[kelly6714]

Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear sk happy birthday to you :-)… hope your having a good day i am thinking of you xx

[kelly6714]

Hi sk sweetie how are you. Things the same this end. He said hed come round tuesday to see the kids then phoned me to say hed come over after the pub to which i replied no point the kids will be in bed. Im hearing less from him now. I always wonder about another girl and drugs he always asures me neither are an issue. Hope ur all good x

[kelly6714]

Hi sk just dropping in to see how you are nothings changed this end hes still a twat im still confused. Hope your all good sweetie xx

[kelly6714]

Well you know how there twins and all and we seem to leave the same life. I picked TNSBH up yesterday evening for him to stay the weekend. The drug tests are still negative for heroin but hes still taking gabapentin. We get back here and straight off hes like whats for dinner i say bolognase. Hes like to you have any wine im like i Said i think theres a bottle of white in the fridge he looks in and says oh i dont like that cheap stuff. Now this is coming from a person who doeant have a penny to his name. I cleaned the house yesterday top to bottom as i new he would be over. Then he started moaning at the 8 year old at which point i glared at him. He said well someone needs to have some authority in this house your clearly not coping. Well that was it i say red how dare he walk in here and moan about everything from the fact i used value tinned toms in dinner to the fact i have no wifi when its cus his bloody behaviour has left me so skint. What a joke. He also asked me why i seemed stressed and tired. Then like you it hit me.. im not even sure i love him anymore. I dont know im so confused.its almost like i dont want him but the thought of him happy with someone else kills me. Maybe i love him and hate him at the same time. Is that even possible. Right now i think hes a selfish pig and i know i deserve so much better. He says he loves me but there just words. I think i resent him to much for all he has put me through and i think he resents me for copeing so well. Its like the relationship has died and we both feel it but we hang on for some reason. I havent slept all night no doubt the bags under my eyes will be 10 times worst today. Im actually dreading spending the day with him but if he wasnt here id miss him. What a mess.

[kelly6714]

Oh sk im so so sorry. I know how your feeling and its the worst pain imaginable worst than someone dyeing knowing you have lost them even though there still there. I am suprised the doctor prescribed them if they know he has a history of abusive purely because they are so addictive in themselves. If he has run out im guessing he hasnt been sticking to the stated dose maybe this why he wrote car off and was asleep on your floor. An addict does love but he loves the pills more. They become before everything else. You will always hope that never goes. If you have truely decided to move on then give yourself time to grieve and i know its a cliche but time really is the best healer. You will be happy again i promise you that please continue to keep in touch and dont feel bad or guilty for feeling the way you do its perfectly normal. Wish you werent so far away id give you a massive hug x

[kelly6714]

You should go get a marker pen and write TWAT on his forehead while hes asleep then just go about your business. Hed have to wait for his mum to ask him why hes a twat 😉 x

[kelly6714]

Take a deep breath i know it doesnt seem like it now but you one day your children will realise what a great mum you are and how shit he is that is when you will get your rewards. Its tough i know TNSBH phoned me drunk having a whale of a time in a club while i was knackered trying to get baby asleep, get older one into bed and cleaning up dog shit which kids had trodden across carpet. I told him the pissing dog has to go. He says your always so uptight you need to chill its just a dog. I have a good mind to deliver dog plus two children in cages an leave them outside his front door !!! Its funny isnt it we hate them but we love them. Maybe were in love with the idea of making them perfect i dont know. Anyways i was annoyed i joined a dating site i have no intention of meeting anyone but made me feel better having other men to talk to kinda felt like i was sticking two fingers up at him. Im worrying about finances at the mo and hes pissing his up a wall giving me nothing for the kids. True losers thats what they are xxx

[kelly6714]

This is awful to say but when there using they course so much pain. Then they get clean and theres no remorse nothing there just happy as larry. I think thats were my annoyance lies at the moment i want him to hurt how he hurt me instead im stuck in with kids while he swans around. I just hope karma is true !

[kelly6714]

We should line them up next to each other and take it in turns to swing for them. Mine phoned me to ask if he left his best top here hes going out for the evening while i deal with teething baby and wingy 8 year old. I said yes you did leave it here would you like me to wash it iron it and drive it to you (i was being sarcastic) his reply no dont worry ill wear something else. Like you say what a nob x

[kelly6714]

Morning :-)… so the girls are still soundo but the dog (I should say the not so better halves dog) insisted on standing by my head barking until i got up. There is a story with the dog to (there are always stories with our men arnt there). Artur is a seven month old shar pei puppy. TNSBH (new abbriviation for not so better half) insisted we get a dog i said no way what with the baby and that. Anyway he begged and pleaded swore he would walk it feed it train it blah blah blah. So we get a dog. Now i dont know if you are familier with the breed but i swear he is no normal dog he is like 1/4 dog, 1/4 walrus, 1/4 hippo and 1/4 pig hes awful and very ill mannered. All joking aside he is hard work chews everything, snaps, knocks everything over. Plus once september hits he will home alone for 12 hours a day between work school and childminders. So i decided to rehome him (sounds simple) five families have taken him and returned him because well hes horrible. So now i am stuck with his dog who is more hard work to look after than the kids. He publically messaged me on fb asking me not to put the dog down just so everyone would think bad of me and feel sorry for him !!
I agree they are probabley twins i get what you mean with the faces. When the baby cries he actually makes this face like a mixture of irratation and pain. Its quite sad really the amount of times my 8 year old goes to give him a cuddle and hes like sienna i cant see the telly. Moments like that i would like to punch him in the face. Hard.
His boss doesnt know the reason hes there he thinks its because of his one night stand which i will add is also my fault because i didnt give him enough attention, dress up and do my make up enough, always tired and didnt show him enough love. Im also not allowed to dwell or discuss his infedelity because the guilt HE feels makes him want to use TNSBH’s exact words.
Im not seeing him again until Friday. I have decided i cannot force him to come home. I dont want him crawling back tail between his legs i want him to come home because he loves and misses me. Although i wonder sometimes if there capable of real love. Sometimes i think the years of abuse have damaged there brains beyond repair that they no longer feel any real emotion. He never seems happy or sad or excited just well miserable to be honest. When there clean i think we expect them to suddenly change but there still the same idiots as before.
I did laugh at the tea and biscuits i wonder if she gives them to him on a saucer. I hope he gets crumbs in the bed and cant sleep for the itcyness of a digestive.
TNSBH also stole out my bank account back at the beginning of our relationship. I can only take 250 a day out on my card. He stole the card and took 250 out just before midnight and another 250 out just after leaving me with nothing.Were not allowed to discuss that either yep youve guessed it the guilt makes him want to use. Maybe i should try that line. I can imagine it now. Him: whats for dinner ? Me: i havent done dinner… Him: Why not ? Im hungry.. Me: well the thought of dinner makes me want to drink 20 bottles of wine !!!! They really are ridiculous specimens.
I hope his courtersy car breaks down. And i hope he has to push it, prefrebley up hill at great speed. Let me know how is appoitment goes. As much as we moan we love them and its all very heartbreaking but like you say laughing is better than crying and you have definitley saved a few of my tears and for that i am grateful xxx

[kelly6714]

Deserve it sorry writing on phone really small screen so spelling and puncuation terrible xx

[kelly6714]

Hello my lovely, hope your ok today :-). So my not so better half (as i shall now refer to him) rang me this morning. Due to still being so mad about the imodium/ruined birthday situtation i toyed with the idea of ignoring the phone call but my heart informed me that this may be the call where he is ringing to inform me that he realises hes a retard and treats me badly he has become a brain surgoen would like to get married and has bought horses so we can ride off happily ever after into the sunset. It wasnt. He phoned to ask if i was cooking a roast hes hungry (bank holiday tradition) i say yes. He says can i pick him up its raining. My brain says no walk you friggin idiot my voice says yes. We get back here i make him a cuppa and give him a test. He passes so i guess the imodium story was true. Then he sits his arse on the sofa watching tv while i cook roast / tidy up / feed the baby / change nappies / entertain bored 8 year old/ deal with dog / wave tea towel dementedly at fire alarm from burnt roast due to above. He doesnt move all day except at 7pm to say the kids winging is stressing him out can i please take him home. Now bear in mind this is only a 20 minute car journey but as you know with kids in tow we may as well be going on a round the world trip. Shoes, coats, hats, blankies, drinks, snacks, duvet (the 8 year old insisted). Finally get home and he sends me a message saying hes exhausted ha haha ha ha SERIOUSLY !!! So heres my new dilemia like i said we had ten happy years together before his relapse (i say happy he was still a lazy selfish so and so but like you my heart chose him). Anyways as you know he moved in with his boss when i found out he was useing again his boss only charges him 150 a month so less than he was paying here. Today made me think what reason does he have to come home he has the best of both worlds me here cooking cleaning looking after the kids at his beak and call and he has his own place to chill and relax when it gets to much. Were falling into a pattern of mon – thur hes living life life a single guy fri, sat and sun hes here what possible reason would he want to come back. But this isnt a relationship i dont want a part time boyfriend / dad. Bloody hell by making him move out ive shot myself in the foot again. How come they always come out smelling of roses.
Know exactly what you mean i bought him a onesie (he actually did want one) went to loads of effort to get the one he described, he opens it – and says well its not exactly right but it will have to do… Maybe we should treat them how they treat us and see if they like it.
I Wonder if the dimazipan had anything to do with the driving ? Are you allowed to drive on that as it makes you very sleepy. Its awful isnt it when you try to find answers to questions that they wont tell you ot goes round and round your head until your brain hurts and your none the wiser. Why they cant just tell the truth i dont know. I hope you have a very happy birthday you derve it xxx

[kelly6714]

Its been going through my head today i may help him get clean and sort his life out for him to decide to go off with another women because thats pretty much all the thanks i would get. Shame you live so far away im sure we would have a great natter a few tears and some laughs over a cuppa or three xx

[kelly6714]

I would say get your car fixed and when he cant afford to fix his car and buys a bicycle make sure to drive past him when its raining through the biggest puddle ever looking smug ;-)… in all seriousness though what a selfish thing to do he could have been hurt which is just more stress for you. I actually cant say weather addicts are all incredibly selfish or we just picked incredibly self centered men mine didnt seem to improve on that front when he was clean everything is my fault. He once blamed the crappy weather on me because whenever i take.time off work it pours.down would be quite funny if it wasnt for the fact he was deadly serious. Why cant we love decent caring men we really should hate them but we dont. How is he doing on the drug front ?

[kelly6714]

Ok sk its shit really shit excuse the swearing but im so mad/hurt/confused right now. So i collect him yesterday evening day before my daughters birthday he seems fine but does say he has sickness bug. He takes some imodium says hes feeling a little better. He stays the night on sofa to be there when ouour daughter opens her presents in the morning. I hear him being sick in toilet at night. He wakes up this morning i remind him about drug test he quite happily goes and does it then comes down and days its positive he genuinly seemed surprised (bearing in mind ive had clear tests for over a week now). He says he doesnt understand i say whay about imodium he says no that wont effect it we google sure enough it can SOMETIMES cause false positives. Fast forward an hour he says he feels worst noisy kids driving him mad he wants to go home so i take him home ruining the day. Now um sat here wondering if hes telling the truth or did he use knowing he cud use imodium as an excuse and was the sickness withdrawels explaining why he left. But with clear tests for over a week he must not have used for ages plus he.looks.so much better god i hate this

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