in contact xx

[kelly6714]

Hi SK I finally did it. I finished it I just couldn’t be dealing with the drama anymore. I’m one week into a new relationship and I’m pleased to say he doesn’t do drugs or even drink. I hope your ok xx

[kelly6714]

So SK I new it was coming got the text I’d been waiting for I’ve been stupid I’ve used I can’t stop this time I wish I was dead blah blah blah I cannot do it anymore I replied your problems are not my problems you know where me and the children are when your ready to be a dad and grown up in the meantime plz don’t contact me. Was so hard but had to be done. So the stop and wait game starts again. Hope ur ok xx

[kelly6714]

Hi sk so sorry for the late reply honey half term has kept me busy and exhausted. Its tough isn’t it. Mine hasn’t seen the girls once this holiday and its now Thursday there is always some excuse he’s tired or I’ll. He claims he is depressed I wonder if this is true or if he is out every night. I have started to find I wonder less about what he is doing. Don’t get me wrong I miss him and I love him actually I’ll re phrase that I miss what we had and I care deeply for him bit I don’t think we will ever get back what we had. I for now am trying to get on with life with him as a part of it but he no longer consumes me. I was up with the 17 month old all night a couple of weeks ago and was so tires I cried she walked over to me and rubbed my back and that’s when it hit me we have our children’s love and that is worth more than anything. Chin up chick you can do this with or without him. Be strong . just remind yourself he’s a twat and until he’s not a twat your to good for him. Massive massive hugs xxx

[kelly6714]

Oh SK I’m so sorry I know this was kinda your now or never moment. Things won’t improve will they. He says you can’t love him if you don’t except him the way he is you could say he doesn’t love you otherwise he wouldn’t be taking methodone. Yes maybe that’s who he is but is that who you want ?. Its all still crap this end he wants to move back pretty sure not for me he’s skint and fed up with living with his boss needs looking after again. Hes so miserable when he’s around me he just says he’s depressed and that it makes him feel worst when he sees me cause I have the house the girls my friends (um well hello I didn’t cheat and stick needles in my arm). He says he feels I’ve moved on and no longer love him. This is the confusing bit for me I do love him but I don’t know if I want him back deep down I know he doesn’t treat me right and holds me back and I’m starting to feel I deserve better. Why don’t we have the balls to be without them ? Anyway last time I saw him his exact words were maybe I should f off and find myself a smack head girlfriend. So SK I maybe rejoining you soon in the drug related posts once more. Take care x

[kelly6714]

Haha is it really ??? Wow and were still no further forward theyve remained tossers for the whole duration. I told him he cannot move back before xmas as financially thats the worst time to be skint thought that would bide me some time. Anyway he was supposed to come round tonight to discuss it but he never showed so cant be that important to him i guess. Hows yours doing ??

[kelly6714]

Hi sk hows you ? Hope all is good. I have a new perdicament. The not so better half seems very depressed he comes over and sleeps all the time his clothes are dirty and he dont smell to good not like him at all. I have drug tested him and all clear (im convinced thats not the issue). I asked him why hes so down and he said he misses our old life before the cheating and relapse, he says he feels his boss doesnt want him there anymore and he fears he will lose his job as he is not performing well due to the depression. He refuses to go to the doctor he claims the only thing that will make him feel better is to return home. Now i love him i really do but there is so much to consider the girls are happier now, i have a routine and enjoy ny own space and company i like not cleaning up after him, financially i have just got organised with tax credits etc as a single parent and am better off with him not here wasteing money on unessential rubbish. Furthermore the children are settled in full time childcare. If he returned home my tax credit claim would stop while they changed from single to joint therefore i couldnt pay the childcare provider even worst if he lost his job (which i fear is coming) i would have to pull them out of childcare leaving him looking after them while i work also he has not improved in terms of lazyness i think he misses me looking after him. I have explained all this to him while reasurreing him i love him but he says being away from home is making him suicidal. I am waiting for him to turn up bag in hand saying his boss has kicked him out and he has no where to go (he has pissed his family and friends off so much they have nothing to do with him). What do i do ? I love him i dont want him on the streets but finiancially i cant have him back, emotionally i cant have him back. I want him to stay where he is be happy and spend time with me but i feel hes putting pressure on me to come home now or else he will kill himself or find someone new to move in with in with. Why do they have to be so fing complicated im not his mother but why do i always feel its my job to look after him i want him to look after me but he just dont get that !!!

[kelly6714]

My advice cut him out of your life and believe you deserve better. Says me who declined the date with the electrition cause i a)felt guilty b) feel like damaged goods and c) find it hard to believe anyone else would want me. Thats the trouble our men have put us through so much i think were more troubled than them. I havent seen or heard from mine in over a week i dont even know if i love him or not. Its all so hard

[kelly6714]

Oh shit sk im sorry when you going to have some luck. I got a hundred pound speeding ticket yesterday and when i told my shit face i dont know how im gonna pay it and feed the children he said its my own fault for driving so fast. Your not loseing it any distraction is a welcome distraction from all the crap we deal with on a daily basis. I have been asked out for drinks and dinner by someone who i met at work he is normal an electrition part of me thinks i deserve to give it a go and have normality and happiness and yet i love my shithead so feel guilty. I seriously need my head examined. Im wondering if i can go on the date without him finding out and see how i feel after. God that sounds awful. Even tho i have never met you i confide in you more than my friends so to me that classes you as a friend also xxz

[kelly6714]

Hi sk i still have a spiteful self centred shit head to. He cancelled seeing us saturday as he went to town with his mates for a night out turned up today hungover moaning that the girls were being to noisey then basically said he does wanna be with me but he wishes i was like the girls he saw on his night out fun with no resposibilities apparantly its annoying him that we cant have fun and go out because the kids are always with me ummmm hold on a minute there your kids !!!!!! Angry doesnt even come close. How is your shit head is he any better? Hope your ok xxx

[kelly6714]

I also think the saying theres a very fine line between love and hate is true. I also believe its possible to love and hate at the same time. Its there job to show us how much they love us so the hate evaporates if they dont then i guess the hate will increase until we no longer feel any love and really thats so sad but i guess in answer to your question time will be the decider

[kelly6714]

Im right there with you girl ! I think your feelings are normal if there not then ill be in the funny farm with you cause right now i have the exact same thing. I miss him like crazy the thought of him with someone else is unthinkable. I get so excited when hes coming over make an effort to look nice. Now comes the problem i expect him to come to the door give me a hug say hes SORRY hold me and make all the hurt go away. But he doesnt he comes.in rolls his eyes about something starts critizing me and plonks in front of the tv. Ill tell you why we feel like we do disapointment because our men never act how we want them to they are oblivious to the pain they have caused and that is because they are selfish. I find when he comes over i have to be all sweetness and light so as not to rock the boat when really i want to rip his head off but yes like you i love him. Between you and me i think i hold onto him out of hope he will become the man he should (i know he never will) and out of fear of never finding anyone else. I have asked myself if i could look into the futre and see myself with a wonderful man who loves me and the children and i was truely happy would i be doing all this shit and the answer is probably no. We need to forget the past to move forward but it is hard when there is so much pent up anger which at some point will explode. I understand about the children to dare i say it but mine seem happier and better behaved now hes not here. Infact the whole house seems calmer. Can i grow some balls n tell him to f off nope course i cant cause i cant imagine him not in my life. So yep i understand i have the same questions as you but i dont have the answers although if im honest with myself i do have the answers im just not brave enough to do what i know is the right thing cause theres always hope that one thing our relationships seem to constantly based on hope and dissapointment. Xx

[kelly6714]

Hi sk nothing has changed hes still the biggest nob going the most useless father and i still love him. On the plus side me and the kiddies are back in a routine and finding it easier now the older one is back at school. Hows life treating you x

[kelly6714]

Calpol and ear plugs ;-). Glad your having a nice day. Did you receive anything from poundland or were u not that lucky ? TNSBH informed me he doesnt know if he wants to be with me anymore apparently i need to give him time and space to think. Really wonder why i bothered worrying about him x

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