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It’s normal to relapse and the fact you’re annoyed with yourself shows that you’re on the path to full recovery
Stop beating yourself up but be proud that you can see your mistake and continue your recovery
Was there a particular trigger that caused the relapse? If so avoid that in future be it alcohol, a certain person
Here’s what you do Joe,
First (and most important) right now decide to change your life. Call a drug helpline and talk to someone. You won’t be judged and they’ll find you support in your area.
Second, plan to use that support, rehabilitate yourself, zoom meetings, counselling. Work on your well-being
Third, tell your partner everything. She’ll likely be upset, angry but she also might support you. But you’ll have to listen to her needs. If you really love each other and you’re honest from here on in, you could become stronger
Fourth, live a new life. There’ll be hurdles, good days, bad days, cravings. But with the right support you can do it and in time you’ll hopefully see your children and be the best version of you. It’s 100% possible Joe
Well yes, that’s pretty much the first phase after betrayal, A LOT of anger and resentment
It does subside over time though
I expect she’s still hurting Daz
The betrayal and lies are very very hard to get over and add to that you’ve now recovered, she’s probably wondering why you couldn’t do it for her?
Do you know if she has sought counselling to deal with her trauma? I think she needs to but definitely do not suggest it!
In the meantime just be a good dad. Don’t rise if she makes comments
In time you’ll be able to talk civilly but it will take years
My ex husband cheated on me whilst I was pregnant, 5 years on now. Still have moments I want to punch him in his smarmy face! I’ve forgiven but you never forget that feeling when you’ve been lied to by the person who was supposed to cherish you
It’s a ‘blip’ if it’s once, say in a social situation, and he regretted it, spoke about it and wants to move on. Relapses happen
If you believe that then you need to accept it and move on
It’s extremely hard not to get angry when you feel betrayed and he needs to understand that he did that, not you
You need to think about your boundaries and set some. What is making you anxious or uncomfortable? What does he need to do to build the trust back up? Sit and discuss it and ensure he knows you want to support him but you also need to look out for yourself
Does he want help and to quit?
If so he needs to first recognise his triggers and why he smokes.
Whatever the reason it is treatable be it depression, chronic pain, insomnia
He also needs to drop all routines around smoking. That last smoke at night? Have a hot chocolate instead
And finally he needs to stop smoking cigarettes and drinking (if he does) both are well known triggers for substance abuse
So use @ and .
Ok, it’s being funny about sharing contact info. Going to have to be cryptic maybe. It’s kirstyjs at icloud dot com
Well I know he’s using at the moment, he has to until his appointment as they won’t give him a prescription if he’s not using. Bloody ridiculous really and it just fills me with so much anxiety not knowing where he is, what he’s doing.
Do you want my email? I don’t want to share my name on here but would happily add you on fb. I think we could both do with support. I’ve got a friend I talk to but no one who has been through this
Well when I found him using he was smoking, no evidence to show otherwise. I do believe that as crazy as that may sound.
I was with my previous partner just over a year, he was an alcoholic and coke addict
I am really anxious about the next few weeks. He’s saying all the right things. Dr on Thursday. But what if it’s all for show? What if he tries for a week or 2 but then gives up? I’m not sure how I feel about him staying here, I know I’m going to be suspicious every time he uses the toilet too long or if he gets up in the night… I don’t know. I have positive moments that are quickly followed by feelings of fear and loss. It would be easier to walk away. But I really do love him so much
Did you look at that house share? Have you spoken to him about moving out and him getting clean?
He started using recreationally in his mid 20s, became an addict at 26 and used for 7 years. Never IV, he’s scared of needles thank goodness!
He was clean for 4 years before relapsing in December, I only found out a few weeks ago about that relapse and then last week about the continued use.
I’ve been really clear we have no future and he can’t even stay at mine if he’s using
I’ve had a relationship with an addict before, every day was absolute hell. No way will I go through that again
‘Chasing the dragon’ I’ve read that phrase, basically they are always seeking that first high. But like smoking cigarettes, you don’t get that light headed feeling once you’re addicted.
He started using recreationally in his mid 20s, became an addict at 26 and used for 7 years. Never IV, he’s scared of needles thank goodness!
He was clean for 4 years before relapsing in December, I only found out a few weeks ago about that relapse and then last week about the continued use.
I’ve been really clear we have no future and he can’t even stay at mine if he’s using
I’ve had a relationship with an addict before, every day was absolute hell. No way will I go through that again
‘Chasing the dragon’ I’ve read that phrase, basically they are always seeking that first high. But like smoking cigarettes, you don’t get that light headed feeling once you’re addicted.
Oh gosh!
Well he’s in a very vicious cycle. If he’s on script he’ll have to have an assessment and give a sample. I don’t know the repercussions of what he’s doing though
I think you need to move and set boundaries, tell him you can no longer emotionally support him until he gets clean and most importantly seeks help with his depression. Give him a time line. It’s all on him to get better.
I’ve only being going through this a few weeks, I’ve no idea how you’ve got through 4 years!
Sounds so much like my partner, insomnia at night, sleeps all day. Lives in a house share and has depression. Also a town with a dealer on every street whilst I live in a rural area. He is getting treatment for that now though, only since I noticed certain behaviours and began questioning his honesty
I wish I could say he’s now told me the full truth of his addiction but it’s highly unlikely and something I’ll have to live with
He has been doing zoom meetings but I don’t know if that’s short lived
If his prescription isn’t strong enough he needs to be re assessed
I’d definitely suggest living on your own until he’s clean. Your well-being should be your priority, you can’t control what he does and trying to is torture
I live separate from my partner so I get time on my own. It doesn’t help with the paranoia of not knowing what he’s doing but as I said, it’s out of your control